Thought about this all night and am getting more and more upset about it .

[Comewhinewithme]

You can accuse me of been PFB I can take it .

DS is 11 on Friday 17 year old SIL asked if she could take Ds out for day . She said she was taking him to a little village in the countryside which had activities and a farm . We let him go and thought it was really nice of her to offer.

He did not get back until 8.30pm and when they came in sil said that she had forgot to tell us in the morning that she couldn't get tickets for the village so had taken him to the seaside instead . Then they sat giggling about the fact she had taken him on the pirate ship didn't sit with him and he almost slid out according to them he does have a massive welt across the back of his legs where he hooked his legs under the seat . She also let him go on a gravity wheel and the rides he couldn't get on she left him stood alone while she went on them.

So I know I sound a bit precious but I am pissed off about been lied to about where they were going ds has his ticket and it was booked in advance so there was never any intention of going to the village . SO I thought he was in one place all day and he was in another I am also upset about the rides .

SIL knew I was not impressed but part of me thinks I shouldn't make an issue of it and that it was lovely of her to take him out but then I get angry thinking about the fact we were lied to because she knew I wouldn't let her take him to the seaside alone and that mil and fil lied about where they were going aswell.

Just so you know I am not doing an AIBU by stealth I have had issues with MIL in the past over her thinking she can do what she wants wrt to my children we have only just started talking again and I don't want to start another row which will drag on for ages .

Do you mean my ds hatched the plan with sil?
He didn't know he was going anywhere until late Saturday night and wasn't with her because she phoned to ask.

I get that a village and a farm wouldn't be much fun for an 11 year old. I didn't say that is only where you must take him I really thought that was all she had planned .

YANBU, and you have every right to be upset about this incident and to tell them very politely and calmly about how you feel.

I would start by saying it was very kind of them to take ds out for the day and he enjoyed it. Then tell them how you feel, that you were upset about being told something that wasn't true.

Thankyou KC.

I don't know if this has been asked before so sorry for repeating, but what does your dh have to say about all of this?

Also I have always allowed dps family to have a lot to do with our dc and included them in everything and afaik I do not put barriers up towards them doing things with them .

Even when we had a falling out they still saw dc whenever they wanted and vice versa.

Sounds like a typical 17 y.o reaction with a change of plan, nothing sinister.

Your ds sounds like he's doing lots of fab things, abseiling etc.

You like your sil, that speaks volumes. I would give her the benefit of the doubt this time but you won't want her making this (lying )into a habit.

Perhaps you can get her mobile no. next time or give him one so that you know where they are in case of changes of plan?

BTW it's great you've got family members doing exciting things with your ds!

I wouldn't want to put them off for good (unless he had a miserable time)but clearer guidelines need to be in place next time.

tbh, I think that you are getting a hard ride here because of the leaving him standing alone, which you have admitted was not important.

The basic facts are that you were deliberately lied to about the destination of their day out.

That is the important issue. Concentrate on that and don't muddle the waters by mentioning other issues or your PILs. That makes your argument weaker and gives your sil room to make you sound ridiculous.

Sorry Rhubarb dp says he is angry about been lied to and that he is going to have a quiet word with sil about trust .
He only told me this about 30 mins ago when I got back in .

YANBU This happened to us once, and caused a major row with BIL and his then gf, they asked if they could bring dd1 out to the circus, we were unsure as she was 2.6 at time but let her go, then discover BIL didn't actually go, his gf brought her with her sister(who we didn't get along with) and kept her out way past her bedtime and didn't answer any of my phonecalls, I was furious!

At the end of the day your ds was somewhere you didn't know he was and if something had happened your first response would have been he wasn't supposed to be there in the first place!

Right, then I suggest you are there when your dp has that talk.

The onus is on your dp to sort it out, they are his relatives. To them you are probably over-protective and your dp only goes along with what you say for a quiet life. But if he actually stands up to them and tells them that their actions are out of order, it'll go further iyswim. Give your dp tips on what to say by all means, but when he is bollocking them, try not to interrupt. Only agree with what your dp is saying. So that it is your dp who is leading, not you.

The lying is out of order. You are his parents and you need to know where he is when he is out.

They enrolled him in the lie too which is not fair at all on a child. They should not be encouraging a child to defy its parents.

She took him somewhere she knew you would disapprove of, this is a breach of trust in itself. Parents lay down the law for reasons. They might not approve of this but its their tough shit, you should be allowed to parent the way they see fit. They have undermined your parenting and that should never be allowed to happen again.