Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Anti boy remarks

50 replies

iMum · 09/05/2009 22:01

So I probably am, but never the less....

Was chatting to a nice lady today about kids and things as our 2 sons go to the same cycling club and she happened to mention she was expecting (i did think she was but you dont like to just assume!) anyway we were chatting about the new arrival and so on and I asked if she knew what she was having-A girl she say, oh how wonderful says I-Yes she said, I dont think I could cope with another boy.

I have 3 sons, 2 of which were with me at the time of this chat and like I said the other was off with her son.

Now i know she is just thrilled to be having a baby and didnt mean any harm etc etc, But i get it all the time and it just grates.

3 boys, did you want a girl?
3 boys, Oh will you try again for a girl
blah blah blah
Never in a nasty way, always well meaning but hurtful all the same.

Rant over.

OP posts:

PacificDogwood · 09/05/2009 22:05

YANBU.

I was out and about with tiny new DS3 in pram, when a lady from the village stopped me to peer in the pram, asked what I'd had, and then offered her commiserations that it was another boy !!
I had had 4 MMC, have genetic problem that I could have passed on but haven't to any of my DSs and was absolutely DELIGHTED to have another boy to add to my little pack. I was speechless and still am (he is now 13 months, LOL) at how rude and presumptious a remark like this is.

So, again, emphatically, YANBU!!

TheCrackFox · 09/05/2009 22:18

YANBU

I am very grateful for my two lovely boys.

I am sick of being asked if I am going to have another baby so I can have a girl.

thisisyesterday · 09/05/2009 22:25

not unreasonable regarding the general anti-boy stuff, I get it too. have 2 boys and expecting a third child in 4 weeks. already getting all the "bet you're hoping for a girl" stuff.

but I wouldn't necessarily have interpreted your friends reply as anti-boy.
quite frankly if i'd had ds2 first i'd have been hoping my second wasn't a boy as well cos he's a bloody nightmare lol
so it might be more of a "i don't think i could cope with another child like this one" and she has just put the gender bearing on it without thinkikng

3littlefrogs · 09/05/2009 22:28

Little boys are lovely. I have two myself.

I do think that SOME parents, and SOME aspects of our society in general, and our education system in particular, does them a lot of damage.

JoPie · 09/05/2009 22:30

YANBU.
Drives me up the sodding wall. I have 2 boys and am due in Oct, and already am sick to death of the comments from nearly every man woman and child I talk to.
Oh you must be dying for a girl....
Imagine if its another boy, you poor thing....
You'll have to go again if you get another boy..
Are you going to find out now so you can get over the disappointment if its a boy....
You'll never cope with 3 boys.....
and on and on and on and on. I'm goin to punch someone eventually

Sorrento · 09/05/2009 22:37

Yada Yada Yada, I get exactly the same comments about my three girls, hubby gets sympathetic noises made at him, what little bitches they'll be in their teens, it's all very [yawn].

AitchTwoOh · 09/05/2009 22:39

exactly sorrento, you know that people with girls get this too... it's just people flapping their gums.

PacificDogwood · 09/05/2009 23:16

Maybe it's the expectation that we all long for perfectly "balbanced" families: 1 mummy, 1 daddy, 1 son, 1 daugter, 1 dog, 1 goldfish etc etc ??

Boring, tedious and all the rest.
But to actually say it out loud - !

PacificDogwood · 09/05/2009 23:17

Oh gosh, balanced, obviously !

Peachy · 09/05/2009 23:18

Sorrento is riht; people get it whatever they have, its as if people seem to need something to criticise. mum got it with 3 girls, I got it with 4 boys, wot-eva

Lizzylou · 09/05/2009 23:21

Oh yes, "you've 2 boys, are you trying for a girl"....yawn
Have got it a lot lately...
She said what she said because that's what she felt at the time, if she'd found out she was having another boy, I am sure she'd have commented favourably on that.
No worries.
FWIW, as I already have 2 boys if I was to have a 3rd, I would want a boy, I would hate for my delectable DS2 to feel like he was the "consolation prize" whilst I tried for a girl.
If I am going to have anymore DC, I want another 3 boys, I'd like a 5 a-side football team.

weebump · 09/05/2009 23:23

What gets me is the slogans on tee-shirts for little boys "Cheeky Monkey" "Little Devil" "Little Bollix" etc, and girls t-shirts are all "Too Cute" "Cute as a button" "Little princess"

Peachy · 09/05/2009 23:25

There are more about now though than when ds1 was a toddler- ds4 has a few positive slogan Tee's but with ds1 it was 'here comes trouble' or nowt

Sorrento · 09/05/2009 23:25

TBH that's why I am scared to death of having a boy, I couldn't care less but other peoples reactions put me off.

EyeballsisonaDietAgain · 09/05/2009 23:26

I have one dc, a girl. You can bet that if I ever get round to dc2, then everyone'll assume we want a boy when the truth is that we won't give a toss either way. I don't think these remarks are anti either gender, just people assuming if you've got one type you'd choose the other for the next one. Besides, I have a loft full of girls things that would be wasted were I to produce a boy.

AitchTwoOh · 09/05/2009 23:26

but both are shit, remember, weebump. it's equal opportunities shitness.

solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 09/05/2009 23:26

There is a little tiny hairy-legged dungaree-wearing ball-breaking bit of me that wants to say 'Well it's about the only time that anyone ever suggests females are more desirable than males.' But on the other hand it's witless crap whichever gender it's direted at, all babies are loved for arriving and being themselves, or should be.

PaulaYatesBiggestFan · 09/05/2009 23:27

i have 5 boys

YAnnnnnnnnnnnb AT ALL u!!!!

Peachy · 09/05/2009 23:31

Sorrento you'd stop caring if you had one, is my experience. A look at my boys and I frankly dont give a damn what anyone says, I know I am lucky.

A friend once told me if she had a boy she'd push him back up (this was when I;d found out I was having ds3 PMSL). Still waiting for her to reproduce, think I might tape it for YouTube

PM73 · 10/05/2009 08:47

As an aside to this,we have 1 ds, 2.9 & i am sick to the back teeth of people asking me when the next one is coming along

We were very lucky to have our ds & unfortunately because of medical reasons i wont be having anymore children.

This saddens me as when we got married we wanted 4 children but we count our blessings every day.To us we have already won the lottery,the day our lovely ds was born.

People should just think before they engage their gobs.

Triggles · 10/05/2009 08:56

I had to laugh at the tshirt stuff though - I would have just as happily put a "Here Comes Trouble" tshirt on DD - she used to get into EVERYTHING!

cory · 10/05/2009 09:46

I have one of each and for every anti-boy remark I could match it with an anti-girl remark:

'oh I couldn't cope with girls; they are so devious/catty/bitchy etc etc. Boys are honest/straightforward etc etc'.

The only difference is that anti-boy remarks are usually said in a half-indulgent well-boys-will-be-boys tone of voice. I've never heard the same indulgent tone used of the supposed girlie character defects.

And as ds was my second, the assumption was that I would be overjoyed at having produced a boy (well, actually that wasn't far off the truth, but that's a different story)

slushy06 · 10/05/2009 09:47

There equally bothersome when you do have one of each. People say things like you won't have to try for another, or I bet your glad you got a girl this time. It always bugs me because they make it sound like I didn't want another boy. I would have been just as happy with two boys. Im actually a little worried about the girl im expecting as I don't know how to do girls.

Numberfour · 10/05/2009 10:10

some one i met at a toddler group had a baby boy after having had a girl a few years before "it's like we're a perfect family!" she told me.

WTF???? so does that mean because i have only one child (a lovely, funny, bright, cute, energetic, playful boy) that my family is imperfect? to give her the benefit of the doubt, i will put it down to pnd.

Baisey · 10/05/2009 10:25

Im pregnant with my second child and all Im hearing is "Are you hoping for a girl?"
I say to them "Well actually im hoping for a baby, im not bothered about the sex"
And on the "perfect family" subject, my grandmother once told me that me, my DH and DS werent a family because theres only one child... wheres the logic in that? Im still trying to figure it out!!

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread