Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Anti boy remarks

50 replies

iMum · 09/05/2009 22:01

So I probably am, but never the less....

Was chatting to a nice lady today about kids and things as our 2 sons go to the same cycling club and she happened to mention she was expecting (i did think she was but you dont like to just assume!) anyway we were chatting about the new arrival and so on and I asked if she knew what she was having-A girl she say, oh how wonderful says I-Yes she said, I dont think I could cope with another boy.

I have 3 sons, 2 of which were with me at the time of this chat and like I said the other was off with her son.

Now i know she is just thrilled to be having a baby and didnt mean any harm etc etc, But i get it all the time and it just grates.

3 boys, did you want a girl?
3 boys, Oh will you try again for a girl
blah blah blah
Never in a nasty way, always well meaning but hurtful all the same.

Rant over.

OP posts:

verygreenlawn · 10/05/2009 10:33

YANBU - love my little gang of boys!!!! But then I'm the sort of person that thinks a little gang of girls would be cool too ... !

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/05/2009 10:36

I only have one so can't comment, but must say thanks to weebump who made me laugh out loud with her comment about wee boys having t-shirts with "wee bollix" on them!

pointydog · 10/05/2009 10:49

yanbu. It's a stupid comment. Possibly because her experience has only been of boys and she doesn't realise that individual personality is far mor eimportant.

I was reading an article in a magazine the other day. ABout a woman who had three boys and was delighted to know she was expecting a girl. She dreamed of a pretty girl, sitting quietly and drawing or lisetening to stories and being so well-behaved. Then she had her daughter and she is a boisterous, advernturous, daring, noisy, demanding child.

Well, yeah. She is an individual.

jellybeans · 10/05/2009 11:01

YANBU I have 3 boys 2 girls. Both are fabby, honestly boys are just as nice as girls, I find people more negative about boys in general. I was just grateful for a living child each time after 4 losses. My 3rd was a girl (sadly lost late in pg) and I was happy to have another DD although we found out there were severe problems at the scan so all we cared about was her survivng but MIL said 'poor daddy,' when we said it was a DD3.

GRRR after that we had twin DSs and we got the 'ah how perfect 2 of each' and YES it is fab BUT it feels like they are implying that it wouldn't have been had DD3 lived!!! DD4 was also lost at 20 weeks and I went on to have a DS. Luckily no comments this time around as people knew we were just over the moon to have a living baby.

I did hear a midwife saying to the couple opposite me in hospital 'oooh you now have one of each...how clever' !!!!

katiestar · 10/05/2009 12:18

YANBU it is extremely irritating.But as others have said it is just gums flapping
.I have been told many times how 'well I did' or 'clever I was' to have 2 boys followed by 2 girls which i find a bit bewildering

PrammyMammy · 10/05/2009 12:30

yanbu,

I only have ONE boy, and we are expecting dc2, people have asked "What will you do if you have another boy?" And "I have a feeling it is another boy btw, what a shame, one of each and you wouldn't have to have another"
People at work are the worst. lol i just smile.

SugarBird · 10/05/2009 12:30

After my second DS was born loads of people asked me when I was going to start trying for a girl!! And when I had a miscarriage someone actually asked whether I was especially distraught because 'I was hoping that would be my daughter'... Words failed me.

But the worst comment had nothing to do with gender. When I was 7 months pregnant with DS2 and the head of DS1's school (he was in the nursery at the time) asked me: 'Aren't you scared that this one will be like DS1?' (DS1 has asperger's)

MsMargotBeauregarde · 10/05/2009 12:35

I agree with Cory 100%. People with two of one sex make a lot of generalisations about the other sex.

But to be honest I think 90% of what people say about boys/girls is just like talking about the weather.

I agree also, anti-boy comments are more innoccuous. Along the lines of 'They eat me out of house and home', 'they are messy', 'they are rumbunctious'.

Anti-girl comments can be quite ing 'girls are so bitchy and petty and cunning etc etc.... (from people with no girls)

NorthernNell · 10/05/2009 12:35

The worst comment I ever had was whilst preg with DC4 (having got 2DD and 1DS) what do you need another one for? WHAT???

surely the general idea is to have a healthy baby not a stereotype?

MsMargotBeauregarde · 10/05/2009 12:39

Peachy "A friend once told me if she had a boy she'd push him back up" I'm laughing, but omg!!

flowerybeanbag · 10/05/2009 12:41

YANBU. I have a boy and am pg with number two. MIL has made it very clear on several occasions that she 'hopes we have a girl', that she 'really wants us to have a girl', lots of similar comments. If it was just some notion about it being good to have one of each, I wouldn't agree but that wouldn't be as bad. But in fact it is apparently because girls are better than boys. . She says this in front of my DH, her son. Apparently girls 'understand what you go through' and are 'more attentive to your needs'.

We made it very clear that she shouldn't make such remarks, and that we don't mind which it is as long as it's healthy, but she has carried on. Last time we saw her she was full of 'reassuring' stories of various people she knows who did go on to have a girl after having a boy, so we 'needn't worry', it could happen.

Makes me hope it's a boy!

MsMargotBeauregarde · 10/05/2009 12:43

ha ha! I hope it's a boy who is the spittign image of YOUR side of the family flowery!

flowerybeanbag · 10/05/2009 12:45

Peachy · 10/05/2009 12:45

'She says this in front of my DH, her son. Apparently girls 'understand what you go through' and are 'more attentive to your needs'. '

My mother with three would disgaree! Maybe asadults but we were anything butattentive as youngsters. Though I did lift my feet out the way for vacuuming , that was about it. My boys are expected to do more.

Margot I know, but she was someone for whom the term daft was coined.

cory · 10/05/2009 13:26

my MIL ws the opposite; all about how she couldn't have coped with girls because they are so sneaky and bitchy and boys are so honest and straightforward (this when we only had one child, a girl)

she's stopped saying it since our second turned out to be a boy

stitchtime · 10/05/2009 13:30

imum, i think if you have only one sex, then you get it regardless of whether it is all boys or all girls.
my mom used to get this all the time. when youngest dsis was born, the nurse said 'sorry its a girl again' after mom came round from the general anesthetic.

edam · 10/05/2009 13:31

People used to make sympathetic remarks to my father about him having three girls all the time. In front of us! Especially because trains are his life, his job and his hobby and apparently girls couldn't possibly share his interest.

I used to fix them with a steely glare and tell them how I'd fired Mallard before school one day and all the boys were jealous!

BettyTurnip · 10/05/2009 13:35

But some people do want to have a boy after two girls or vice versa. However, I agree that people shouldn't be "flapping their gums" about it (love that expression!) - not unless the expectant parents bring it up themselves.

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 10/05/2009 13:44

I have one of each and am sick of being told 'oh how lucky, how perfect'. In whose world?

chocolateismyonlyweakness · 10/05/2009 13:56

I have one of each as well, but I wouldn't have minded if dd had been a boy. In fact, I've heard some people say how great it is to have two of the same sex.

TheDevilWearsPrimark I agree with you!

Fairynufff · 10/05/2009 16:36

In British society it is considered that... "a son's a son til he takes a wife, a daughter's a daughter all your life.."

In other cultures where the son is the one that stays with the maternal family - sons are prized.

You only have to see all the bitching about MILs on here to see why having a boy is less desirable. Chances are when our sons' wives are mumsnetting we'll be the ones cast as the wicked witches and none of us look forward to that!

SalBySea · 10/05/2009 16:44

I think that our society is much more pro-girls TBH

We didnt tell anyone the sex of our ds before he was born and got soo many "I hope you have a girl" comments and not one "hope you have a boy" one! I was shocked at how strongly people felt about it! (also very as we were delighted to be having a son and sons seem to be seen as some kind of consolation prize!!)

Sorrento · 10/05/2009 16:51

I think it's absolute rubbish that society is more pro girls, I find it's actually quite the opposite, more pro boys, boys have excuse after excuse made for appalling behavior, poor academic results, violence, destruction of our peoples property, bullying.
I think there are cases for and against both so it's a good job nobody gets to choose.

SalBySea · 10/05/2009 16:58

well Sorento, nobody but my DH and I knew we were having a boy and the anti-boy comments were constant from stangers, friends and family alike

and they were quite strongly worded too, one girl (who I only see about once every five years) said how she would be REALLY disappointed if I had a boy! WTF. a family member said how she hoped I wouldnt be bringing another boy into the family (there are more woman than men in the family so what does it matter??). Strangers assuming that I was hoping for a girl!

and in amongst all of this, not one single "I hope you have a boy" or "bet you're hoping you dont have a girl"

helsbels4 · 10/05/2009 17:03

I have one of each and I've found countless people assuming that I wouldn't possibly want anymore children because I already had a boy and a girl!

Mil was the worst and when the subject of more children came up, she asked us indignantly, why on earth would we want another child when we already have one of each

I think whatever you are blessed with, some people will find comment with it.

Flip

1 2