To tell my friend that I'm upset with her?

[DaisyOinkSwiner]

Ds2 was admitted to hospital on Tuesday night after vomiting up blood and for severe dehydration. On Wednesday morning dh phoned a friend of mine, L, and asked her if she could look after ds3 after preschool as he had to go to work (taking time off would have been very very difficult for him). To put it into context, I have looked after her preschooler on several occasions for less 'serious' reasons such as her going shopping, dentist's appointments etc etc at the drop of a hat.

She told him that it wasn't convenient because she was taking her ds to have his eyes tested. Now personally, I wouldn't have hesitated in the same situation and I feel quite hurt that she didn't feel able to help us out at a worrying and stressful time. I thought we were friends, but I'm questioning whether it's a bit of a one-way thing.

I'm not the sort of person to let things fester and if I'm upset about something I'll generally say so - not in a nasty way, I would just say 'L, I'm feeling a bit hurt that you wouldn't look after ds3, I would have done for you'. But maybe I'm being unfair to her or perhaps I should just keep my gob shut? What does the Mumsnet jury think?

Unless it was a matter of life and death, there is no way I would cancel my child's appointment for an eye test in favour of looking after a friend's child. Since the child's father did not feel it necessary to take time off work, it was clearly not a life or death situation.

Daisy, you will stay friends because you have children in common, but the issue is, you would rather have people as your best friends who are as generous and considerate of your needs as you are towards theirs, that's understandable, but I think you have to just accept her for the way she is and call on other friends who are similar to you when you need help. Perhaps just don't have that sort of relationship with her.

Your friend is assertive and to her mind, it was inconvenient to have your child and put her own needs first. She didn't feel she had to do something she didn't want to because of friendship. Then she didn't ask how your child was, so was preoccupied with her own stuff. I suppose if she didn't have any appointments she would have helped you out. Has she helped you on any other occasions?

I have a friend like this, we have alot of contact because of the dc, but she didn't go out of her way to help me when I wasn't coping, I used to have her children alot, but I don't any more.