to cancel a job interview tomorrow even though i need a job and this is a second interview?

[Idranktheeasterspirits]

I was made redundant recently, as was my dp. He has found a new job and started this week.

I have had several interviews now, this particular job is a large paycut, not much scope if any for furthering my career and the ffedback i got irritated me a little if i'm honest. Basically, they said i interviewed very well, was very confident etc but that they have a dress code of dark business trouser suit and shirts and will expect to see me in this attire for the interview tomorrow. They also said that they prefer a more "sober" approach and wish to see me making "more of an effort" in this area.
They said if i do those two things they will make me an offer tomorrow.

My issues are;

1. At the first interview i was dressed in a suit, it was light blue shift dress with jacket. Not anything outlandish or eccentric, just very smart and simple.

1. I can't do more "sober". It's not me, in RL i'm enthusiastic, ebullient and tend to be noticed in a room. I'm not particularly attractive or over loud but i am confident and able to talk to anyone in a work situation.

1. The interview involves a 4 hr drive, the interview is 2 hrs long and includes a medical, psychometric test and "a chat with the company profiler" which i assume is some sort of job profile/psychological type person. I will have to hire a car at large expense, plus the petrol costs so it will add up to £150 in costs.

I just think it is all too much when i am not excited about the company and tbh, i am not too keen on the two who have already interviewed me. I don't want to stifle myself for a role that i suspect i would get bored with very quickly.

Dp on the other hand is of the opinion that i must take the first job offered and cannot afford to turn down this interview.
I am insured so my salary will be paid for up to 12 months so financially we are fine.
Am i being unreasonable to hold off for a job that i really want considering i do have more interviews lined up? Or am i selfish and should i just take the first thing offered as dp thinks i should?

Trillian - yes they did. I work in a very very male environment and have been asked that question loads of times before at interviews. Makes me very cross. i usually answer "i manage just as well as a male with children who works full time." And then smile very sweetly whilst mentally sticking two fingers up at them.

I was also asked in an interview how I would manage the hours in relation to childcare...it was a 9-5 post not some obscure shift pattern. (They knew I was a single parent). Could have complained but didn't because I need a job and might apply for something else within that organisation again. Annoying though and answered through gritted teeth that I managed to graduate whilst a single parent and was sure that my childcare arrangements would also suit the hours they required of me. (Never got the job).

Bloody arsewipes saying how do you manage to work and have children and telling you to dress more appropriately.

Better off out of that crap. Agree tell the agency about the inappropriate comments. Mind you, they should not have passed those comments on to you really, however (a) agencies know which side their bread is buttered and generally serve the client, not the candidate and (b) are usually staffed by airheads, so you can't expect too much!

Life's too short to work for a bunch of stuffy pillocks, if you are in the fortunate position of being able to choose, which you are at the mo. So I'd cancel and, at the time when you should have been at the interview I'd do a little war dance round the living room in your bra and pants sticking two fingers up in their general direction

Cancel it and explain exactly why you cancelled to the agency.

How you "manage to work and have children??"??? Do they all have SAH wives and mothers???? Are they living in the same world as everyone else? Tossers, to be avoided as such.

You sound like me, I'm not someone who could be considered 'sober' and I know from experience that it's bloody hard work to appear to be when you're not.

I too work in a very male-dominated environment (aerospace engineering) but have never been asked about work/life balance, however I have always been very careful not to mention that I am a mother at the interview stage. It is a shame in this day and age but feel that it would certainly count against me. Being actually asked outright though is a bit shocking!!

Actually, a more relevant question would be 'how would you manage to fit you mumsnetting in during your working day'

Ok, have been on the phone to the agency, they are not happy bunnies.
Have just had to explain my reasons about 20 times and he has just basically told me i am stupid and hung up.

Oh well, they're not the only agency i'm registered with and all the other interviews are with different agencies anyway.

See thats what is really bothering me Getorf.

Yes, bentneck, but if she goes to the interview she will probably be offered the job then have to turn it down! Bigger black mark I think.

Anyway, it is the attitude of the company as a whole that is a problem I think so unlikely they would have any other jobs OP would be interested in.

I have been in this situation and simply told the agency that I did not feel the company suited me. They understood and still found me plenty of other interviews. A good agency will not hold it againsy you.

Remember that most agencies will have to refund the recruitment fee if the new employee leaves within 6 months. So there is no point them placing someone who is uneasy about the company.

I think YANBU - although there is some merit in taking any job, it doesn't look well if the first thing you do is keep looking for a better one.

They sound awfully restrictive and if you're already unhappy you aren't going to enjoy working there. If you have enough money, then you have the security for now to wait for a better option. TBH, working in a nice environment for less money would be ok - working in a horrid environment for less money would be utterly depressing.

YANBU. Don't go. You don't want the job and their feedback is totally odd and quite unprofessional, actually.

Cancel then give them feedback about their interview. I did that once to a company who misrepresented the job and the salary and had the termerity to ask very inappropriate questions about childcare/husband etc. I wouldn't have taken the job if they offered it to me anyway.

Sometimes in the whole job search nightmare it's nice to have a little fun at their expense.

Oh, ignore the stupid recruitment consultant. He sounds like a twat anyway. Good that you're registered with some other agencies.

Idrank, xpost - glad you turned them down and the agency sounds like one to avoid in the future!

As an aside - I am strangely disappointed to discover GerOrfMoiLand is an engineer. The piscute I had in my head was of a horsey type with mucky Barbour and green wellies. And possibly a shotgun broken over her arm.

another one bites the dust

picture - see, I am so disappointed my spelling has gone to pot.

Poledra - i share some of your disappointment but am also strangely excited to find another engineer on the board.

Would it make you feel better if i told you she could wear the same overalls for work as milking cows?

Lol at you lot! No, not a posh horsey type, rather look like Worzel Gummidge with a bit of straw hanging out my mouth with yokel accent!

see, now I have the picture of Ronnie Barker dressed as a besmocked yokel in my head for you

Another engineer here

Can you turn up and when they ask you another impertinent question (they're bound to aren't they), stand up, tell them they are being inappropriate and their job is not good enough for you? Oh, and wear party clothes.

thumbwitch - probably more accurate than a posh Princess Anne-ish horsey type

Lol Jux.

Or, take a tip from the character in Trainspotting (which one was it? Sickboy? God haven't seen that film in ages) who goes to an interview after taking loads of speed and sits there yapping away whilst the interviewers look on aghast!

It is completely illegal to ask about working and children, and you could actually take them to a tribunal for that, so tell your agency they have got off lightly.