Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DH being unreasonable?

41 replies

fraggletits · 04/05/2009 20:19

DH's parents have an all concrete backgarden, with rockery, concrete steps, ledges, lots of sharp edges, not a soft surface in sight.

DH hates it. Thinks it's a potential horrible accident for children waiting to happen out there.

There are parts of the garden we have to keep shouting at the kids to get out of because it really isn't safe (potential high fall ((for a 3yr old)) off built up steps onto concrete)

His parents have just spent quite a bit of money on doing up their house (new windows, kitchen, bathroom, furniture).

He thinks they should have spent a bit on kid-proofing their garden too (as they have 5 young grandchildren playing out there.....not everyday, but fairly often these days).

He's thinking they could at least remove all the concrete steps and ledges and just have it all level concrete (if grass is really really what they don't want)

I'm a quiet voice in all this....they're not my parents and it's not my place to tell anyone how to have their house.....

They're not budging. DH getting more annoyed with them....I'm just waiting for DD to fall over and whack her face, bleed slightly and that's it, massive family fall out.

Is he being unreasonable? His Dad asked DH what he was going to do about all the pavements out there and did he want to wrap his kids up in cotton wool? DH said he can't relax when his 1 yr old and 3 yr old are in his parents house and while we're at it, if you want your grandchildren playing happily in your house and garden then what's with the NEW glass coffee table.....with sharp edges?

He doesn't get them, thinks they're deluded......and I'm not sure I could lecture my parents this way!

OP posts:
ilovetochat · 04/05/2009 20:21

im afraid i think your dh ibu, its not your house and even if you visit daily they dont have to change their garden or furniture for you.

bigchris · 04/05/2009 20:21

he is being totoally unreasonable
he can't dictate to his parents how they have their garden
they probably spend years having to childproof when he was young, why should they do it now
I certainly won't be landscaping any future gardens with children in mind
he sounds an arse tbh, sorry!

poopscoop · 04/05/2009 20:22

he is being unreasonable. Whey should his parents change their garden to suit someone elses children.

rubyslippers · 04/05/2009 20:22

their garden and their choice i think

i can see your DH's concerns but it is very OTT to expect them to change it

same with the furniture

they can take steps to move stuff around when your cildren are there but it is THEIR house and they do not have to decorate it to please anyone but themselves

KingCanuteIAm · 04/05/2009 20:22

Yes HIBU - very!

The young grandchildren will be young for a maximum of what? 5 years? If that! You have the choice of not letting the young childreninto the garnden at the GPs.

TBH, I think lecturing his parents like this shows a lack of respect that would make me very wary!

mrsmaidamess · 04/05/2009 20:22

He is being overprecious, controlling and unreasonable.

canttouchthis · 04/05/2009 20:27

it's not his garden, hibu. his parents don't need to change anything if they don't want to. the kids just need extra supervision when they are out in the garden, that's all.

Ballina · 04/05/2009 20:30

It is their garden but I wouldn't have the kids round there. It's not safe.

steviesgirl · 04/05/2009 20:33

He is being unreasonable but I so do understnd his fears about this at the same time. However, it's NOT his place to lecture his parents on how they have their garden. If he's that concerned about the dangers in the concrete garden then he should watch them or stop them from playing outside.

I would feel uneasy abhout letting my young dd play in a garden this "hard" tbh. Luckily my parents cringe at the thought of my dd banging her head on the stone fireplace in their house, so they cover it with cushions.

I can't blame him for being concerned but it's not his house at the end of the day.

sleepyeyes · 04/05/2009 20:35

He is being utterly out of order! It's their home and garden they have finished their child raising.
When they become ill and old will your DH buy a bungalow with wheal chair access just incase they want to visit you?!

DeeBlindMice · 04/05/2009 20:40

It's not his place to tell his parents how to have their garden.

That said, if his parents make their house and garden unsafe for their grandchildren they will obviously have to understand if said grandchildren don't spend a lot of time at their house.

Presumably if they cared to see a lot of their grandchildren at their house they would make it more welcoming for them. If having a nasty concrete garden is more important to them, then that is up to them.

fulltimeworkingmum · 04/05/2009 20:46

Totally agree with DeeBlindMice. It's a two way street but he really shouldn't give them a hard time about how they choose to have their house or garden.

Thunderduck · 04/05/2009 20:47

He's being extremely unreasonable. And he ought to stop lecturing them.

Tortington · 04/05/2009 20:49

if my son - who is 19 and childless - told me in 10 years time that i should childproof ANYTHING in my home to accomodate his kids

i would tell him to talk a long walk off a short pier.

i think your dh is a complete utter total wanking LOON

screamingabdab · 04/05/2009 20:54

I agree with you all.

And custardo made me laugh

flimflammum · 04/05/2009 21:01

If not being unreasonable, he is being a bit over the top. In our parents' day, people didn't worry so much about safety, so he's expecting them to fix their garden up to HIS standards. I think if it was a potentially lethal risk, then that would be a different matter. E.g. my MIL has a pond but seems oblivious to the potential drowning risk for toddlers, and my parents seem oblivious to the potential scalding risk of hot drinks.

DeeBlindMice · 04/05/2009 21:02

Wow, my DD is only 1 and maybe my views will change, but if I ever have grandchildren I can only imagine making my home as nice and safe for them as possible.

I did ask my mum to change to her "good" rug the last time we were there after her dog scratched his arse the whole way across the regular one. The thought of my DD crawling around on it made my stomach turn, and I'm am very far from fastidious.

Admittedly I was laughing my ass off about it, but still, I did insist. I didn't think that was especially unreasonable. Neither did she. If she wanted to keep the dog's-anus rug on the floor while we were visiting I would not visit too much.

purpleduck · 04/05/2009 21:03

So is your DH going to come over every week and mow their lawn?

Maybe they did this so that when they are older they will have a maintenence free space.

Children change so, so quickly - in no time they will be fine.

Can they not use some of that space (your dc's - when they are visiting) to go on their trikes etc

maqrollelgaviero · 04/05/2009 21:04

We have the same but it's that the ils house is rammed with crap precious ornaments, cat food, all manner of stuff.

Dh whinges and moans but it's pointless as it's their house and that's how they like it. What it does mean though is that I don't take them there as often as I might as it's just to stressful making sure my 2 and 4 yr old dss don't damage either themselves or the gps lovely things.

Noonki · 04/05/2009 21:08

totally unreasonable.

my parents garden backs on to a canal. They have 5 gc four under 5.

No way would I expect them to change the garden, we just have to be vigilant.

herbietea · 04/05/2009 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pippylongstockings · 04/05/2009 21:10

My feet are placed in both camps.

I would be pee'd off if it was my parents - if they have 5 small grandchildren, then a little bit of child friendly behavour is not unreasonable - not asking them to change their whole house forevermore but in the short term do they really need it to be so un-toddler-friendly?

Also tho' as parents we often under-estimate what children can and can not do.

I think I would be pee'd orf if asked to do it, but having raised children of my own and presuming I loved/cared for the well being of my grandchildren I wouldn't mind child proofing my home for a few short years. My mum and PIL have stair gates, high chairs, toys, etc for the grandchildren. Thats normal is it not ?

Niftyblue · 04/05/2009 21:14

Don`t think your Dh is right

PIL have just got their lounge decorated in white walls sofas etc etc
totally inapprapiate(sp) for gcs

The kids are`nt allowed in with shoes drinks food etc etc
touch nothing!

They have waited years to get the lounge how they wanted it
after bringing up 4 kids and doing without nice things
I respect their choice and deal with it

Original poster
fraggletits · 04/05/2009 21:15

purpleduck I said exactly that to DH about was he prepared to mow their lawn for them.....that's when he asked couldn't they take away all the steps and keep the flat concrete.......or worse.....astroturf? Jesus!

Custardo you're right, I married a loon!

Urrgh, even worse, the 'told you so' attitude when one of them inevitably falls and momentarily hurts themselves.

OP posts:
newgirl · 04/05/2009 21:20

i reckon when you go to visit take the kids to the nearest park

my mil has a garden that is not childfriendly - spiky plants, sharp edges, flint bits everywhere and we just take them out every time we go to visit

Swipe left for the next trending thread