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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is DH being unreasonable?

41 replies

fraggletits · 04/05/2009 20:19

DH's parents have an all concrete backgarden, with rockery, concrete steps, ledges, lots of sharp edges, not a soft surface in sight.

DH hates it. Thinks it's a potential horrible accident for children waiting to happen out there.

There are parts of the garden we have to keep shouting at the kids to get out of because it really isn't safe (potential high fall ((for a 3yr old)) off built up steps onto concrete)

His parents have just spent quite a bit of money on doing up their house (new windows, kitchen, bathroom, furniture).

He thinks they should have spent a bit on kid-proofing their garden too (as they have 5 young grandchildren playing out there.....not everyday, but fairly often these days).

He's thinking they could at least remove all the concrete steps and ledges and just have it all level concrete (if grass is really really what they don't want)

I'm a quiet voice in all this....they're not my parents and it's not my place to tell anyone how to have their house.....

They're not budging. DH getting more annoyed with them....I'm just waiting for DD to fall over and whack her face, bleed slightly and that's it, massive family fall out.

Is he being unreasonable? His Dad asked DH what he was going to do about all the pavements out there and did he want to wrap his kids up in cotton wool? DH said he can't relax when his 1 yr old and 3 yr old are in his parents house and while we're at it, if you want your grandchildren playing happily in your house and garden then what's with the NEW glass coffee table.....with sharp edges?

He doesn't get them, thinks they're deluded......and I'm not sure I could lecture my parents this way!

OP posts:

RustyBear · 04/05/2009 21:22

When my two were small, DH's parents' house had a garden on a steep hill.It had retaining walls with sheer drops of anything up to 6 feet all over the place - including one right round the back of the house that was referred to as 'the moat' They also had a concrete path with steps of varying heights (which was pretty lethal to adults, never mind little children)several poisonous plants,and a pond.

We would never have thought of asking them to change anything, we just accepted that we had to watch the kids when they were out there.

Mumcentreplus · 04/05/2009 21:24

If you can afford it I'm sure if you are willing to pay and it's tastefully done I'm sure they would not object...otherwise keep stum it's not your garden...

Original poster

fraggletits · 04/05/2009 21:25

Then again.....they did used to have a glass table at the bottom of the stairs and their oldest grandchild, when learning to climb stairs, fell and smacked her face off it.

Again I think his mind asked.....Why a glass table right at the bottom of the stairs when babies learning to climb?

Why? It serves no purpose other than decoration and can be moved....so why do we now have to move it when there's a 12 month old screaming with a (albeit not too serious) cut on face? Has nobody any forethought?

Again, I'm interested to see that most people are pretty relaxed about things because I always have been. My parents are pretty crap with safety precautions, they have a pool, they leave plugged in phone chargers lying around and glasses in full reach but nobody dead......yet!!!

OP posts:

KingCanuteIAm · 04/05/2009 21:37

The thing is, IMO, this is not comparable to ornaments or a glass table. They can be removed whilst the DG are in the house/garden and be put back later with no-one affected. He is asking for their whole garden to be dug up, steps removed etc, this cannot be put back once the dg have grown! He is asking them to change something quite fundamental not transitory.

If he was saying "My parents have filled the borders with sharpened bamboo sticks to keep out the neighbours cats and I would like them moved" then I would say he had a point, they are something that can be replaced, something that is not necessary to the garden for it to function in its current form. The rockery and steps are the garden so are a whole different ball game!

KingCanuteIAm · 04/05/2009 21:41

To take the glass table thing a bit further (and to make my post clearer because I sense it may be gobbaldigook!) If there was a glass table as you describe fraggle it would be fine to ask for the table to be removed but not ok to ask for the stairs to be removed... IMO he is asking for the stairs to be removed, if he is that worried he could just say he does not want your dc to go out in the garden - problem solved.

hatesponge · 04/05/2009 21:50

He's being utterly unreasonable - and quite rude.

If his parents house is such an apparent 'elf n safety' nightmare, why doesn't he ask them to come to your house for visits rather than going to see them?!

I can't imagine ever doing anything so PFB-ish as telling my family how to landscape their garden.

mayorquimby · 05/05/2009 12:50

your dh is being unreasonable and completely precious.
not to mention rude.

AllFallDown · 05/05/2009 13:20

Also, the one point no one else seems to be making is that it is important to expose children to risk. Only by learning how to assess the relative risk of different activities and situations - and that does mean they get hurt sometimes - can they learn what to do and what not to do. I think we all sometimes forget that preventing children ever getting hurt should not be part of parenting; equipping them with the tools to ensure they know how to avoid getting seriously hurt is more useful.

titchy · 05/05/2009 13:51

Onn a seperate note your pil's garden sounds lovely!

branflake81 · 05/05/2009 14:04

Our "garden" (if you can call it that) is a small plot of concrete, surrounded by steep concrete steeps up to teh front door and steep concrete steps down to the gate.

No, it's not ideal but the kids have learned to be careful. Your DP is being very precious and very unreasonable dictating how his parents should have their garden.

Original poster

fraggletits · 05/05/2009 14:05

Allfalldown - (apt name) - that is also my point. Far better to teach the kids to be careful out there than to try and remove risk.

Strange because he's not one of these fathers who wraps his kids up in cotton wool in any other way.

I think it's something more than just the state of their garden. I think there's tension there about something, could be a whole host of things who knows!

OP posts:

mumeeee · 05/05/2009 15:20

He is unreasonable. It's thier Garden and he can't expect them to childproof everything.

OrmIrian · 05/05/2009 15:24

Yes he is.

And I'd put money on the DC not hurting themselves unless he follows them around wincing and worrying over every move .

screamingabdab · 05/05/2009 17:26

fraggletits I would think you must be right - maybe this is not JUST about the garden. There must be other "ishoos" between DH and his parents.

scarrow · 02/06/2009 19:32

If they want to see their garandchildren at their house I think they should make some effort to make it child safe. If they don't I wouldn't take their garandkids there. Make it their choice.

posieparker · 02/06/2009 19:35

I would have to watch my dcs at that age regardless of the garden they were in. I may decline invitations to my parents house on playing in the garden days if their garden was a potential death trap.

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