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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that dd's teacher was over-zealous in enforcing the school's nuts policy?

33 replies

melpomene · 30/04/2009 20:27

The children in dd1's class (year 1) often bring in sweets to give out on their birthdays. The sweets are always given out at the end of the school day when the children are being collected by their parents.

So, on dd's birthday I sent her in with a multi-pack containing mini bags/bars of chocolate (Dairy Milk, buttons, Flake etc). I checked to make sure that none of them had nuts as an ingredient because nuts are forbidden in school. There were 6 different types of sweet in the bag and 4 of the 6 had a warning "may contain traces of nuts" but I thought that would be OK because nobody in dd's class has a nut allergy. The other 2 types of sweet were guaranteed nut-free. DD was very excited about the prospect of giving out the chocolate.

At the end of the day I collected her and she came out in floods of tears, because her teacher had said that she couldn't give out the chocolate in case it had nuts in it. Most of the other children had left by the time she calmed down enough to tell me what had happened, so it was too late to approach the other parents/children to offer them round ourselves. When we got home dd1 cried in her room for half an hour

So, AIBU to think that dd's teacher could have given out the sweets, or at least announced to the parents that they were available, given that (1) no one in the class has a nut allergy and (2) all the children were being handed into the care of parents?

OP posts:
islandofsodor · 30/04/2009 20:44

YANBU. Every brand I know except Kinnerton has that on even if they don't contain nuts as a just in case.

Mind you I do have to say that I personally hate the giving out of chocolate and sweets on birthdays and that is actually banned in our school. Don't get me wrong, my kids get plenty of chocolate but they were getting a bag every week and wanting to eat them not long before their teas.

Kimi · 30/04/2009 20:46

So sorry for your DD, I think it was a bit over zealous but on the other hand they have to be really careful, two children a DS2s school have nut allergys so bad they could die, but we still give out chocolates and sweets.

edam · 30/04/2009 20:48

oh, poor dd, horrible to see your child so very upset. Rotten teacher.

Can you send her in with a bag of Haribo or something tomorrow?

TheProvincialLady · 30/04/2009 20:50

What do the other children manage to give out?

duchesse · 30/04/2009 20:52

Haribo is yum, but isn't it made with pork gelatin? Guaranteed to be unacceptable vegetarians, Muslims and Jews in one fell swoop... I think that jelly babies are "safe".

Original poster
melpomene · 30/04/2009 20:55

Most of the others seem to give out Haribo, which wouldn't be my choice because it has gelatine in it. (My dds and I are veggie and I don't buy things with gelatine, but I let my dds eat them when someone else gives them out.) One boy gave out Maltesers a few weeks ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
melpomene · 30/04/2009 20:56

cross post!

OP posts:
BigBellasBeerBelly · 30/04/2009 21:01

for your DD.

It does seem extreme to me but my DD isn't at school yet so I have yet to be fully indoctrinated into the sort of things that go on.

I am dreading it.

i do hope your DD feels better about it all soon.

scribblehead · 30/04/2009 21:19

Do feel sad for your DD but if the school has a strict policy then the teacher has to go along with it. What she could have done is take the time to explain this nicely to your daughter and you. She could also have tried to make your daughter feel special in some other way, perhaps by singing happy birthday. I know it's no excuse but as a teacher I have to say the end of the day is sometimes really busy. Next time try to give the teacher the sweets at the start of the day and you check it's ok before your DD gets her hopes up.

BalloonSlayer · 30/04/2009 21:37

I would say she was slightly over-zealous.

Some children with a nut allergy may react to potential minute traces in a bar without nuts as an ingredient, but their parents will be well aware of what bars are safe and are quite capable of removing them from their child to swap for something they can eat.

Practically everything these days, especially chocolate says it "may contain..." traces of nuts or milk.

My DS1 has bad allergies to milk and eggs and to a lesser extent nuts.

We were told to look at the ingredients, but not to reject food with said "may contain traces..." unless he actually reacted to that food, because otherwise there would be virtually nothing he can eat.

I observe that while he was for some time the only child with an epipen in the school, people were asked not to send in nut products for Christmas parties, but were never asked not to send in milk products.

If you want to make an issue of it, I would ask the school to confirm its policy on nuts. If they say that everything must be guaranteed nut free, ask whether their school meals are guaranteed nut free. That'll stuff 'em!

BlueBumedFly · 30/04/2009 21:43

I am a step-mother to a child with a nut allergy and even I think the teacher may have been being over zealous. If the parents were there then they could have quite easily said 'no thank you' if their child was nut sensitive. Obviously giving chocolate to a child without their parent there can be dangerous if there is no prior knowledge to the sensitivity. But if the parents are there then why is it a problem?

So, what about the kids with the milk allergies or egg or soya allergies? I'll bet she does not react the same way. You can bet your bottom dollar if a kid came in with some homemade fairy cakes she would have given them out without a thought of the egg/milk allergy kids.

We teach our children to be careful and check if foods are 'safe'. They have to know that the whole world does not revolve around them otherwise how are they expected to take care of themselves and their allergy if they are not taught to ask the right questions, sadly we cannot be with them 24.7 so we need to know we are bringing them up correctly. If the teacher is going to allow this practice of bringing in sweets then she would keep a bag of 'safe' sweets in her desk to give to the allergy kids when it was birthday time for other children. What are her guidelines?

Hmmmmm, hope I don't get flamed for this but I do think the if the sweets had no nuts in, just a pack warning then the parents are old enough and ugly enough to take care of their own child's needs. Allergy Mums always carry spare 'safe' sweets in their bag for just such occasions so their child does not feel left out.

Poor DD, I would send her in with some Galaxy Bars broken up into little pieces in individual freezer bags maybe or a 'safe' chocolate and let her give those out.

Every now and then I see satay chicken for sale and shiver, then I remember that we are in the minority and the whole world cannot give up nuts as our SDD cannot have them.

Teacher did not see the big picture in my mind and if she wants to go down this route then she needs to provide a 'safe list' which covers all allergies or knock the whole thing on the head.

Sorry for ranting.

Phoenix4725 · 30/04/2009 21:48

as aparent with a child with severe nut allergy .I can see point of view as ateacher my dd cant even risk anything that might contain a slightes traceof nut, and after the school teacher has seen how she reacts .y=think 999 and air ambulance and cardic arrest .she would tend to be very stict to giving thingsout ..none wants to put a child at even slightest risk

island of sodor

sometimes its because the machiene used before might been for something that had nuts in so there is a small risk of cross contimantion.

oh and cadburys is the worse as they make several differnt lines that contain nuts

What dd school do is if they give them out child is not allowed to eat and to cover dd I supply each term a bag of safe goodies that way she does not miss out if others are having treats

morningpaper · 30/04/2009 21:50

That's bloody silly silly silly

I would ask the head to clarify

Your poor DD!

KingCanuteIAm · 30/04/2009 21:54

Our school has the same policy, in a case like this they simply hand the sweet to the parent as the child leaves so that they can check it and decide for themselves if they should give it to the child.

Yes their concern is reasonable no their action was not. Poor dd

scribblehead · 30/04/2009 21:55

I completely agree that things have gone crazy on the health and safety / worried about being sued front. The teacher might not be happy with the school's policy either but she can't just go her own merry way doing something different from the rest of the school.

BlueBumedFly - wouldn;t you rather the teacher spent her evenings and weekends planning great lessons than making 'safe lists'?

KingCanuteIAm · 30/04/2009 22:01

Scribblehead - I think that was actually BBF's point!

BlueBumedFly · 30/04/2009 22:02

Scribblehead - yes of course but to be honest a 'safe list' could take a few minutes chatting to the parents of an allergic child after class to gauge what they thought. Or, she could ask a willing parent if they would take the time to write one up perhaps?

I was flamed once on a nut thread that I reacted too (sorry no pun intended) by a parent of an egg/milk allergic child as the focus is on nuts and nobody really worries about the other allergies. I have fought long and hard for my SDD, provided lists and insights for schools and teachers and am more than willing to do the leg work.

I am sure the teacher is extremely busy, I don't doubt that for a single moment. I think a few minutes of well invested time could save the upset of lots of kids in her classes for years to come. I am sure she is an excellent teacher, I just feel very sorry for the OPs little girl who obviously had a terrible birthday.

scribblehead · 30/04/2009 22:12

BlueBumedFly -I know it's boring but I can't really disagree with that. I just feel a bit sorry for the teacher too. It's a full on job providing great lessons across a broad range of subjects, meeting all the different children's learning needs, filling in all the endless admin and sometimes, when you've just got 30 children changed from PE, found little Johnny's lost coat, given out the letters which have come down late from the office, are about to let all the children out on time and someone produces sweets to give out your heart can sink a bit. That's why I said before just give them to the teacher at the start of the day and have a quick chat then.

Sassybeast · 30/04/2009 22:14

Your poor DD. I do understand the enforcement of the policy though as my mates DD has a severe nut allergy which actually only became apparent when she was 4. It is a bit H&S gone mad but our school doesn't allow sweets/chocolate on birthdays at all and tbh as a parent, that suits me as I like to limit the amount of confectioary mine have. On birthdays I buy some tat in party packs from Toys r Us - mni bottles of bubbles, braclets etc. They often end up as cheap as sweets and (hopefully) don't cause offence/ill health to anyone.

BlueBumedFly · 30/04/2009 22:20

Scribblehead - if I am honest I would say ban all sweets from outside sources, as you say, teachers have enough to deal with. I/we spend our lives trying to 'protect' SDD. I totally take your point on board.

However, if you are going to allow sweets you need guidelines before the kid even gets in the door. If the OPs DD had taken the sweets to the teacher and 9am and she had said nope then the poor child would have had the whole day ruined. Either way it is rubbish for someone, the teacher, the child or the parent.

With a strong set of school approved guidelines in place it means nobody is put out whether they cannot have nuts, eggs, milk, soya, gelatin or whatever.

I will send a list if she wants one?

Sassybeat - I really like the idea of bubbles etc, good for you!

scribblehead · 30/04/2009 22:30

In my experience most kids actually get over any disappointment about sweets really quickly if you've got the time to make a fuss of them in other ways.'You enjoy those sweets at home with your family. Now it's your birthday, how fantastic! How old are you now? Are you having a cake/ doing something special/ having presents? I think you should be first out to play today/ choose the story/ pick a song etc etc'

I do agree though clearer guidelines always help and bring on the bubbles!

MetalMummy · 30/04/2009 22:38

YANBU, The teacher was being a bit over-zealous. If there are no children in the class with nut allergy I really can't see what the problem was (although in my DSs class there are 2 children with nutallergy and they are still allowed to give out sweets, the teacher just makes sure that it is the parent who is given the sweets for those children and not the child themselves). My DS(6yrs) is allergic to a few things and he knows that if it's another childs birthday he can't eat whatever sweets have been given out until I've had chance to read the label. Most of the other parents are aware of his allergies and quite a few have bought milk-free chocolate secifically for him.

bruffin · 30/04/2009 23:41

The schools policy actually goes against the anaphylaxis campaign advice which is that schools should not have a no nut policy.

DS's teacher would always ask me first if it was alright if he could have a chocolate with nut traces which was fine with me.

BalloonSlayer · 01/05/2009 08:05

Meant to add last night that DS1 has his own "treats box" with stuff he can have so that if the others bring in chocolate he can choose something he can have.

I was to find a girl in his class with a nut allergy had also had some treats from his box; the staff had assumed that as he also has a nut allergy his treats would be safe for her. I didn't mind the sharing - on fact I was delighted as it makes him feel less alone - but was worried in case there were "may contain traces..." things in there that she could react to. He is not very allergic to nuts ie it's not the allergy he has his epipen for, but nuts is her big allergy. I had to find her mum in a panic and check. But 'twas OK.

littlestarschildminding · 01/05/2009 08:10

I hate them giving out choc at school as ds 4yrs has a serious nut allergy..

He came out last term with a quality street with a hazlenut in it.....was just unwrapping it to eat it. He had asked the teacher if it had nuts in it and she had said no....!!!!

Scares the pants off me that people can be so callous about it!!

Personally I would prefer that any treats be given to the parents as they collect so that we can decide whether to let them have them or not.

Think the teacher was wrong to not at least give them to the parents to give out.