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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think who are these women who are my friends?

41 replies

peachyfox · 30/04/2009 13:21

We just got back from a week away with friends, some couples, some single, all with kids apart from us, and we have one on the way . Round the table after dinner, my girlfriends all started talking about babies. One by one, the menfolk drifted away and I found them congregated in the kitchen, having a whale of a time. Back at the table, conversation was animated, but DULL.

Many of their anecdotes revolve around their baby and what it did or where it pood or sicked up or something.

These women were all previously vital, interesting and dynamic. Is this the future dragging me towards it like a dark abyss?

OP posts:
jeminthecity · 30/04/2009 13:23

Ha ha, yes!!

GypsyMoth · 30/04/2009 13:23

only if you let it.....some women can still be interesting AND have kids.....

jeminthecity · 30/04/2009 13:23

Well actually, no, not really.

Hassled · 30/04/2009 13:25

No. This is not the future. They won't always be talking about babies - you'll find that soon they move on to toddlers and then summer birthdays/starting school and then SATs and before you know it you'll be talking trips to the shop on their own...

The time will just fly by. Then you can start comparing University applications.

jeminthecity · 30/04/2009 13:25

That was a x post, sorry, it led on from my previous one.

You don't have to end up borng and JUST talk abot babies, but it is a pretty big thing that happens, so it's not surprising people DO.

TeriHatchetJob · 30/04/2009 13:25

Yes, you will probably be just like them - this is your first after all and you will be in awe of the little critter.

Given time though you will eventually realise that the world does consist of other things and normality may resume, hopefully...........

DomPerignon · 30/04/2009 13:25

Not necessarily. I bet they are still interesting, though you dont find them so because they talk about things you have no clue about, yet.

There is a duality to women in motherhood. On the one hand they can be who they were before, articulate, interesting, career driven, intellectual, but ALSO motherly and with the concerns of motherhood. In this particular case these women chose to chat about their babies. This is quite common when babies are quite small, and motherhood is a very new thing. You will soon find back to yourself, and might have evenings out with other mothers without even mentioning the dc's!

pooter · 30/04/2009 13:25

just wait - you too will be obsessed with poo.

After i had DS it felt like nothing else i had cared about previously mattered. I am beginning to think a bit more widely now (he is 2) but my main concern is infant health and any political issues surrounding that.

Give in to the dark side

HecatesTwopenceworth · 30/04/2009 13:26

yes we can! look no further than our very own mumsnet. Lots of very interesting, intelligent and funny women.

And for a parenting site, surprisingly little talk of the kids really

Original poster
peachyfox · 30/04/2009 13:48

But Dom surely babies, however amazingly beautiful, are ten-a-penny in this world, and so less interesting as a topic of conversation than some others?

And then, to cap it all, when I went to get in my friend's car she said 'hop in little lady!'

No no no no no no no!

OP posts:
DomPerignon · 30/04/2009 13:50

"But Dom surely babies, however amazingly beautiful, are ten-a-penny in this world, and so less interesting as a topic of conversation than some others? "

To you maybe, as you may not yet have developed the gift of empathy, but you will!

FlorenceAndtheWashingMachine · 30/04/2009 13:53

I have a friend whom I fear having another child as she goes "deep cover" for the period of her maternity leave (3 DCs) and can talk about nothing else but babies. She is very bright and successful and I think that she simply gets very absorbed in whatever she is doing.

I do think that many women rely on talking about kids as a way to break the ice and then find it hard to move on from that. Men seem to fall back on football in the same way.

cherryblossoms · 30/04/2009 13:56

Ih peachyfox ... .

I'm snurking evilly as aI read your post. May I suggest you print it out and save it for after the baby is born?

How I remember Zoe Arnold writing something similar in one of her pre-baby columns. Oddly enough, I remember the article she wrote on irony, too. Saying that we apply the term often without understanding of its complex intellectual heritage.

Yes. That abyss ... having babies is something like an abyss - it's a crossing, you pass across it, you are changed, there is a before and an after ... .

Important thing to do is to be aware, and hold onto yourself as you cross, so that you experience it as a gaining thing, rather than a losing thing.

Confuzzeled · 30/04/2009 14:16

Ha Ha Ha, this makes me laugh so much it's so true.

No matter how many interesting and amazing things you or others do, they will be insignificant to the new little that you produced. You can see it as a dark abyss now but it'll be the other way round in a few months. Once you've had your lo and your sitting with these woman, you'll feel a sense of belonging that is truely amazing.

Good Luck with your pregnancy.

Original poster
peachyfox · 30/04/2009 14:21

Thanks ladies, like feels much simpler now I know there is no hope

Cherryb I'm going to write myself a letter not to be opened for six months.

Will post results!

OP posts:
potplant · 30/04/2009 14:24

'Babies are ten-a-penny' Just you wait!

squeaver · 30/04/2009 14:28

You see, babies are ten-a-penny but none are as interesting/amazing/beautiful as your own. And that is why the conversation never ends...

jalopy · 30/04/2009 14:32

Peachyfox, re-read this thread in 9 months time and report back.

Original poster
peachyfox · 30/04/2009 14:47

Yes yes, I'm sure you're all right - at least I bloody hope so or I'll be the worst mum ever..

But shouldn't we 'fight the feeling' in 'mixed company' i.e. when there are people who do not share the babylove? Or at least start easing off after a couple of hours?

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 30/04/2009 14:51

For a while yes, that may happen. But it's OK because you won't realise how dull you are . But it will pass. My youngest is now 6 and I find baby talk dull dull dull! I struggle not to yawn which I never thought would be the case. Much more interested in school issues these days. But I also talk about other things. I can bore on many subjects. I in fact am a Renaissance bore.

nickschick · 30/04/2009 14:53

My dh used to be a 'bouncer' hence a lot of our social life used to revolve around pubs n clubs,15 years ago a few of us were pregnant at a similar time-since then we drifted apart from our 'friends'.

However on a recent get together there were several people there from the past - imagine my surprise when all us women were happily chatting about obama,wallpaper,ann summers,dental work etc etc I went into the kitchen to find all the blokes discussing their children gcses and general kid chat - maybe it only affects you for a few years?? all my nan ever talks about is the price of potatoes lolol

newgirl · 30/04/2009 14:56

i think there is a gulf between those with kids and those without

my mates without kids are just not interested, which is fine by me as i get to talk about other things. but when they have their own it all changes. suddenly they get it.

mind you having a baby doesnt mean that you suddenly like that type of conversation all the time nor will you like all other mothers and bond with them - some you will find dull but if you are very lucky you can make some fantastic new mates too

i dont think i ever discussed poo by the way - not obligatory

Sycamoretree · 30/04/2009 14:58

Yes, this is your life from now on . The only thing you haven't quite taken into account is how interested you will be in your babies sick/poo/cradle cap once he or she arrives...and to a lesser extent how this compares to the sick/poo/cradle cap your mum mates LO's are having!

Seriously, it probably sounds worse than it really is. Of course you can have all the old conversations too, but honestly, most of us do become a bit obsessed with our LO's. I work full time in a high stress and well paid medja jobby, but constantly find it hilarious how many meetings, with external clients as well as internal meetings, start and end with a catch up on latest bugs, illnesses, exams stresses etc everyone's various offspring are going through...and it's not just the women either!

You're perspective on it all will change....probably.

Queenoftheharpies · 30/04/2009 15:06

peachyfox, I know what you mean. And yes, in mixed company I think we should fight the feeling.

Suspect it may well be a losing battle though - we may just have to ride it out.

wotulookinat · 30/04/2009 15:10

Sounds like a typical glimpse into what women sometimes talk about. Welcome to motherhood - you too will talk about poo more openly in the future