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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think who are these women who are my friends?

41 replies

peachyfox · 30/04/2009 13:21

We just got back from a week away with friends, some couples, some single, all with kids apart from us, and we have one on the way . Round the table after dinner, my girlfriends all started talking about babies. One by one, the menfolk drifted away and I found them congregated in the kitchen, having a whale of a time. Back at the table, conversation was animated, but DULL.

Many of their anecdotes revolve around their baby and what it did or where it pood or sicked up or something.

These women were all previously vital, interesting and dynamic. Is this the future dragging me towards it like a dark abyss?

OP posts:

Original poster

peachyfox · 30/04/2009 15:30

Thanks queenof next time I'll invite you along !

OP posts:

stealthsquiggle · 30/04/2009 15:36

[evil cackle] welcome to your future....

You can try to prevent it though - next time, let them do it for a while and then call them on it - it is almost certainly unconscious - they are going into 'baby group' mode, forgetting that the whole point of old friends is that you do have stuff other than children in common.

Original poster

peachyfox · 30/04/2009 15:48

thanks squiggle
Actually I said to them, do you realise the boys are all in the kitchen? And they all slapped their foreheads, like, god we've gone and done it again...

Some of them are too far gone though. One put her dog down for a nap. It was very confused and scratched forlornly at the door...

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potplant · 30/04/2009 16:04

So when you say mixed company you mean men and women? I thought you meant mum/non mums.

Why would men not be interested in talking about children. Mine is.

BalloonSlayer · 30/04/2009 16:04

I find that I am very interested in my DCs poo, naps, feeding but not interested at all in anyone else's DC's poo, naps, feeding etc.

One friend of mine has always been particularly bad on the baby/child talk front. I'll never forget a meal out with her when she was expecting no2, I had just miscarried for the 3rd time but was secretly pg with DC1. She spent the whole evening going on about "when you've got kids," and "Oh, I don't believe I'm going to have twoooooo..." when as far as she knew I was completely heartbroken. Now her DCs are a bit older she's got a bloody dog and never stops telling anecdotes about that. when we had our last DC she kept saying "when are you coming to meet OUR new baby?" - she meant the frigging dog! - actually she IS lovely though...

Wizzska · 30/04/2009 16:06

Make a list of all the things you say you will never do when you have DCs. After your baby is born, give it 6 months or a year and then see how many of those things you have done.

DH recognises that he is the biggest hypocrite in town. He was so anti babies before we had DS it was untrue. Hated kids on busses, restaurants, in planes etc. He's now a SAHD and goes to soft play and toddler groups with DS.

You will talk about baby poo and breastfeeding for a while but the old you is still in there, but with a new perspective on life too.

Thebolter · 30/04/2009 16:14

I find baby talk really dull. I prefer to meet up with friends one to one because when in groups women tend to talk about the one thing that they have in common: children.

Of an evening I often find myself detaching from the ladies circle and joining the men, one night we made and then played with pornographic trump cards and on another occasion we smoked cigars and did flaming Sambucas. Far more fun.

GColdtimer · 30/04/2009 16:14

"But Dom surely babies, however amazingly beautiful, are ten-a-penny in this world, and so less interesting as a topic of conversation than some others? "

Peachy, this really, really made me laugh. Its really sweet.

But there is hope, DD is now 3 and I can go whole evenings without mentioned poo once.

And lol at your friend putting her dog down for nap.

jeminthecity · 30/04/2009 16:17

I agree about writing things down and then reading them in 6 months time.

I would never have believed someone like ME could find another persons poo SOOOOO interesting.

He's now 11, and I have no interest in his poo, it IS just a stage,to talk on and on about your babies etc, but a natural one.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 30/04/2009 16:22

Peachyfox you will have a wry chuckle at your own words there 'babies are ten-a-penny'

Yes they are, but not your own darling, beautiful PFB who will clearly be the cleverest, most intelligent, cute child in the whole world - ever!

I feel like I am just coming out of the fog and DS is 9 months. I've started taking an interest in the world around me again, DH and I discussed politics over a bottle glass of wine the other night, it was wonderful .

Don't despair - embrace the obsession when it happens because IME there is NOTHING like looking round a room full of women you love and have known for years and seeing them full of the joy of motherhood. It is very very special.

Original poster

peachyfox · 30/04/2009 16:33

potplant by mixed company I mean the kidless and, well, pretty much all men. Men might be besotted with their kids, but they don't seem to have the same capacity to talk about the nitty gritty stuff. Lovely that your DH can though!

I hope you don't all think I'm some hard-nosed old boot who'll leave her kids on the bus - I know for sure I'll want to talk about babies babies babies, but I just think there's a time and a place, like when you're with other mums who share that with you. Not when you're having a dinner party and someone keeps hammering on about what little Otto did with his plastic saw or something because as a story it will have limited appeal. What Balloons says is a perfect illustration, I would hate to be so wrapped up in my baby world that I didn't stop to think how someone else might be feeling.

When I was desperate to be pg (I'm 41 and this is my first, so you'll have some idea) I confided in a friend who had just had her third, that I feared never having a child (I'd just been dumped) and, with the gorgeous infant cradled in her arms, she proceeded to tell me how I didn't want one of these smelly things, always crying and making at mess, etc. I was very upset.

I just don't want to forget about real life...

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Original poster

peachyfox · 30/04/2009 16:34

Albibaba aw, that will be nice! Actually I felt left out of it for a long time so it will be cool to be in the club!

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MrsMattie · 30/04/2009 16:40

I don't think it's inevitable. I only have one friend who bores on about her kids the whole time. With my other 'mum' friends, we'll usually have a bit of a gossip about the kids at some point, but always move on to other topics. In fact, my single girl friends want to know how my kids are in greater details than my mum friends, to be honest.

Have to say, though - for the first year or so with your first child, I think you probably will be pretty obsessed with your baby - and all things baby. It's perfectly natural, and doesn't make you a mindless bore. Why wouldn't you be? it's a huge event in your life and it is exciting. You genuinely do feel quite worked up about such enthralling subjects as weaning and potty training. The novelty tends to tail off a bit after a while, though...

Personally, I do love a good swapping of mundane child-related stories with my mum friends. but i also like to move on to politics, books and hot guys on TV, too

GColdtimer · 30/04/2009 17:06

I agree with MrsM.

And congratulations peachy on your pregnancy by the way. You won't forget about real life. Its just that your real life will also contain a being that takes up a substantial amount of time and emotional energy and will present you with challenges you will seek advice on and thoughts and feelings that you will want to share with others.

Original poster

peachyfox · 30/04/2009 17:33

I know! I can't wait!

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Sycamoretree · 30/04/2009 18:09

Yes, congrats peachy - it's just so lovely that your baby is on it's way.

And also, I saw a bus full of sweaty boisterous 15 year olds the other day and, no disrespect to teenagers all over the land, it did remind me to treasure every moment with my DC's whilst they are so little.

Every lobbing of a sippy cup across the table (grrr, DS 20 months) and every pouty lipped death stare from DD (3.5yrs when she has to go upstairs to bed) because one day it'll all be over and there will be far more real things to worry about and talk about other than feeds, nappies, and whether they can hold a pencil properly.

It's kind of nice sometimes to get wrapped up in such delicious silly detail.

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