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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For getting pissed off at being completely ignored when speaking?

29 replies

SweetMaryJesus · 29/04/2009 22:09

This was a 'convo' I had earlier with DP:

me - "I'll write those applications off tonight ..."

dp - "you need a bag for that stuff ... hang on" and he goes to find me a bag.

I wait until he comes back in and resay ..

"As I was saying, I'll send thos applications off for tonight ... "

dp - "you don't want this bag! it's all wet ... hang on ... "

FFS I'M TRYING TO FFING SPEAK TO YOU!!

Does anyone else get really angry during this kind of convo? I see it as really ignorent and rude. He doesn't even seem to realise he's doing it.

Am I being anal?

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetMaryJesus · 29/04/2009 22:38

I guess I am then

OP posts:
hf128219 · 29/04/2009 22:39

Just life!

biscuitsmustbedunkedintea · 29/04/2009 22:39

Sounds like any conversation I have with my mum when DD is in the room. I now just walk out. 10 mins later she realises.

YANBU

solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 29/04/2009 22:40

It's absolutely maddening and I do sympathise. Basically it must feel like he is saying 'Oh, little woman wittering away, I'm not remotely interested so I will just tell her to do something that I want her to do and tune out her witterings.' Does he generally make you feel unimportant - and does he do it to other people as well?

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 29/04/2009 22:41

DH does this ALL THE TIME. Has no idea he's doing it. He will 'listen' and say he's listened but then completely hasn't. Or he will totally not acknowledge that I'm talking, or talk over me. It's like he has selective deafness. YANBU!

missingtheaction · 29/04/2009 22:42

SWEEPING STEREOTYPE ALERT:
you cannot possibly expect dp to listen to you while he is thinking about something difficult like what plastic bag you need - he can't multitask, remember?

wannaBe · 29/04/2009 22:42

This happens to me too. But not just with dh but with other people as well so guess I don't have much worthwhile to say .

Dh has got better since I pointed it out to him, but during the easter hols we were at ILs and I was talking about something when mil totally changed the subject in the middle of what I was saying.

ChippingIn · 29/04/2009 22:44

YABU

You know all they hear is yadda yadda yadda beer yadda yadda yadda football yadda yadda yadda sex - just like puppies.

YANBU really , but they are pretty much all the same, anyone with a different model count yourself lucky

kitkatqueen · 29/04/2009 22:44

dp does this, I now wait till he's finished and say " As I was saying before I was so rudely interupted" I say it with a grin but he gets the point.

Homebird8 · 29/04/2009 23:27

He was thinking about your needs at the time. At least he wasn't asking you where he put his iPod.

YANBU for feeling not listened to but He would not BU for feeling that he's very supportive and helpful.

Relationships are a bit like that. Like with children, work out your battles.

PlumpRumpSoggyBaps · 29/04/2009 23:34

I get this a lot with my DH, bless him. Now, if it's something really important, I tell him to shush, repeat what I had to say, then get him to repeat it back to me. It's a bit of a joke between us, but it gets the point across.

Like Homebird said, he was at least thinking about your needs! (Actually, my DH would probably view the bag as more important, too.....)

thumbwitch · 29/04/2009 23:40

heh heh, I had a fleeting memory of one of the Gary Larson Far Side cartoons - where the dog or cat hears only their name and then just white noise in between here, scroll down to nos. 5 and 6 for what I mean!

No, YANBU, it is v. annoying.

Pheebe · 30/04/2009 08:20

GRR, missed this last night but going to have a little rant anyway. DH's family and my sis do this ALL THE TIME.

You can barely finish a sentence before they're waffling on about themselves or something completely different. ITS SOOOO BLARDY RUDE.

DH's mum is the absolute worst for it. You try and tell her something, and she's already done it, had it, had it worse, or is already dying from it. GRRRRRRRR I HATE IT!!!

DS1 started to do it, I come down on him like a tonne of bricks and make a point of correcting him in front of DHs family at every opportunity. Makes DH cringe as he reckons his mum knows its directed at her. But my arguent is that she should know better and have better manners.

OOOO I am bitter about it aren't I

To answer your OP, YANBU

StealthPolarBear · 30/04/2009 08:29

DH does this all the time, or I catch him halfway through a conversation looking out of the window or at a bit of decorating he wishes he'd done better. Very annoying!

nickschick · 30/04/2009 08:30

My dh is like this unless it concerns dinner or the sky remote .....

thefortbuilder · 30/04/2009 08:34

solid gold has got it on the nail - tuning out.

that's what my dh actuvely calls it - when i have to answer his question 3 days in a row because he's tuned me out previously

p*sses me off

Tn0g · 30/04/2009 08:34

Oh I do that thing of talking over dh or being distracted whilst he's telling me something and he does it to me.

He who shouts loudest gets heard.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 30/04/2009 09:11

In his family they all talk all over each other all the time. You literally have to shout to get heard sometimes. His sisters will even grab each others' faces and turn them towards them if they aren't being listened to. That's normal for them

JackBauerkillspigs · 30/04/2009 09:23

Dh is great at half listening, so he can repeat what I have said but have no clue what it was.
I say 'What did I just say? You weren't listening!'
'That you asked me yesterday for some money and have I got it....

junglist1 · 30/04/2009 10:41

I use this to get my P to agree to things, like this morning he agreed to drop the kids to school without realising. The best time to do it is when they are watching sports or on the Playstation. Shall we join forces and see which one of us can get the most amount of money out of them? I fancy a trip to River Island.

OrmIrian · 30/04/2009 10:45

He's not being rude. He's having one conversation. You are having another. He could easily say that you were being rude ignoring his comments about the bag.

DH is like this. He gets really arsey when people don't stop talking and hang on his every word In a family where there are lots of people all with something to say, you will get ignored sometimes - it's not personal, it's just normal. If it's really important say it again, but don't get annoyed.

cheesesarnie · 30/04/2009 10:48

i got cross with my dh last night for same thing.ended up argueing later on about why i wasnt talking.i said id given up trying.

PadDad · 30/04/2009 10:49

Sorry --- what were you saying?

Something about Gary Larson and River Island . . .

TsarChasm · 30/04/2009 10:49

Dh is just the same!

I think men can only do and speak about one thing at a time. Or maybe they can do more than one but they're not comfortable doing it.

Women can be having several conversations with dc and dp's and be doing a couple of other things into the bargain.

Just look at mn for example. Most of us on here are women. Most of us can be dipping in and out of quite a few convos at the same time like spinning plates. It appeals to us. I don't think men are wired up like that at all.

HadMyTwo · 30/04/2009 10:55

I must admit that in our house it is the other way round. Not that I interrupt when DH is talking, but I would ask a question and then tune out when he answers so next day I would be asking the same thing again
He gets annoyed though I do not intend it to happen, just something natural.