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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is completely shit and unfair??

39 replies

6inchnipples · 29/04/2009 13:45

My dp is travelling tonight to our home town where both sets of gps live. He is going because of work, leaving straight from work , in our car but is giving the cheif exec a lift. I am also doing the same journey tmrw with our 3 kids (4 , 2 and 7 mnths) he is staying with his parents tonight so they suggested he bring middle child with him.

He is now saying he can't as giving cheif exec a lift. Im bloody raging. He was saying, i suppose i could ask her, maybe she'd feel she couldn't say no, blah blah blah, then he texted me saying no he couldn't take middle child and will explain later. Im well pissed off. Its our car, its out of work time so whats the problem.

RANT RANT RANT but im fed up with his job coming first ALL the time!
AIBU???

OP posts:
nickschick · 29/04/2009 13:48

I see both sides tbh.

In order to maintain an element of professionalism he feels he cant take middle daughter - you are then left to travel with 3 dc alone ....its a no win situation.

Dont let it stress you look forward to seeing your parents and maybe work out a way to resolve it for next time.

Original poster
6inchnipples · 29/04/2009 13:53

He has already been away this week overnight with work, up and down, has hardly seen the kids and has treated the house like a hotel. His work supposedly pride themselves on being an organisation that have a good work /life ethos and are family friendly. He is a regional manager and works his bloody ass off, i just don't see the problem. I'm fed up, feel like a single parent.

OP posts:
nickschick · 29/04/2009 13:57

Its not very nice feeling second to his work.

I think a few days with your parents will make a big difference to how you are feeling.

Sometimes you just have to live with how things are at the moment and literally plod on like a single parent.

Nancy66 · 29/04/2009 13:57

I think you are being unreasonable. Sorry. I understand your frustration but I would imagine he's going to be talking shop with the boss - can't really do that with a squaking toddler in the back.

shavenhaven · 29/04/2009 13:58

he is being a total arse.

you are not asking him to take the 2y.o to a bloody meeting just a trip to see her grandparents. i take it the chief exec will be sitting in the front so wont even have to speak to your dd if she does not want to.

i would be so tempted to drop of all three dc with him and spend the night relaxing on my own.

MrsTittleMouse · 29/04/2009 14:01

I can completely understand how fed up you are fed up of feeling like a single parent. I wouldn't like our 2 year old to travel with DH and his boss though. I think that not being about to take your middle child isn't unreasonable, but I can understand that it feels like the final straw that broke the camel's back.

LoveMyGirls · 29/04/2009 14:04

Why can't he say sorry cheif I can't give you a lift as I have family commitments.

Original poster
6inchnipples · 29/04/2009 14:09

nickschick unfortunately i think you are over estimating how pleasant a stay with my parents actually is with 3 under 5.

nancy66 if the boss wants to talk shop she has plenty of time during the long working hours to do so. I feel a father spending time with his children is extremely important.

shavenhaven i would love to try your suggestion if only to see the look on his face.

I think the problem is i feel dp doesn't put us high up on the lost of priorities, he also finds it hard to say no. His job has a lot of pressures and i sympathise with that but i'm still bloody pissed off!

OP posts:
Original poster
6inchnipples · 29/04/2009 14:12

mtm i completely feel like even now if he said ok i'll take her, i wouldn't want dd to go as would feel i was making her an inconveniance.

lovemygirls because dp would never say no to the cheif!! Sad but true. Too 'professional'

OP posts:
mascaraohara · 29/04/2009 14:13

Sorry.. there's no way I'd take my dd if I was driving my boos somewhere on work trip. I would never bring it up as it's just unreasonable.. it might be out of office hours but it's still work.. sorry, I can see your side too

traceybath · 29/04/2009 14:15

Sorry but i think you are being unreasonable.

How long is the journey though?

I can understand you being annoyed but if i were in his position i wouldn't want a child in the back either - sorry.

FabulousBakerGirl · 29/04/2009 14:15

Why does he not want to take his daughter with them?

Is there a reason he needs to travel alone with this lady?

Original poster
6inchnipples · 29/04/2009 14:17

i can see his side too, wish i couldn't tho as i am so annoyed and frustrated

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 29/04/2009 14:18

Hummm can you have a treat when you get to your parents like book a massage or something? Or could you travel up tonight too? You could get them all in pj's, toilet trips, feed baby and then in the car by 7pm at least then they could all sleep in the car (then lifted to bed the other end, this is assuming they are good sleepers.......guessing the 7mth old won't be but if it works with the other 2?) then you could get a lie in tomorrow while your parent's look after dc's and it saves you travelling down there with lots of traffic and whinging, bored children that need feeding, drinks, toilet stops etc on your own?

Original poster
6inchnipples · 29/04/2009 14:19

journey is 4 hours.

no reason to be alone with a 50 something lesbian FBG if i'm getting your drift!

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 29/04/2009 14:21

if 4 hours I'd travel at 6pm

traceybath · 29/04/2009 14:21

its always so much more annoying when you can see the other side!

Good luck with your journey and have a nice big glass of wine when you get there.

themoon66 · 29/04/2009 14:22

My DH always points out 'work doesn't just stop at 5pm you know'!

I'd be pissed off though, knowing he wa going with an empty back seat and I had to go the same way with all three kids.

Nancy66 · 29/04/2009 14:23

Is he giving chief exec a lift back? If not palm them off for the return journey.

Original poster
6inchnipples · 29/04/2009 14:23

lovemygirls i wish my parents thought like you. They have never got up with my kids. They find them tiring and my mum still works full time. Baby breast fed and so has never been babysat for more than an hour or 2 and not by my parents as couldn't cope with the 3 at same time (their words not mine)I live in hope tho!!

OP posts:
mayorquimby · 29/04/2009 14:24

yabu, it's not like he's doing it so he can go on a jolly with his mates paintballing or getting pissed in the pub.
it's cause it's his boss and he thinks having the kid there would seem unprofessional.

FabulousBakerGirl · 29/04/2009 14:25

I just wondered if it was top secret work stuff.

Has he given you a reason to have chnaged his mind?

LoveMyGirls · 29/04/2009 14:25

Yes def let him bring them home, express some milk and have a rest for a day!

Original poster
6inchnipples · 29/04/2009 14:28

Cheif exec from our hometown so yes he can do return journey its more the being left with the 3 for another night on my own, both little ones still up during night and i find it hard to take 2yo to toilet etc during night as baby breast feeding most of night. End up with all 3 up if baby crying as house so titchy!! Think i detect some pmt... haven't had AF since birth of lo....feel like it could be on its way..tired... teary...pissed off...enjoying way too much chocolate...

OP posts:
tessofthedurbervilles · 29/04/2009 14:29

I actually feel sorry for your dp..and I am the most anti man person in the world at the mo!
He is working hard to provide for his family and is in a lose lose situation here. If it is unprofessional to have dc in the car then he has to go along with that but in the process upsets his partner and causes stress at home.
At the moment people are queuing up for jobs and he is fortunate to be with a good job which I assume provides for the family, so try not to be too hard on the man and as he said in his message 'he will explain later' so there might be more to it.

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