to freeze dh out for the rest of the evening?

[Greensleeves]

while I'm in the business of asking to be minced on MN for being an unreasonable git, I might as well get it all out of my system...

I have had a really long day at work (looking after babies all morning and then 1-2-1 with SN preschool child) so came home quite tired. I am not sleeping well at the moment and have been struggling for a couple of weeks, as dh well knows.

I had a friend round for dinner with her dd this evening, because I'm having her dd overnight while she goes out and she suggested we "do tea" as we haven't done for a while. DH and I both find this particular friend bloody hard work, she's very mercurial and needs a lot of support which I don't mind giving but when I'm tired it's not ideal, etc etc.

DH asked me last night whether it would be OK to go out for a drink with some workmates and be late this evening, to which I replied "of course, roughly how late will you be". We agreed that he woiuld stay till 7ish and drink, but then come home rather than go out for a meal with them. This evening he said "I will be home by 8" so I decided i would get the three kids ready for bed and let them stay up to say goodnight to him.

So I came home, cooked dinner, entertained friend/kids, got them ready for bed - they behaved atrociously and by 8 both of mine were sitting on the stairs in disgrace.

At ten past 8 dh rang me, I said "hello?" and he said "I know, I'm late" and I said "How late are you going to be?" and he said huffily "well if that's how you feel I'll be home in 20 minutes" to which I was obviously supposed to say "Oh no dear, you stay out" but in fact I said "Good, see you in 20 minutes then".

He is now sulking, and frankly so am I

Absolutely, not all my friends are our friends and not all his friends are our friends (or my friends). And it is important to remember that the people in your family are not at your disposal to "help out" just because you have overdone yourself!

i agree with anna and rebecca-if i had overstretched myself (and i do)i would ask dp to help me out-if he said no -as he's perfectly entitled to-then i've got to grin and bear it don't i?
i don't think what he did was that bad-it's only half an hour, i am sure it sort of suited your purpose for being arsey with him that the kids had played up too...
you are being unreasonable-take less on-and tell your mate to butt out if she's a fucking drain on your family time...

Greensleeves, is it just me that sees the issue that he promised to come home, then expected a late pass to the pub? And is sulking because you didn't take the hint?

Out of interest, if he had TOLD you he was having a boys night then, expect me at 11 kind of thing, would you have been OK with that?

Yes Porto - had he explained to me during the original discussion that he was going to be out late, I would have agreed - of course, I could hardly say "no you can't"! I don't complain (well, not to him!) when he went to Dubai for a fortnight leaving me screwed for work/childcare either, because I'm not a possessive bitch, neither am I a small child

it's the utter depressing predictable childishness of ringing me up ten minutes after he was due home and not even asking me in an adult fashion whether I would mind him being later, just stropping like a kid and then sulking.

I'm not really engaging with the criticisms about overstretching myself, or inviting my demanding friends over and expecting dh to pick up the slack, because they just aren't relevant to my situation. At all. And it matters not that BonsoirAnna can't get her head around it, because thankfully my dh can, now he's sobered up and taken his bottom lip off the floor

greensleeves-maybe you ought to re-read your op and see why people think you may have slightly overstretched yourself. it's no big deal-we all do it from time to time-i have started to cancel dates with friends now as to be honest if i didn't i'd be on the floor tired-and i haven't got the time to sit listening to the same problems from the same friends until the wee small hours with no effort on their behalf to actually address the issues.

Greensleeves

The pub after work is my BIGGEST gripe. We both work FT but I do the school run. (used to be just evenings but is now both ways). If for any reason I want/need to go somewhere after work, complex arrangements are required.

School run is inserted in DH's Outlook usually at least 1 week in advance. I just get, "Oh I have to go to Paris tommorrow/it's my boss's birthday" the night before, or "It was sunny so we went to the pub/I'm sorry but i had a telecon with the states so didn't come home til 9"

I really DON'T mind as long as I know what the arrangements are, but get pissed off that it is ASSUMED I am always around to pick up the slack. I'd love to nip off for a drink without any prior arrangement.....