AIBU to think that offering a meal to my baby is not the same as her eating it???

[sleeplessinstretford]

i look after my friends little boy at the moment and so leave the house at 7.30-dh drops our baby round on his way to work (about 8.40) and i always ask him (usually in this order..)
a/what the fuck have you dressed her in today she looks like 1970's poverty stricken ireland and b/what did she have for her breakfast.
this morning he said she'd had cheese on toast with cherry tomatoes and a cup of milk that was under her pram to be finished. so,we went off to the park about 9.30-baby winged and winged and wailed all morning,nothing was making her happy.We called to the bakers to buy a loaf for lunch and she was saying 'bread and butter-bread and butter' so i gave her a slice and the wailing stopped (momentarily) we called in at my house to collect a change of clothes and there,on the work top is a slice of cheese and toast with NOTHING taken off it..so she's had one or two cherry tomatoes for breakfast...
which would explain the wailing,if i'd known she'd eaten nothing i'd have done her something when she arrived with me, i feel really tight as i'd been a bit narky with her wailing all morning to be honest.
would you say something and if so,what?

to be honest regardless of if my ds has eaten or not if he got upset i always had snacks with me to offer

why pick at how his dressed her if you were that worried get the clothes out night before if you dont its his daughter too and can dress her how he wants

also just say i noticed she didnt eat toast can you let me know if she doesnt eat her breakfast so i can do something or just get him to bring her to you and you do breakfast when she gets there

the clothes thing is a running joke,she has beautiful clothes and he just doesn't see that certain things clash-and that if we have 2 sets of leggings and 2 sets of tops that are outfits why not try the ones from the same shop and in complementary colours/fashions... I do tend to leave outfits out.
As for me taking her with me, until Saturday last week she didn't sleep at all between the hours of around midnight to around 4am so would be in (our)bed when i left.
I don't think it's unreasonable for her daddy to give her her breakfast at home or dress her. When i am at my friends house the mornings are fraught with me giving her baby his breakfast and dealing with them going off to work and the ensuing tears from their son,it's nice to have one on one time for both of the kids to ease them into the day (mine with her daddy and my friends little boy with me)

Always lay your chosen outfit out the night before, ready for the morning. I would never rely on DH to select outfits for our DS' that I would approve of

he has delivered her here in a dressing gown before-and when i pointed out it had sleeping sheep in pyjamas on it he said 'oh,yeah,sorry'
i am just a bit annoyed that he didn't think to say,when i asked him specifically,that she'd eaten nothing-i only had a few raisins in my handbag as the park trip was longer than we'd anticipated (it's manchester in summer-we don't tend to get more than half an hour of sunshine...)

No you are not being unreasonable to expect her Daddy to dress and feed her...but I would lay out the outfit for your DH (which I do)and I would make sure she had cereal which he can help spoon in if time is short...I find my children (almost 3 and 20 months )take ages to eat breakfast...so cereal (i.e Weetabix) is great for quickly getting something nourishing into them. Then, maybe she can have a light snack later and hopefully no more whining !!

sleeplessinstretford - I know just what you mean about the clothes. It's a running joke in our house too! My DS has a wonderful assortment of very lovely clothes thanks to very kind Aunties and Grandparents (and even occasionally myself if I can get in there!) but everything does not necessarily go with everything else.

I know my DH is colourblind but even that cannot explain some of his combination choices sometimes!!

I try to not complain if it's a weekend and I'm getting a lie-in while DH gets up and dresses him as i appreciate the sleep but if we're going out, I will either make sure I dress DS or get an outfit out for DH to put on him.

As for the food. I would add a third question every morning and ask how much she ate. Maybe try slipping into conversation in the evening that you had a hard time getting her to eat this or that so that he doesn't feel like he's failed somehow if he doesn't get her to eat. Maybe he tells you she's eaten something cause he thinks you'd be mad if he couldn't get anything down her???

And then maybe keep some snacks on you. Some fruit or some little biscuits. I know DS can't go a whole morning till lunchtime without a bit of something no matter how much breakfast he ate...

I find that Organix cereal bars are a handy snack to keep in my bag for hunger emergencies.

tbh some days dd1 could have eaten everything you've said and still have been screaming with hunger by 10. sometimes not. that's why it's up to you to keep the snacks coming...

I will never forget the morning DH dressed Ds1 in red and orange vertical sripted dungarees and a green and blue horizontal striped t-shirt with a yellow fleece
it's a man thing I think when it comes to clothes they grab the first thing in teh cupboard,a dn don't bother looking to see if it matches.

i think that sounds like a great outfit, saltire, but then i hate matchy-matchy so avoid it like the plague. kids can get away with anything imo.

You can always tell whether its been me or dp who has dressed ds in the morning, honestly must be a man thing!

As for the breakfast thing, just follow it up with 'and how much did she actually eat'.
Sometimes its hard to get a child to eat in a short time period, my ds is never hungry when he first wakes up, nightmare trying to get him to eat something before going out the door for nursery in the morning.

i'm a childminder and most of the children come having already had breakfast but i do top up about 8.30am with a weetabix (goodness knows what time they got up and where fed) and toast at 10ish

i can always tell if db dresses my charges instead of mb, just as so can my friends - he has no colour co ordination (do any men?)

but least your dh is trying to be helpful - agree lay out clothes yourself if you dont like his choice

and omg your poor dd - she was obv hungary -so yes i would mention it to dh and see what he says about the lack of breakie - and dare i say cheese on toast sounds a weird breakie, rather than cereal, fruit or marmite toast?

seems more of a lunch thing to me - but thats only my opinion

I never ever leave the choice of clothes to my DH, he would definately pick items which clashed, really badly.

When I've been away over night I've hung completes outfits up on one hanger so he has no choice to make.

My boys nursery manager always says you can tell when a childs daddy has got them dressed

I lay out clothes the night before regardless of who is getting them up and out, it just saves time.

And we just have cereal for breakfast every day its just easier for them to help themselves.

(I heard on a friday that I was having ds2 by elective section on the monday and would be in for 5 days... I spent the weekend laying out 5 outfits for ds1 cos he was my pfb then and I just couldn't have him paraded around in dps idea of a cute outfit!!)

Sorry just read your op again - you mean you expect your dd to go from 8.30 to lunchtime on what she had for breakfast? Mine could never last that long, they have breakfast at 8, toast at nursery at 9, snack at 10.30, lunch at 12....)

I once bumped into DH on high street with ds who was wearing a bizarre hawaiian shirt that I vaguely remembered someone giving him but he had never worn, a tiny pair or shorts he'd grown out of and a plastic daisy chain (interlocking baby toy thing) around his neck. I was too shocked to recognise him for a moment, DH said he was dressed as an american tourist and thought it hilarious . His face was covered in food too, but DH didn't see it was an issue

Just as we were going out the other day it started to rain so I said to DH: grab DS's coat would you? DH came back to the door with a coat for age 12-18 months which I had unearthed and washed ready to sell on ebay. DS is 5.5 years!

Got home this evening and my 4yr old had been dressed by DH in my 18mth old's trousers...... (!)

But, I don't actually care that much. Are there not more important things in the world then whether the outfit is all from the same shop, or the leggings and t-shirt combo go?

YANBU to expect your child to be fed though if stated that they were.

However - cheese on toast for breakfast? There are many people in the world who would not find that remotely appetising.

MintyyAeroEgg - my husband always gets clothes from the basket I keep under the wardrobe for clothes that are now too small! Despite me telling him exactly what this basket is for!

OP - I have to lay out the clothes for my DS the night before as my DH would choose the most dire combination you can imagine.

Sometimes I come home from work and DS is still in his pyjamas! When I question this I am told they are clean so it's fine.

Men!

she won't eat anything off a spoon and is too little to feed herself properly. i have consulted a nutritionist about her and she said that it's ok to give her anything on toast/omelette/bacon&egg/croissants-anything really.
the choice of the breakfast isn't the issue really-she has a cup of milk with it,and i give lunch at 11.30 so really it's just 3 hours although granted,i am normally better prepared on the old snack front-we were delayed in the park as the sun shone longer so maybe i am projecting here...(a tiny bit) he feels gutted though as she's been begging for food since we got home this evening...
i may need to rename myself actually as we are on 4 days of unbroken sleep straight now-first time since i was pregnant and the baby is 19months old...

is she really too little to feed herself properly at 19 mos? dd was very proficient using her hands at that age, her pincer grip was down pat and she could (when she felt like it) use a fork.

Sorry I do have to lol.

A child doesn't care how it is dressed, so long as the clothes are weather appropriate I would say nothing! ( I would have with dd1 btw, have mellowed with dd2 )
I have also been known to forget to give dd2 breakfast on one occasion and was also subjected to the wailing and wondering why on the school run She ate a huge snack at 10ish and is still alive to tell the tail.

Unless it happens daily (forgetting breakfast) say nothing.
BTW my 13mth old can eat meals without help, so surely if a 19mth old was offered the food and was hungry they would eat it