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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not really want anyone staying at our house just before we get married?

29 replies

bohemianbint · 27/04/2009 13:05

I'm trying to work out if I'm being an antisocial old bag. A friend has offered to come and stay in the few days before to help out with wedding/kids. DH also just phoned to ask if his friend and his wife could stay over on the Thursday night as well so they could have a catch up.

Here's the thing. I have a 2.8 year old DS1 and DS2 who is 8m. DS1 is having nightmares at the moment, DS2 is teething and has me up feeding all night. I'm starting to get a bit nervous about the wedding and I don't really want the added pressure of having to cook, entertain, be all hostessy and generally worry about other people. Even though my friend at least has offered to help I sometimes find it quite draining having guests (not all guests, but some, and I quite like to be able to withdraw occasionally and recharge my batteries without having to justify myself.)

We also don't live in the biggest house in the world and with extra guests (who don't have kids) there are more people up and down the stairs, in and out of the bathroom at night and just general disruption- and it's hard enough to get the kids to sleep without that.

So AIBU? I know DH is disappointed and I feel a bit tight but I feel like there's so much going on I really can't be doing with the extra aggro.

What's the verdict?

OP posts:

oranges · 27/04/2009 13:08

hhmm, i totally understand what you are saying, but it could be great funm, if you make it clear that you are NOT cooking - its either takeaways or people helping out. My little flat was packed before my wedding and while it was chaotic, it was also great fun and helped build up a sense of occassion about the wedding itself. My happiest memories were of sitting around with everyone writing out place names the night before.

Sassybeast · 27/04/2009 13:09

YANBU. Give them the details of a local B&B.

Flibbertyjibbet · 27/04/2009 13:12

Have your friend stay over as she is offering to help.
Tell dh that your friend is already staying so it will be too much to have another couple there just for his social purposes. Find them a nice hotel and go and have dinner with them on the thursday to catch up. Or are you getting married on the Friday? In which case they can stay at the hotel and he can catch up with them at the reception.

If you've only got one bathroom and everyone will be trying to get ready for the wedding, I can't imagine anything worse than queuing for the bathroom on your own wedding day!

lovelybones · 27/04/2009 13:12

YANBU I would feel exactly the same. If they are good enough friends they won't mind staying in a B&B.

2rebecca · 27/04/2009 13:12

I think there's a difference between someone staying to help and someone staying to catch up. I'd tell fiance you'd hoped he'd be helping and that the night before isn't a great time to entertain friends as you'll be busy. Perhaps his friends could stay in B&B and come round and help. Why is it important they stay at your house at this busy time?

Niecie · 27/04/2009 13:14

No not unreasonable at all.

You need the time to yourself and time to get organised. Your focus should be your children and your wedding not guests.

You have the wedding reception to catch up with each other or arrange for them to come and stay another time if they seem to be disappointed.

Mind you, I am a bit of an antisocial old bay myself so what do I know!

LoveMyGirls · 27/04/2009 13:17

YANBU

I would let your friend stay as she sounds like she understands it will be to help not hinder but his friends sound like they want to come to socialise which I would doubt you will have the time for tbh tell them you will see them at the reception or if you can go for a meal on the thursday as suggested.

Pannacotta · 27/04/2009 13:17

I would feel excactly the same, esp as your DCs are very young and needing lots of attention/TLC.
Find them all a nice local B&B and do take up any offers of help.

ThePhantomPooer · 27/04/2009 13:19

YANBU. I was exactly the same, but we ended up with 20 sailors sleeping on the floors all over our house the night before the wedding and 2 nights afterwards. I was so angry that the DH had invited them all i nearly called off the wedding. BUT it was great, we had a fab time, they looked after the kids, cooked, decorated the house in wedding stuff for when we came home from the reception.

You could get a take away or make them cook, tell them you'll be busy and will need help. Having people around you will ease the nerves. If you really don't want them though put your foot down, it's your day.

Flibbertyjibbet · 27/04/2009 13:20

Is it the night before the wedding? Why not come over all traditional and pack your dp off to the hotel with them.

oranges · 27/04/2009 13:29

That's an excellent idea from Flibbertigibet, Have your friend stay over and pack every one else off the night before!

Flibbertyjibbet · 27/04/2009 13:32

Can ds1 stay somewhere as well? Not with his dad obv as they'll be drinking, but with a grandparent or auntie?
I would do that for a good friend or my sister if she was getting married (but her sons are 19 and 21 now so they'd be in the bar with their dad )

20 sailors? I'd have been off to the most expensive hotel in town sharpish and given dp the bill.

SalopianGirl · 27/04/2009 13:54

I'd be off to the nearest hotel WITH 20 sailors!

ThePhantomPooer · 27/04/2009 13:59

He offered to pack me off to a hotel with the maid of honour. You don't leave 20 sailors alone in a house .

FrankMustard · 27/04/2009 14:00

YANBU at all - that sounds like a recipe for getting you frazzled before the big day and you need to be a glowing, radiant vision of beauty. Sassybeast got it right - give them the details of the local B7B!

HecatesTwopenceworth · 27/04/2009 14:01

It's whatever you are happy with.

Me, I had guests the night before my wedding - on the morning of my wedding I started the day by cooking a full english for 6 people!!! AND THEN someone else ended up crashing on our wedding night!!

My sister, I think, also had people flaked out in her flat on her wedding night. I may be wrong on that, but I think so.

Original poster

bohemianbint · 27/04/2009 14:25

If we didn't have kids, it would be fine, we could have a nice meal, a few drinks and it would be lovely. But the last few nights I've barely seen DP, once the kids are down, (and up and down, and up) it's nearly 8pm by the time we get chance to eat and after that I'd so frazzled from a day of talking gibberish to children I don't want to speak to anyone! I just want to have a bath, read and go to bed. Early.

Practically speaking I think all the wedding stuff is in hand, it'll just be last minute stuff like making phone calls, me getting myself sorted etc, which no one can help with really, and again with the kids, they only really want us at night so no one can help with that.

I think it'll be B&Bs all round. Everyone wants to stay on the Thursday night - we get married on the Saturday, so we'll then have to be up and about on Friday, and it will be so much easier if it's just us to worry about!(I might sound slightly more grumpy as I went to bed at midnight last night and was up with a teething baby from 3.30 - 6am, the thought of guests on top of that does me no good!)

OP posts:

Original poster

bohemianbint · 27/04/2009 14:31

Thanks for all the feedback though, good to know I'm not being a total witch!

OP posts:

HecatesTwopenceworth · 27/04/2009 14:35

course you're not.

Original poster

bohemianbint · 27/04/2009 14:38

OP posts:

FrankMustard · 27/04/2009 14:40

I agree that pre-kids, the decision is different. I had best man and his girlfriend staying a couple of days before our wedding but that was before I had children and if it was happening now, there's no way I'd want it - not worth the hassle!
Enjoy the run up to the big day!

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/04/2009 15:01

get them to come down snd stay in a local B&B/travel lodge thursday night and then on friday night your dh to be can stay with them as well

and you can get ready in peace, while your friend looks after your dc

InmyheadIminParis · 27/04/2009 15:13

YANBU I had MIL and SIL stayiing with us before our wedding - it added to the stress of what, let's face it, is an already stressful time. Fun, but stressful. In the end it was okay, but added cleaning the whole house (to MIL standard )and more food shopping and cooking to my already chocka to-do list before the big day. Save yourself the hassle and send them to a hotel. Believe it or not, they will understand.

LetThemEatCake · 27/04/2009 15:17

YANBU

i had people (in laws to be precise) staying with us before and after our wedding. It was really hard work. Sure, their intentions were good and they helped out with meals etc but it was just too much when I just needed some downtime.

And this was before we had kids!! Now, my god, I would go nuts!

Basically it just added unnecessary stress to what was already a little bit of a jittery time (case in point - dh and I had huge row bc of MiL 2 nights before the nuptials!!) and yes, I agree, guests, no matter how much you love them, can be hard work.

Enjoy your wedding!!!

Original poster

bohemianbint · 27/04/2009 19:50

blimey - someone else has just invited themselves to stay too! Have told them there's no room at the inn.

OP posts:

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