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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish that i was just even a tiny bit important to someone especially at this time?

27 replies

deanychip · 26/04/2009 16:24

Ok so i am feeling very very sorry for myself.
I had a medically managed miscarriage which was the most painful thing i have ever experienced. Had morphine, gas and air, tramadol, coprox everything they could throw down my neck...and it still hurt.
I am DEFO not normally a wuss, but this was BAAD, really bad.

Dh has gone to football overnight. (he has just spent 2 whole weeks fitting our new kitchen (8am-11pm every day of his holiday so i couldnt bring myself to ask him not to go,, although he did offer to stay home)

came home from hospital yesterday morning, babysat for a pal last night as i promised her i would in Feb, painkillers ran out, she didnt get home till gone 1am as she got stuck in traffic, was bleeding tons, and doubled in pain.Had to be up this morning to take my ds to swimming.

MIL rang "you ok?" told her i am sore, no offer to take ds for a couple of hours so i can lie down, and take my painkillers (which cant take when i have ds cos they knock me out, make me dizzy but they stop the pain)

Friend offered to take ds with her and her 2 kids for a run in the fields at 9.30 this morning, didnt turn up for him till 4pm, he has been waiting all day at the front of the house for her.....poor little bugger.

No one else has been near, no one.

MIL, fair enough, they never help out anyway, but things like this just make me feel even more let down by the pil.

sob sob SOB

tell me to shut the fuck up, i am actually getting on my own nerves with all of this crap.

OP posts:
Claire2009 · 26/04/2009 16:27

Oh you poor thing
Big hugs to you

sarah293 · 26/04/2009 16:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ilovetochat · 26/04/2009 16:29

yanbu, you poor thing .
can you ask a friend or ils to help even though they havent offered? tbh i think your dh should be with you. sorry.

chickydee · 26/04/2009 16:30

I'm suprised you oh went tbh, does he realise how bad things are for you?
I can only imagine the pain and discomfort, and when you have kids,on your own it is HELL, I know!
Perhaps when ds goes to bed you can have a nice warm bath, take your pain killers and go to bed.
have a big hug, I understand how you feel,
x

AlistairSim · 26/04/2009 16:31

Oh you poor lamb!

What a pile of rancid shit for you.

Hope your DH will be home soon to take care of you.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 26/04/2009 16:31

I wouldn't think anyone would dream of telling you to shut up. It sounds like you are having a terrible time of it.

ruty · 26/04/2009 16:32

how awful for you. Hw annoying of your friend to turn up so late, your poor ds. You must get a bit of help from dh, even if he has been fitting a kitchen. Will he be home at a good time tonight? Think you really need some practical support. Ask your MIL too, don't wait for her to ask!

Rindercella · 26/04/2009 16:32

The one thing I wouldn't say to you is shut the fuck up! You have my deepest sympathies for all the emotional & physical pain you are feeling right now. There is no way you should have to be dealing with this by yourself, let alone with sole care of your small son.

When does your DH get back? Is there anyone else who could come round & just give you a hug? If you need him, call your DH and ask him to come back. Say you're sorry, but you really need him just now & you can't do this by yourself.

Very for you.

Original poster
deanychip · 26/04/2009 16:33

REALLY dont like to put on anyone, you know what its like.

I am a poor thing arent i
sniff, sob.

Why do people not think to offer to do something? I do, all of the time, it would be the first thing i would offer, to take the child off their hands for a day or an afternoon.

unreasonable.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 26/04/2009 16:33

You poor thing- it will pass eventually, but what a shit time you're having!

You need to see yourself as important though and ask for specific help at times like this, and take up offers like your husband's to stay home when they are made...and "needing" to take the dcs swimming? Don't be daft. Your friend was a real let down, but did you call and say where the fuck are you?

All I'm saying is that if you don't make yourself a priority when you need to be, don't be too surprised when other people follow your example!

I hope you feel better soon pet

MoominMymbleandMy · 26/04/2009 16:36

Oh, I am so sorry. I really wouldn't be so selfless. You are entitled to some tlc.

If they don't offer, ask/demand it.

Original poster
deanychip · 26/04/2009 16:36

My lovely dh will be back at 8ish tonight. I am going to get ds to bed, have a bath, take my drugs then get to bed for a very early night.

Got hot water bottle, but it hurts so much, the pain i mean.

didnt come off the gas and air till 3am and couldnt sleep, so to have to stay up til 2ish the following night hasnt helped.

OP posts:
Rindercella · 26/04/2009 16:56

Deany

Please get some help. If you must, pick up the phone & ask your MIL to come & help with her GS for a couple of hours until your DH gets home.

There are times when we can do it all, when we don't need any help. And then there are times where we patently do. This is one of them.

Original poster
deanychip · 26/04/2009 17:11

I have a feeling that my pal will bring ds back at bed time, bathed with her ds's PJs on. She is good like that!

I have asked her if she wouldn't mind picking my boy up from school for me tomorrow as i have got an appointment with the consultant at 3.30, and then my sons parents evening at 5pm. She has said she would no problem, so at least after tomorow i wont have to rely on any one at all.
I am hoping that this pain will have settled by then. I can function much better when not in pain.

OP posts:
chegirl · 26/04/2009 17:35

YANBU.

I am so sorry you have had such a rotten, horrible time.

Not much else I can add really. Just hope you feel better soon and someone makes you feel special.

POOR YOU!

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 26/04/2009 18:09

What a pile or shit. You poor thing. I can't believe that people haven't been rallying round for you at such a horrendous time, physically and emotionally.

Hope you start to feel better soon, and that people get their arses in gear and help you out xx

Original poster
deanychip · 26/04/2009 18:12

tbh, its a bit boring to them all now, this was my 4th miscarriage.
Either its boring to them, or they dont know what to say..or they are just very wrapped up in theor own lives. (fair enough)

I dont harp on about it, i am a get back on the horse asap type person.
Just gutted that no one seems to be arsed.

OP posts:
boredwithmyoldname · 26/04/2009 18:22

I am sorry for your loss xx

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 26/04/2009 18:25

1st or 4th, it's still shitty. I would HATE to think of a friend or relative going through this feeling so crap and let down.

Original poster
deanychip · 26/04/2009 18:32

so i am not bieng unreasonable am i, just wanting a bit of help and consideration and a bit of kindness just for a day or two from those nearby.

my mum, and two sisters live 5 minutes up the road from me.
pil live 20 mins up the road, ds is their only gc.
dad lives round the corner.

friends live nearby.

no one, not a single text, phone call and think they all know ive been in hospital for a couple of days.

They all owe me chocolate BIG TIME.

OP posts:
MoominMymbleandMy · 26/04/2009 18:44

You aren't being the least bit unreasonable. They are.

Could it be that they are feeling rather awkward about your miscarriage and are avoiding you because they don't know what to say?

Not that that is an excuse.

NancysGarden · 26/04/2009 19:07

As others have said of course you are not being unreasonable. I sometimes think some friends just don't know what to say at difficult times. I have recently had a close family bereavement and most of my friends (and even DP at times!) seem to have forgotten a bit too quickly. Not making excuses for them, just think it's worth bearing in mind.

Grendle · 26/04/2009 19:21

YANBU. You are having a hellish time and you need help. Sadly no-one is coming forward, so you need to gird your loins and ask for help, from whoever you think might give it. Be straight with them, tell them how bad it is.

Is your dh/dp at work tomorrow? If not, the first thing to do is not to get out of bed in the morning and certainly not to get dressed. A dressed Mummy is a functioning Mummy, a Mummy in PJs obviously needs help and can't be expected to cook meals etc. Actually, if your ds is pre-school I wouldn't get dressed even if you have him at home to look after. Then anyone who turns up to help will get the measure of the seriousness of how you feel. If he is at school is there anyone you can ask to take him tomorrow.

I don't care if this is MN, you need a (((hug))).

oranges · 26/04/2009 19:26

Look, thepoint is if you are babysitting and taking ds swimming, people think you are coping, which is why they are not offering to help. In this case you really, really need to ask.

ruty · 26/04/2009 21:32

blimey. You really need to make it clear to your family you need some support.