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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset by friend's text about dinner?

47 replies

curlygal · 25/04/2009 18:41

I've invited two friends round for dinner this evening. In the invite I said we'd aim to eat at 8ish.

Just got a text from my friend saying that she would need to leave by 9. She said she was tired and that her DP was going out when she got back.

AIBU to feel upset? Background: I am a single parent and my evenings are pretty lonely and boring so was really looking forward to having some company, have mentioned specifically to this friend that I am feeling down and lonely at the moment.

I invited them round thinking they would come round 7ish, we'd eat 8ish, then chat etc and that they'd be here for a couple of hours at least, now I feel underpressure to serve up dinner as fast as possible so she can get home.

Am feeling at bit tearful about it which I know is an over reaction, but just feel as if the evening I;ve planned and spent ages preparing food for is crap and not worth spending time with me

OP posts:

moondog · 25/04/2009 18:42

No, it's really mean and thoguhtless of her.
Will the other friend stay?

gemmummy · 25/04/2009 18:42

yanbu. I'll come round for dinner if you like? I promise I'll stay and chat!

aGalChangedHerName · 25/04/2009 18:42

Is the other friend staying longer?

If it was me i would make the meal late so she can't eat. How rude!!!

Uriel · 25/04/2009 18:43

Isn't she coming round at 7, then?

MrsMagooo · 25/04/2009 18:44

YANBU, I'd feel upset by that too.

When I go round my friends for dinner I always plan to be there for a good few hours as we end up chatting so much we don't usually eat til 9!

Ledodgy · 25/04/2009 18:44

That's crap I always assume a dinner invitation means a full evening. She's rude.

MuffinBaker · 25/04/2009 18:45

I'd be tempted to text her and say you would rather she didn't come if she was going to rush off.

Or ask her if she

pavlovthepregnantcat · 25/04/2009 18:45

Is this normal for her? Or would she usually stay later than 9pm? Maybe they have argued about something?

Its a bit crap, Could you text her or even call her back and tell her its going to be tight for eating?

You do have another guest coming so perhaps you can concentrate on that guest, in terms of the food, and if the other one has to leave early, she will just have to miss out on the rest of the meal if you are not finished.

MuffinBaker · 25/04/2009 18:45

would prefer to postpone

SoupDragon · 25/04/2009 18:45

Does she have children?

Nancy66 · 25/04/2009 18:46

That is really rude - I would also be inclined to say 'in that case let's not bother, hardly seems worth it.'

Uriel · 25/04/2009 18:49

I think she might have a problem at home, doesn't want to let you down so is coming anyway, but doesn't feel like spending a whole evening being positive.

That said, if she is coming at 7, she'll still be there for a couple of hours.

Original poster

curlygal · 25/04/2009 18:50

Glad is not just me, feel v tearful and am going to struggle to be all breezy and happy when they get here!

The other friend is picking her up at 7 so they should get here by 7.30ish. So I have about an hour to feed them! am furiously cooking now so that dinner will be ready early enough for sharp exit before 9pm

The has a toddler (so do I) and is pregnant.

The evening has been arranged for ages - like over a month or so.

I just felt esp crap and she said she had to be home so her DP could go out. Made me feel as if she felt she had to come to mine - like it was a chore!
had been so looking forward to the evening too as rarely get company and now feel crap
Am a bit PMTish as well which doesn;t help, but was really upset when I got the message.

OP posts:

FAQinglovely · 25/04/2009 18:51

agree with Uriel's last post.

humptyNdumpy · 25/04/2009 18:51

YANBU

Sorry your night has been spoiled esp. after all the effort you've put it

I would still have her round but make it clear you not happy about her rushing off and its not fair really

I hope you still have a nice evening

Uriel · 25/04/2009 18:52

That's not so good.

Could she get a taxi home so you and the other friend could chat for longer?

Original poster

curlygal · 25/04/2009 18:52

I did intially feel like saying "well don't bother then" indeed.

but she is a v good friend (though am not feeling it at the moment!)

OP posts:

pavlovthepregnantcat · 25/04/2009 18:52

are they both going to leave by 9pm? In that case I would call and tell them it is not worth them coming and sod off it would be better to re-arrange. The whole point of a dinner party is to unwind and relax with your guests, not to rush around so they can eat quickly and run, you are not a take-away!

I would definitely tell them you are not happy about it.

FAQinglovely · 25/04/2009 18:53

I'd say that she feels she has to come to yours - not because it's a chore - but because she doesn't want to totally let you down.

pavlovthepregnantcat · 25/04/2009 18:54

If she is that good a friend, and having trouble at home, would she not be more honest about it? (i guess all friendships are different, people are different).

Nancy66 · 25/04/2009 18:58

you're a better person than I am - I would simply have to send some sarky message back telling them not to bother.

Original poster

curlygal · 25/04/2009 18:58

Thanks everyone you have all made me feel a lot better need to get some perspective I think!

Have just had a crap week with DS and am having a stressful time in general with Ex p, work, money worries etc and so there was a lot riding on having a couple of glasses of wine and some nice food with friends on a saturday night.

Think that is perhaps harder for non single parents (such as my friend) to realise just how much of a big deal it is for me to have people round for dinner (although I have definitely mentioned this to her before. When you have company every evening and can go out in the evening when you want must be hard to understand what it's like to spend almost everynight alone with a dvd and some mending for company

Oh well, I'll just put a smile on and be a charming hostess.

Feel much better having had a chat on here about it all so thanks a lot

OP posts:

pavlovthepregnantcat · 25/04/2009 18:59

invite me round next time. I will stay much longer if you are cooking!

Original poster

curlygal · 25/04/2009 19:01

Will try and concentrate on the "she doesn;t waant to let you down" view as that is much better!

She would normally tell me if she was having problems at home but perhaps as I have been having such as mare lately she isn;t? Or perhaps it will be discussed at dinner?

Right am off to get things going.

Am making bruschetta and spagetti with pesto and spinach. I'd like to come to dinner at mine and would definitely hang around

oh well have just received two grays anatomy discs from lovefilm so if they both head of at 9 I can knock myself out watching them!

OP posts:

FAQinglovely · 25/04/2009 19:01

curly - you know I could imagine seeing a thread on MN going something along the lines of

"supposed to be going to a friends house for dinner tonight, I'm knackered, just had a huge row with my DP and really don't feel up to spending the whole evening there. It's been planned for ages and there's only 2 of us going and she'll be really disappointed if I cancel now"

and lots of response saying

"why not go for just a couple of hours?"

"calling it off now would be really unfair on your friend"

"better to go just for a little while than to let her down totally"

Hope you have fun

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