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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really hacked off with not-so-very d h

51 replies

edam · 25/04/2009 18:17

Just got home from shopping to find note from dh 'not coming out tonight, make my apologies, do not wake if asleep'.

So I've had to ring up our friends and say dh isn't coming to dinner tonight (it was just the four of us). How bloody rude? They've already done all the preps and are cooking gorgeous food.

I am really embarrassed and flaming angry. Because he's not actually ill or anything, he's just sulking because we had a row this morning - at 10am!

He was asleep when I left the house at 2pm and is still asleep now. Lazy, ill-mannered fucker. I am ashamed of him.

(ds is staying over with a friend btw, I didn't abandon him with sleeping dh.)

Row was because dh promised faithfully he would take ds to his music lesson this morning as a friend had invited me to something she was running. But when I tried to rouse dh at 9 he refused to get up, and only surfaced at 10. The lesson's at 11, I can't drive yet so if I take ds we have to walk. I was a bit pissed off and dh acted all innocent 'why are you in a mood?' So I told him, and he got the hump and started attacking me.

OP posts:
Original poster
edam · 25/04/2009 18:18

(verbally, I mean, acting like I was in the wrong.)

OP posts:
Metella · 25/04/2009 18:19

You go out and have a lovely time and let him rot in bed! He's the one missing out, after all.

LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 25/04/2009 18:19

any chance you could go to dinner with them, get pissed and get a taxi home.

He is an arse

moondog · 25/04/2009 18:19

What a twat.
Friends cooking dinner for you and he is letting them down?
Will you go? Will you tell them the score?

(Morning episode also outrageous)

TheProvincialLady · 25/04/2009 18:19

I would wake the sulky, lazy little fecker. Probably with a glass of tap water to the genitals.

Nancy66 · 25/04/2009 18:20

Tosser - wake him up anyway.

YanknCock · 25/04/2009 18:20

YANBU. He's being a 'lazy, ill-mannered fucker' just as you say. How childish. Why the hell is he asleep again?

mrsmaidamess · 25/04/2009 18:22

I would still go out and tell my friends exactly why he wasn't there. Or I would drag his arse out of bed and make him accompany me.

MrsMattie · 25/04/2009 18:24

Why is he sleeping the day away? YANBU!

Original poster
edam · 25/04/2009 18:24

I am going - and don't want to wake him up as I can't exactly take him along and pretend he's made a miraculous recovery. Can't be arsed having a row, either, I want to enjoy myself. But feel really pissed off on behalf of my friends. Especially as they've cooked lovely food for dh and I'm a vegetarian so can't share it (they are lovely and have done something for me but it is Not The Same).

In his (slight) defence dh does suffer from depression but that is not really much excuse for being horrible to our friends, let alone letting me down this morning and having a go at me when he woke up and I was cross. Especially as dh has actually been a lot better for months now - think he uses 'Oh, I'm depressed as a get out of jail card - as if I'm never allowed to criticise him.

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 25/04/2009 18:27

You should still wake him up before you go out - just to annoy him.

Original poster
edam · 25/04/2009 18:28

btw, I was prepared to make up this morning when I got back from music, spoke nicely to dh, but he had the sulks and said 'I don't really want to talk right now'.

Idiot.

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 25/04/2009 18:30

cor blimey edam, what a pita

I would feel livid too.

Don't wake him up. Go and have a good time.

Will he feel bad tomorrow about it do you think?

foxinsocks · 25/04/2009 18:31

(I mean if you wake him up, it will just mean a row and you might as well not wind yourself up any more than is necessary)

think using depression as a get out of jail card is appalling - do you think he's got used to being treated with kid gloves (because of the depression) and now wants it to continue?

Merrylegs · 25/04/2009 18:32

Ah. Thought there had to be something underlying this.

Sleeping in till 10 this morning and then going back to bed at 2 is not Normal Behaviour. It's not actually even selfish twattish behaviour. It sounds like it is actually proper depression. He could have been fine for a while and is having another 'dip' now.

Is he having treatment? Because if not, and if you don't address it, it will continue to be an issue.

YANBU but if he is properly clinically depressed, ironically neither is he.

(That doesn't mean you can't go out and have a lovely evening though. Sounds like he wouldn't be much company anyway)

Original poster
edam · 25/04/2009 18:34

doubt it, he'll be all 'woe is me, you were horrid to me'.

Thing is, ds has been out since mid-day and is staying overnight. This is the first day since I don't know when that we've had to ourselves.

Actually, IF you had invited a couple round for dinner, and she phoned at 6pm to say 'I'm terribly sorry, dh is ill, I've only just got back from shopping and seen his note' would you prefer the woman to come on her own, given you've done all the food preparation, or rather it was cancelled?

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 25/04/2009 18:35

well if they are friends of yours edam, I'd definitely go. I am sometimes relieved when I get my friends on their own

Original poster
edam · 25/04/2009 18:35

Yes, he's having treatment, and he's been much better since he's been on whatever dose of whatever tablets he's on now.

Doubt the 'sleeping' is entirely depression, think it's the sulks/avoiding me. We'd planned to paint ds's bedroom today.

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MrsMagooo · 25/04/2009 18:36

YANBU what an idiot!!

Fancying leaving you a note - maybe he thought you'd stay at home too!

Make sure you come home drunk, bang & crash about making enough noise to wake him then flop into bed & snore very loudly

hotbot · 25/04/2009 18:36

go on your own and have a ball!!1 can you take a friend that they also like?

Original poster
edam · 25/04/2009 18:37

They are friends of both of us - another mum/dad we know through nursery and school. Lovely people but it's definitely a couple thing when we see both of them.

Damn it, I'm going to wear my new clothes and go out and enjoy myself.

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 25/04/2009 18:37

yes definitely go and have a lovely time. Why shouldn't you?

So sorry the weekend you planned had been ruined.

foxinsocks · 25/04/2009 18:37

has been (darn tenses)

Original poster
edam · 25/04/2009 18:39

but if you were the friends in question, would you rather just have me, or prefer it was rearranged?

OP posts:
Original poster
edam · 25/04/2009 18:39

(must go and start getting ready)

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