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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to spend £340 for 2 nights in a hotel for SILs wedding ?

35 replies

Saltire · 25/04/2009 14:08

SIl is getting married in June next year. Step MIL (her mother) has been calling me saying that the whole wedding is taking place in a hotel. She then said that if we book in for 2 nights hten A) it would mean we wouldn't have to travel
B) They get a free wedding breakfast for the bridal party and parents(so not us then) if x amount of guests book 2 nights
C) She can book me a hair appointment with the hotel hairdresser who is doing a "special" deal for female wedding guest of £45 for a wedding hair do

Now,I've worked this out. We currently live 8 hours drive fromthem.
So to get there would involve a lot of petrol. I've looked on the hotel website, and it wouldn't actually let me book rooms for the wedding date, said there was none availiable, but an approxiamte cost for the 4 of us for 2 nights B&B would cost £340.(allowing the £20 per room discount for having the wedding there).
Then we have DH's kilt hire. Outfits for the Dses, and myself plus a present.and she wants mt to go to the hairdresser as well!
I reckon it would cost at least £500.

So MIL (not the brides mum, DH's mum) has said we could stay at their's and they would drop us off and pick us up - 35 miles away.
Or we could book into a cheaper B&B/Hotel and get a taxi. Step MIL, when I informed her of this, said "oh but it's SILs wedding and she wants it perfect and xand Y (SMILs sister and her DH) are staying there, and A,B and the DCs (SMILs neice, and her Dh and children, her daughters are bridesmaids) are staying there.

I feel very pressured, pus DH - who is away aATM was moaning at me for saying to SMIL and said I should have jsut kept quiet just now. But she was hassling me for an answer.

OP posts:
edam · 25/04/2009 14:10

Wow, that's extremely cheeky. Of course you shouldn't feel obliged to stay!

smurfgirl · 25/04/2009 14:11

I would stay in the cheaper venue, £340 is a lot! We had our wedding in an expensive hotel but gave out lots of info about other cheaper hotels as well. Could you stay there the night of the wedding and stay elsewhere the night before, not terribly practical though.

Also at £45 wedding guest hair, mine actual wedding hair only cost £30!

llareggub · 25/04/2009 14:12

Well, tell her she can have her perfect wedding if she wants to pay for you all to stay there. What a cheek!

Tommy · 25/04/2009 14:13

you are going to the wedding - they shouldn't expect you to sty over at the hotel.I think getting a lift there sounds like a good idea.

Bridezilla wants it "perfect" - then she can pay for it IMO

alicet · 25/04/2009 14:13

I would just say that it's a lot of money and you can't make that sort of decision without discussing it with dh. And since he is away it will have to wait until he gets back.

I think it is out of order to expect anyone to spend that amoutn of money. And as for the bloody hairdo I would be saying no to that straightaway.

I would ask dh what he thinks. Maybe even ask SIL (or get DH to). If it was a close relatives wedding and this was important to them I would do it if at all possible (we would really bloody struggle at the mo though)

I remember one of my friends telling me just after I got engaged that weddings turn people into psychos and that you will lose at least one friend as a result. Thankfully I didn't but from other peoples experiences i think she is probably right!

MuffinBaker · 25/04/2009 14:14

it seems she has enough people already for her to get her free toast.

alicet · 25/04/2009 14:15

SIL might not actually be that bothered. It might all be step mil's agenda because she wants to make the bill for her cheaper. So do check with SIL before saying yes or no to anything!

If she wasn't bothered it would be a complete no brainer to say no

Original poster
Saltire · 25/04/2009 14:15

I know, I thought it was cheeky. of course, Step MILs mum died and left SMIL and SIL a fiar bit of money and it's obvious that this paying the cost of the wedding, and SMILs brother is very well off as well, and FIl is always trying to keep up with him.
We just can't afford it, I think even one night and MIL, (not SMIL) was at an evenign reception there and she said the drink was very expensive, she said it was £6.99 for the cheapest glass of house wine. I don't want to say where it is,in case and of SMILs family are on here, but it;'s part of this lot

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 25/04/2009 14:17

Go and stay with your MIL and get dropped off-much the best option for you IMO.
Brides seem to get sillier, and more precious, as time goes on! Ignore her and your SMIL.

Original poster
Saltire · 25/04/2009 14:19

I think a lot of this is SMIL and FIL. SIL has been pretty spoiled all her life.
I was a bit when she said she wans't having her grooms neices (5 and 3) as bridesmaids. Nothing to do with me of course, but if I was getting married now then my neice would be top of the list

OP posts:
LaDiDaDi · 25/04/2009 14:20

I wouldn't do it. Stay at MILs for free versus 340 quid for the hotel? No brainer imo.

paisleyleaf · 25/04/2009 14:20

What piscesmoon said.

Sometimes you just have to say "no" to stuff
especially when it comes to a few hundred £££s

RipMacWinkle · 25/04/2009 14:20

Saltire - have been to a couple of evening receptions and nights out at the one near us (Lanarkshire) and it's true. It costs a fecking fortune. It's infamous round here for the prices. I've seen the most respectable of people smuggling in half bottles. I was

Anyway, is this for June this year (2009) or next year (2010)? - sorry if I'm being thick but you said next year. If it's for 2010 (or even for 2009) can't you stall for a bit anyway? Things are so unstable at the moment, there's no way I'd be commiting to such an expense anyway as you'd never hear the end of it if you said yes and then had to pull out.

Your plan with MIL sounds best anyway. If you live 8 hours away, won't DH like to go to the wedding but also see his mum that weekend too?

Gunnerbean · 25/04/2009 14:21

I loathe weddings and do all I can to avoid attending them wherever possible. I hate them most of all because of all the bloody expense entailed in attending them. And what do you get in return? Usually, in my expereince, a set meal which you would never choose off a menu!

Weddings are crap IMHO.

stitchtime · 25/04/2009 14:22

i wouldnt spend that muchmoney unless it was going to be a holiday fo rus, and we could afford it.
stay at yourmils. it will be lovely for the kids as well

Original poster
Saltire · 25/04/2009 14:23

Also, this is the same lot who had an 18th for SIL and we were told "oh she's jsut having a small party with a few friends". We found out later that SMIls sister and her DH, all of SMIls neices and nephews and SMIls friends had all been there.
Then there was the 21st. We were up at theirs for the day (staying at my mums) and FIL said we were going out for dinner. At that point SMIL said "oh by the way, SIL is having her 21st in 3 weeks time if you want to come".
Massive party in a big hotel, loads of guests. We felt that we were added as an afterthought, and that she only told us because the party was in teh place we were going to that night for dinner and she was worried that one of the staff would say something.

OP posts:
KimiAteTooManyEasterEggs · 25/04/2009 14:25

I think this is down right rude. No way should you be bullied in to this by a woman who is not even family to you or your DH.
I would tell smil that you will be staying with your DHs mother, so it is a case of if they want you at the wedding because they want YOU or if it is about a free breakfast they can do without you all together

snigger · 25/04/2009 14:34

As your wedding present to them, offer to pay for the bridal parties breakfast

Quite presumptious of them - a 'perfect' wedding doesn't consist of gathering your nearest and dearest and celebrating your happiness, then? It's all about the free beans, is it?

Original poster
Saltire · 25/04/2009 14:35

Have just been browsing the hotels page, and in the restaurant and bar they have a no jeans/trainers/tracksuit policy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Saltire · 25/04/2009 14:36

that means we definately can't stay there as the DSes live sin their tracksuit bottoms, footie shirts and trainers

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 25/04/2009 14:38

You are not obligated in any way. We have just had a wedding invitation-it helpfully lists some accommodation to suit all pockets with local Travel Lodges etc. We are going to stay with my mother.
They are free to spend whatever they want on the the wedding-they shouldn't be trying to pressurise you so that they can get special deals. It isn't your problem. I would just say that it is a wonderful opportunity to see your MIL and you are combining the two to make a weekend of it.

sarah293 · 25/04/2009 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

YanknCock · 25/04/2009 14:49

Very bad taste for her to be pressuring you like this.

I really can't stand it when Bridezillas try to trump everything with a whiny 'it's my weddddddiiiiiinnnnnggggggg'. What the fuck does it matter to her marriage if you stay in the hotel or not? This bride's (and her mother's) priorities are very out of whack.

So the wedding won't be 'perfect' because you're not staying in the hotel? I've never heard anything so stupid or ridiculous. Tell them to fuck right off for being so silly and selfish. She's on the cusp of making a lifelong commitment--surely that should be number 1 in her mind, rather than bankrupting her guests and showing off.

Not that I have strong feelings about this or anything.

loflo · 25/04/2009 14:51

Save the cash and stay with MIL or find a cheaper alternative i would say. If you ask the lovely people on MN I bet they could recommend somewhere local to the wedding that will cost a lot less if you don't want MIL to have to come and pick you up.

loflo · 25/04/2009 14:52

PS YANBU!

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