Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel really upset that DS1 (8) has not been invited to as friends birthday party....

29 replies

josben · 24/04/2009 22:09

DS1 is quiet and has just few good friends - one of these Mums is a good friend of mine also, but this week I realised that DS1 has not been invited to his birthday party.

I feel really upset about this - I know it is sooo trivial in the scheme of things, but i can't help feeling hurt for DS1 - (he isn't even aware of this by the way)

I suppose i worry about DS1 not having many mates ...?

OP posts:
nametaken · 24/04/2009 22:11

Do you know for sure that his friend is having a party? Perhaps this year his friend is just having one friend to do something nice with, because of the credit crunch.

plimple · 24/04/2009 22:12

Give your DS a lovely party for his birthday and invite lots of kids including your mate's and see what happens next year.
A few good friends is better than a class full of not proper friends.

RumourOfAHurricane · 24/04/2009 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
josben · 24/04/2009 22:15

Well DS1 has just had a cinema party and he did invite this particular friend, along with 5 others -

I just saw his friend giving out invites on thurs and i know DS1 didn;t get one

actually i'm a bit p*ssed off about it too!

OP posts:
Original poster
josben · 24/04/2009 22:16

But I do know, deep down that it is a REALLY silly thing to get wound up about

OP posts:
itsbeingsocheerful · 24/04/2009 22:32

It is really silly Josben. I know, cos I still do it, and have done for more than 10 years. I still feel it for my 15yo DD.

But I have learnt in all that time, that it really is best not to get involved at all and if possible do something yourself with the disappointed DC.

It's hard but experience tells me to stay well out of it - although, I also know that trying to remain friendly with a mum who has snubbed your DC can also strain very nerve in your body!

DandyLioness · 24/04/2009 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

hmc · 24/04/2009 22:43

Sympathies - I can understand why you feel upset on your ds' behalf.

Can't you act all innocent and ask your good friend, the boy's mother - "so got any nice plans for X's birthday?" and see what her explanation is.....

piscesmoon · 24/04/2009 22:43

It is very upsetting but it is just one of those things that you have to let go.

junglist1 · 24/04/2009 22:45

TBH the mother is out of order for leaving your boy out, especially as he was invited to cinema recently. Even if they had a falling out or whatever, you said she was your friend, so it could have been sorted. I'm peed off for your son actually, I can't stand ppl who are inconsiderate like this!

piscesmoon · 24/04/2009 23:00

She isn't out of order-she isn't obliged to have DCs,it is upsetting but life isn't fair-it never will be.You have no option but to let it go.

stillenacht · 24/04/2009 23:04

my son is the same - in fact came on here a couple of nights ago worrying about it My best friend is a primary teacher and says that boys often don't have as many friends as the girls have and will often play alone at breaktimes and be quite happy with that - its hard tho eh....

lunamoon2 · 24/04/2009 23:06

OP-Yanbu, fully sympathise with you.

FairLadyOfMuslinCloth · 24/04/2009 23:21

At that age of kids, they have their own ideas...input of mums not requested....
so, unless all other kids of the class were invited but your son, yabu, but it is understandable that you feel upset, ...how does your son feel about this

captainpeacock · 24/04/2009 23:22

Op yanbu. I had the same thing with ds. Year after year I invited ds's best friend, but he never once got an invite back. I was friends with his mother when they were ver small, but had gone back to work so hadn't seen her in the past few years. In the end I said that he couldn't invite this boy to his last party as I felt that it definitely must have been the mother saying that ds couldn't be invited as within school they were best friends. Anyhoo, the upshot was that this year, after years of no invite ds was invited. Yay, hang the banners out. He was very excited. I was not so excited. It really leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

Clary · 24/04/2009 23:24

wot piscesmoon said.

bigted · 24/04/2009 23:29

please don't let this upset you.

It may sound harsh but it is nothing whatsoever to do with you who the other boy invites to his party.

I think it would be unwise to mention it to your friend.

By the way I worry too about one of my kids having very few mates but there is bugger all I can do about it

Clary · 24/04/2009 23:36

BTW I really don't think you can mention it.

How hideously embarrassing for her.

piscesmoon · 25/04/2009 07:38

I think it much better to get your DC used to facing disappointments in life and show him how to deal with them. Tackling the other mother and making a big thing out of it isn't going to help. I think that sometimes the parent is more upset than the DC. I would just encourage your DS to carry on being a good friend and take it in his stride.
Some people only like a few friends and it isn't set in stone-he may be completely different in the future. My BIL is one of the most sociable people I know but he wasn't when I met him when he was around 20yrs.

honie · 25/04/2009 07:49

I have this issue on a grander scale with DS, also 8.

He never gets invite's, ever. He is quite quiet and sensitive, a little bit of a tattle too, so I guess thats why, but I find it heartbreaking. We even had kids just not show to his party, no refusal slip or anything. {sad}

You are nbu.

junglist1 · 25/04/2009 08:14

I agree with not talking to the mum about it, better to show a blase attitude on the outside anyway. She isn't worth your time. How about organising outings with some other friends for your son? This way, even if he does find out about the party, you can tell him never mind, he's got plenty to look foward to.

piscesmoon · 25/04/2009 08:25

I would do something special with him on the day-let him choose a friend and go out somewhere-it doesn't have to cost money.

mumzy · 25/04/2009 08:27

I was on the other side earlier this year. Ds wanted to invite 2 friends on a day out for his birthday and this year one of the friends he chose was a different friend from last year. I suggested that since Sam (who was included last year) had invited him to his b'day party should'nt he be included instead of Fred who had'nt. He told me he did'nt want to invite Sam as they had fallen out over something and he had only invited last year because I had insisted.
I told him Sam will probably be upset and he may not be invited to Sam's next party. He said he was ok with this but since it was his birthday he should beable to invite who he liked. Afterwards Sam's mum made a bit of a thing about him not been invited and I had to say I left the decision about the invites to ds. I really felt for Sam but I also respected that ds has his own point of view and thats why I chose not to intervene.

piscesmoon · 25/04/2009 08:34

I left my DSs invites completely up to them-it should be a simple thing of their party their choice.

junglist1 · 25/04/2009 08:39

That's different mumzy. There was a choice of 2 friends, so not a party. The OP's friend was handing out invites at the school. If I was in the position of the OP's friend I'd at least attempt to explain my reason, if they'd fell out, or something. I don't know if the fact the other mum hasn't mentioned it makes it seem more rude? However, it's not the end of the world from the boys point of view, I agree with that.

Swipe left for the next trending thread