To think this Librarian could've been a little more sensitive?

[chegirl]

My friend has spent a very long time arranging for a permanent memorial for children who have died. There is to be an opening ceremony soon. The work she has put in is absolutly amazing. Can you imagine the red tape? Added to this of course is her own grief at losing her child.

Anyway - I offered to help publicise the event as I live locally (the event is open to everyone, everywhere regardless of where their child died.) I have been giving out flyers and posters and people have been very nice.

I thought the local main library would be a good place to put a poster. I asked a librarian who then directed me vaguely upstairs. I eventually found the right person and asked her if she would put the poster up. She took it from me and actually sniffed as she read it. She took ages to read it - far longer than neccessary and I am assuming as a librarian she has no literacy problems.

She then looked at me and said 'well I dont think we can put this up in the library. We dont have much room. We have to be very careful and we can only publicise local events'
I said 'it is local'

She put on one of those half smirks that make me want to smack people and said '[postcode]?' in a questioning voice. As if I was an idiot and didnt realise where I was or what day it was.

I explained that although the cemetary was not in the same post code if anyone local had lost a child the service and burial would be held there. Therefore it was the local cemetary. (its not like there is one in every london postcode!)

She looked at me over her glasses and said in a really patronising voice 'well I am sorry dear but I really cannot put this up, I can only publicise local events. I am sure you understand dear. I would like to but I simply cant'.

Would it have been too much to publicise it? What about all the local bereaved parents? Is she really trying to tell me that she cannot put anything on her board that does not happen directly in the postcode? So no stuff about events in London, festivals, health notices etc?

I know this may sound trivial but a little bit of sensitivity wouldnt of hurt would it?

chegirl at your last post.

beaurocrats

Chegirl - if you are not feeling up to writing the letter given that your dd's anniversary is coming up soon, perhaps we can write it for you and save you the job? Seriously, we could put it together on this thread, and they you could copy and paste it into a document and just send it?

I think we all completely agree that the poisonous cow needs to feel some heat from her employer about this. I wouldn't be surprised if a complaint of this nature led to a disciplinary....it's that serious. She is supposed to be customer focussed and yet she was actively cruel and pernicious imo.

hmc that is such a sweet suggestion. Thank you for thinking of it.

I will be ok. I quite like writing letters of complaint. BUT I am not sure how I will be next week. IF I feel really not able to do anything I will take you up on the offer. If I am okish I will do the letter and post it on here for you all to see.

I am not sure it will make a difference, she is the type of person to always see herself in the right. But it will make me feel better to get it down on paper.

I can then add it to my collection, I always keep a copy - they are v.amusing when you read them years later.

How sad am I?

Thanks again for your support everyone. It has made me feel better.

Chegirl - do complain to your local councillor and or the head of library services for the area. And - any decent member of staff would have cancelled the fines immediately.

btw re:fines - I built up a lot of fines just after I had DS (he was a bit earlier than I thought had problems with jaundice, then home for a week then admitted to paed hospital because of jaundice). Library staff offered to waive my fines when I explained. So yes this woman is a particularly heartless bitch. Just the sort of woman that inspired "computer says NO".

Goodness, what an awful library - I am thinking just how lovely my local library is...

I telephoned as I couldn't find the book and they immedieatly sort out the ook fine and helped me and I was only being dim and couldn't find the book not have a life chaging disater.

I has really made me appreciate my local library

Do ask in your complaint about footfall that always gets them going as you are the age they are suffering from not enough foot fall

Has anyone mentioned that the librarian might have lost a child herself and not be able to think about that kind of thing? i know she was horrible but it might explain it.

chegirl, what an absolute bitch the librarian is
I understand what you said about how losing your DD changes you for ever, that is so true

I know you will be going through a tough time leading up to the anniversary, it is really hard to explain to peolple who have no experience of it. It is all you can think, feel, eat, sleep, for a few weeks.
Why not tell the local newspaper, that's just the sort of local story they are looking for. If you can stand the publicity, it will at least do the job for your friend's memorial service.

I am so so so for you Chegirl........I would contact the local paper with the story.........tell them how awful she was.......... You get to vent your fury and get some publicity for your cause as well. As another bereaved Mum i really feel for you. I have linked this to our "special thread"

Flight that is a good point that you make BUT I think that another bereaved parent would have more than likely shed a million tears and asked how many posters would you like putting up.

I am so angry for you Che that I wished I lived closer to you and could do something about it - you have to complain but I understand that next week is not the time to do it. I would be more than willing to ring them or write to them - I have an evil sarcastic gob on me

Two weeks after one of my DTwinS's passed away I had to take my other twin for some jabs to the clinic. When we got there the snotty, haughty head Health Visitor came to the door and shouted out both the twins names. She had, along with my own health visitor, come out to see me the day after he passed away.

It made my heart jump when she said their names. I went into have the jabs done and explained again to her about my twin boy dying. She got a red pen and put two lines across his clinic card and wrote deceased in between them. I cannot put what I said to her on here but I will never, ever forgive her for it.

COMPLAIN my darling - LONG AND HARD - when YOU are ready. xxxxxx

Shabster, I can't believe a HV would act like that. I tend to think that certain types of people would choose certain professions, eg a caring and considerate person would choose to be a nurse or HV. Shows how wrong those assumptions can be. How cold hearted.

YANBU - how bloody rude & cruel

Don't let this nasty woman get to you, I hope all goes well & think it's lovely what you're friend is doing (& you for helping to advertise).

Chegirl that is disgusting . Some people are just dickheads no matter what they are faced with .

The way bereaved parents are dealt with in this country is pretty rubbish . I know it is a hard thing to think about or consider but bloody hell it is a damn site easier than sitting on this side .

The amount of phone calls I have had to make to stupid companies who would never take Harry's name of their stupid lists used to make my blood boil . Also health proffesionals who had all my details but never took 2 minutes out of their hectic schudule to notice that I had lost a child and it would be left to me to explain the details . The hardest thing to ever have to say out loud to someone .

Agree 100% TW - but did snigger at dickheads

I had forgotten till now that the twins had baby bank accounts with the TSB - we had to take DS death certificate in, as proof, to transfer £10 from his to his twin brothers account that day DTwinS had holes punctured into his bank book by a 'special' machine in the TSB so it couldnt be used again........totally uncalled for IMO!

Oh Che please let me loose on the woman...PLLLLLLLLLLLLLEASE!! I am so much stronger nowxxxx

.....and dont even get me started about the opticians in my town who said I had to pay for DS3's glasses two days after he was killed in a road accident....dont even get me started. It was front page headlines in the paper.....

Once again the death certificate had to accompany us to a tutting, sighing receptionist think I better go and have a lie down.

Go back today and complain LOUDLY in her bloody library about what she is saying and tell her you will do so LOUDLY everyday until she puts the bloody poster up

How absolutely awful

I know we are going off on a slight tangent but it annoys the life out of me that all these people who magically find out you are pregnant or had a baby seem to be incapable of listening when you tell them the worst has happened .

Telling someone once should be enough .

THIS is what is fantastic about Mumsnet - where people who have not experienced something that the OP is talking about can still 'see' what the problem is and have sympathy and understanding.

Just to be 'listened to' means so very much.

You are right Shabs...as always!!

I do have a megaphone though (this is strangely true)

The stories on this thread about the way bereaved parents have been treated makes me so angry. Shabster, hoe heartbreaking

LOL I dont need a megaphone with a gob as big as the Mersey Tunnel I used to just let stuff happen - I used to let people say whatever they wanted....but!!! the bitch strong woman is back

Honestly usually the worst, rudest people are those who have bitter experience but have never been allowed to grieve for some reason. They are angry with you for being allowed to cry.

I would bet you anything she has had something happen that makes her act this way.

That doesn't mean I think it's ok of course.

I have a megagob too Shabs!!

Jobsworth bitch, bet her sad little job is her whole life.

you have to think about why people behave this way.
Nobody whose job is their 'whole life' is happy. I'm not trying to take away from OP's pain and indignation but when someone is miserable or rude to me I try and imagine how unhappy they must be to make them behave that way and it actually helps me feel less attacked iyswim. Just trying to help.