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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not go out because my friends are so utterly useless?

46 replies

Ewe · 24/04/2009 20:11

I am the only one of my friends to have a child. It is my friend J's birthday this evening and we had all planned to meet at 7pm in a local pub and then head into London.

So I bust my arse to leave work on time, pick DD up from nursery, bath, milk and bed for her and then run around like a blue arsed fly getting ready. I also spent my whole lunch break sorting out fancy dress.

I get a text saying they are all running a bit late. 7.45pm, they are still at birthday friends house drinking, will get a taxi at about half 8.

I hung up the phone and then decided that I wasn't going to go so text my BF and the friend who is celebrating his birthday saying sorry but am giving it a miss as not feeling great. This is true as I have had a shitty cold this week but I am really not feeling great because I think it is unbelievable rude to keep a friend waiting for an hour and a half.

So, AIBU to cancel?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ewe · 24/04/2009 20:16

Oh come on, surely at least one of you is going to say I should be more understanding blah blah blah...

OP posts:
whoisasking · 24/04/2009 20:17

Errr, I am sure that I'm going to be in the wrong here, but I really do think you are being a little unreasonable.

I undertand your frustration. That mad dash to get ready, the running about all day, the whole thing of going out? I get it, I understand...but they don't, not yet, they're childless. They haven't cancelled, just changed the time. And unless I'm very much mistaken, the birthday girl will be upset that you've cancelled!.

There's still time to rescue this though! Give them a quick text, go out and ENJOY YOURSELF.

TheFallenMadonna · 24/04/2009 20:17

Fancy dress?

Limara · 24/04/2009 20:19

just go! I would. They are with the birthday girl,maybe she's had a shit day too and has off loaded to the rest of the friends and that has taken some time?

wolfnipplechips · 24/04/2009 20:20

YABU and a little sensitive.

HaventSleptForAYear · 24/04/2009 20:20

eh?

Were you waiting on your own at the pub?

Why aren't you there drinking with them?

It seems to me that since mobile phones became universal, time-keeping has gone out the window, as has planning for nights out [old fogey without a phone emoticon!]

So say some friends of mine anyway.

WE all know that with kids you have to be mega-organised and hardly ever get a night out but pre-kids, few of us would have.

Get out there now, it's a bday fgs.

TheFallenMadonna · 24/04/2009 20:21

God yes. Go!!

nickytwotimes · 24/04/2009 20:23

I hate tardiness.
Being left alone whie they get pissed at home is rotten.
Not sure whether I'd have cancelled though, but fair enought o be pissed off.

Original poster
Ewe · 24/04/2009 20:32

I am just so pissed off that I gave up precious time with my DD (I work FT in London) getting ready etc and they don't even have the decency to communicate with me properly.

I understand being late, but it will be 2 hours after the time we were supposed to meet. I was intending to get the last train home as I didn't wanna do nightbus for an hour at 4am so by the time I had actually got out I would have had to go home.

Mostly I am just really annoyed that I have put in loads of effort (yes, it is a fancy dress birthday celebration, I hate fd!) and they haven't even bothered to text me or turn up within any type of reasonable time frame

OP posts:
Original poster
Ewe · 24/04/2009 20:33

It is a male friends birthday and I can't see him being too bothered, he hasn't responded to my text saying that I was going to give tonight a miss.

OP posts:
EnterStageLeft · 24/04/2009 20:35

I'm with you Ewe, YANBU to not go, I'd do the same. I think you've done well not to tell them the real reason.

It's general crapness mixed with non-parents not understanding the extra effort required to go out when you have children.

Looks like in the minority but I agree with you. Get yourself a bottle glass of wine and relax at home instead.

Limara · 24/04/2009 20:36

Ah now I'm annoyed with your mates. It's a whole different senario now. I can see your point of view completely. If I were you, get your p'js on and find something good to watch. The money you'd have spent tonight, go treat yourself and little one tomorrow.

MarthaFarquhar · 24/04/2009 20:36

YANBU to be a bit narked. I blame mobiles. It now seems to be socially acceptable to call someone 30mins after you were supposed to be meeting them, to say that you are going to be an hour late.

Oh yes, I just love nursing a warm white wine for 90mins on my own in a packed bar.....

BirdyArms · 24/04/2009 20:37

If they don't have kids they really won't understand how precious your time is. I think you've got to learn to live with this kind of thing if you want to stay friends with them.

Limara · 24/04/2009 20:39

From 7pm until now, surely the friends should have felt some guilt of leaving someone sitting at home all ready from then until now?

Limara · 24/04/2009 20:41

TBH, if theyv'e been drinking, they would be on a completely different level to you if they turned up now anyway, you'd be playing catch-up...

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 24/04/2009 20:42

But why would you want to stay friends with people who care so little about your current life? I'd be peed off and would certainly expect BF to be a bit more thoughtful.

TheFallenMadonna · 24/04/2009 20:42

Really - fancy dress?
In public?

?????

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 24/04/2009 20:42

Now, you're not actually sat there in fancy dress now are you?

Portofino · 24/04/2009 20:44

YANBU. We get invites like this. Meet at 10 for drinks in trendy bar. The childless have no clue that reasonable hours for a babysitter are say 7 - 12. So if we have to travel into Brussels - at least 45 mis each way, and a taxi at midnight costs 40 euros as opposed to 3 euros on the last bus. We tend to go for a quick meal on our won first then meet up for an hour or so, then go home. Not really feasible for you to do that by yourself though.

MaureenMLove · 24/04/2009 20:45

YANBU! From the POV of a parent, they are totally out of order. Unfortunately, however, they don't have kids, so they don't get it.

Sorry you've had your evening screwed up. They are at fault, but tbh, they probably don't realise what you've been through to make tonight happen for you.

Come to the virtual BAR. It's not rockin' yet, it's still early, but who knows what'll happen later!

Limara · 24/04/2009 20:46

TheFallenMadonna, I'm with you, people actually go out in FANCY DRESS?

Original poster
Ewe · 24/04/2009 20:46

I am going to spend the money I would have spend tonight on getting my hair done tomorrow to cheer myself up!

I think whether or not I have a child is irrelevant in some respects (makes me feel worse but that is all), imo you just don't treat your friends like that, it is rude and really upsetting. Normally I am quite good at ignoring how shitty they are with stuff like this but tonight I have got to the point where I just wanted to give up.

Gah, I can see how people drift apart from childhood friends!

OP posts:
wolfnipplechips · 24/04/2009 20:47

Ewe i love the idea of you posting in fancy dress, what ya wearing?

Ahhh they're twats, people just don't get it or understand how much you could have looked forward to/ planned a night out when you have kids. Is there anyone else you could go with who might share a cab home with you later?

Original poster
Ewe · 24/04/2009 20:49

No, fancy dress is off (and going back) I was going as a ladybird which is much better than it sounds.

I don't really get the fancy dress thing either but my friends will use any excuse to dress up! My friend's actual birthday is St Georges day and he wanted to dress up as a knight, it spiralled from there...

OP posts:
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