to not go out because my friends are so utterly useless?

[Ewe]

I am the only one of my friends to have a child. It is my friend J's birthday this evening and we had all planned to meet at 7pm in a local pub and then head into London.

So I bust my arse to leave work on time, pick DD up from nursery, bath, milk and bed for her and then run around like a blue arsed fly getting ready. I also spent my whole lunch break sorting out fancy dress.

I get a text saying they are all running a bit late. 7.45pm, they are still at birthday friends house drinking, will get a taxi at about half 8.

I hung up the phone and then decided that I wasn't going to go so text my BF and the friend who is celebrating his birthday saying sorry but am giving it a miss as not feeling great. This is true as I have had a shitty cold this week but I am really not feeling great because I think it is unbelievable rude to keep a friend waiting for an hour and a half.

So, AIBU to cancel?

I don't think having a child has got anything to do with this IMO. The thought of leaving a friend sat at home waiting in fancy dress whilst I was partying somewhere else

A fancy dress surely?

oh a ladybird! cool
oh why not go

OOh I'm sympathising now.

I didn't really mean that YwereBU because I would be fuming BUT unfortunately it does seem to be common behaviour.

I can imagine they were just sitting around, having some drinks, and then finally got it together to call a taxi sometime AFTER they were supposed to have left, only to find it would take another 45 mins to come.

This used to happen to us frequently (AS STUDENTS!!! - how old are your friends?)

Actually it drove me mad even then.

I would always be the one fretting in the background saying shouldn't we be thinking about making a move/calling a taxi?

Poor sad little Ladybird. Having your hair done is agreat idea, then you can swish it at them when you see them.

I would see it as a blessing in desguise, you could of been coming home on the last train on your own, tipsy, dressed as a ladybird. FGS you should be thanking them

YANBU to be angry, but I know from experience that people without children don't have any concept of the sheer organisation it takes to do anything!

I remember years ago when my dd was a few months old + being breastfed every 3 hours. (I wasn't returning to work so hadn't needed to express).

Was invited out for my best friend's birthday but made it clear I was on a strict 3 hour timescale until the baby's next feed. She laughed + said we won't be late. We were going to her house + then on to a few pubs where we were meeting other friends.

Anyway, the time went quickly + once 2 + a half hours had gone by I said I'd have to get going. They insisted I didn't taxi home on my own, saying "we won't be long". Pub phone wasn't working + none of us had mobiles then, ! I was made to feel silly, they were telling me to make the most of the evening, it would "do my dh good to cope alone". What could he do, only I could feed her but they didn't seem to get it.

I finally got back later than planned, to a stressed out dh + a screaming baby! I just burst into tears + fed her instantly, (breast milk was starting to leak from my boobs in the pub!

My friend rang the next day, + still seemed to be of the impression that I "deserved" a night out + if it was her she'd have stayed much later + have let him get on with it! Tried to explain again but she just DIDN'T GET IT!!

Next time I went out with these friends I was past the early breastfeeding stage, couldn't take the stress again!

I don't think you're unreasonable not to go, if anything it will make them think next time, + consider you before they start straying from the original plan!

God YAsoNBU. Running around like a blue arsed fly and then actually agreeing to go out dressed as a ladybird whilst they all get pissed somewhere else with no thought for you....some friends!

I think they were rude regardless of whether they have children or not, especially as it sounds like they were all at his place.

it was great meeting you last week and your DD is georgeous.

onthepier - that is awful!

We're all 22/23/24 so they were students relatively recently and haven't quite adjusted to being grown ups yet. Not that age is an excuse in my book!

The situation you describe is exactly what would have happened HaventSlept, I don't even mind this but they should have invited me and I would have got a lift over to them - easy.

ingles, that should be running around like a red spotted ladybird - not a blue arsed fly!

Thanks Five I think DD is pretty gorgeous too [biased], was lovely to meet you also, am I the only one still hoping that one of the printers will arrive by courier?

I feel a bit better now. Who needs real life friends dressed as cow girls, knights, pocahontas and superman!

I fecking hate people who do this, I don't care if you have children or not.

Have a drink at home and get get your hair done. Much more fun imo, but I'm old before my time.

Join me on singstar if you fancy

Actually as virtually the last to leave they did say something about they were going to see if they could give us one to play with in a real life setting as things went wrong, but I am not holding my breath.

Singstar and I are not the best of friends... It makes my voice sound rubbish when actually I could give Beyonce a run for her money Don't know how it happens.

Ooooh Five, that would be good, possibly a bit too good to be true!

I think YABU as several posters have mentioned there is a yawning difference in priorities between the childfree and us. I can just about remember what it was like being on the other side and being able to be spontaneous. I use to resent going out with colleagues who had children because they wanted everything to be organised to the nth degree, rushing us out of the pub because the restaurant was booked for 8pm and making us all order our food as soon as we had sat down so they could be home by 10pm. Now I'm the one ushering the others along!. I think if you are going out with childfree friends then you have to accept they don't really have a timetable unlike you. When I had my first child we still saw a lot of our childfree friends but as the years have gone on I hardly ever see them anymore and socialise almost exclusively with people who have children. I feel more relaxed with them as there is no need to explain why I have a timetable why I can't do certain things and if I need to leave early no one is upset.

Sorry but I would have been pissed off with this before I had kids, let alone now when nights out are so much more precious.

If you had been out with a few other people and just had to wait for this lot to turn up, that's not so bad. But I would not be happy with my friends if they knew I was alone and then decided to sit about the house drinking instead of meeting me so that I could join in.

Whether they are childless or have 20 kids between them, I don't think it's on to leave a friend waiting alone. Surely you all meet up at the pub and then get so drunk you forget to book the taxi into town

I sent a text to my best mate just saying that I was quite upset and she text back saying "But you said you weren't coming out before we had even left J's house" - completely missing that that was the point I was trying to explain [sigh]

Will speak to her tomorrow about it I guess.

The point about having/not having children, while it's added stress for the OP, doesn't mean that her priorities are somehow at odds with her friends' as mumzy says. They are just plain rude and thoughtless.

Before I had a child I expected people to be punctual, and was so myself. Single people might not want to go home on the night bus, and they are no more likely to want to hang around in a pub for an hour and a half than anyone else.

The arrangement was for 7 so they should have been there.
OP, YANBU.

I bet your ladybird get-up looked fab, though.

That's rubbish, Ewe. Am on your behalf. It's how it goes when your mates don't have children though.

Have you at least had a nice glass of wine?