to think it's absolutely disgusting that this woman tried to feed to MY baby food she had just spat out of her mouth

[mummygirl]

I'm SO cross, especially as I was made to feel I'm weird.

This woman and I meet at the park occassionally and the kids pay together, we're both english living abroad, so we thought we'd have things in common, but it's not the case. She's not a bad person, but I can't stand her very low hygiene standards. She showers once a week, and you can tell, her feet stink even inside her shoes, her breath is constantly emetic and someone needs to talk to her about Rexona. She doesn't brush her kids teeth, as she's too scared they'll swallow toothpaste (they're now 2 and 5 and have never had their teeth brushed! -oldets has two fillings already) and I know that she brishes her teeth once a day -when I told her that we're supposed to do them after every meal she said she thinks it's a bit over-the-top when people do them both mornignand evening, but after every meal was beyond comprehension.

Some time after this mouth hygiene convo, my 3 year old was trying to share her bagel-type thingy (just a bit chewier) with her little friend, but couldn't break it. So this lady took it, put half of it in her mouth, bit it in half, gave it a good lick, and then gave my daughter the piece she spat out!!!!!!! I was lost for words!!!! I was so gobsmacked that I said nothing as I watched my baby eat the regurgitated bun. I wanted to puke. I would NEVER give to my baby something that has been in my mouth, and if I did, well, she's MY baby. You can't feed other people's children from your mouth. And when I tried to politely say that we probably shouldn't do that (I said crap like "oh, they're only little, god knows what we adults might carry and be dealing with it just fine, but the kids could get ill, blablabla"), she looked DOWN on me and I was told that if I let my children witness such uptight behaviour they'll never learn to share!!!!

That's fine by me, because I don't want my children to share their sweat, bodily odours, saliva and germs! (at least not for several years yet)

We left our meeting in good terms, noone mentioned the incident again, but I don't think I'll be meeting her again.

SO AIBU?

PS: sorry for the waffle, my blood is boiling

Well I wouldnt feed something to someone elses child like that as i'd be concerned that they'd be upset (like you are). I weaned my daughter by pre chewing her food for her though. Never did her any harm and it meant that she could eat whatever I was eating.

ooh I agree with you OP!

She sounds vile and a bit smelly really.

I would have to stop seeing her.

Sounds like you both "look down" on each other tbh.
You do realise that your dc will end up sharing all the things you mentioned evry time you either go to a soft play place or nursery/school etc?

The woman sounds odd but you do sound rather over the top as well. Sorry.

ew!

Difficult one. Hygiene vs. kindness.

Not a lovely example of hygiene but these situations often make me think that our hyper-hygienic society is a very privileged minority.

But then your child, your choice.

I think you're both as bad as each other.

Just about another woman feeding your DC her chewed food, YANBU. Perhaps on some other things you could relax though - children do chew things and share them and generally if you encourage good oral health practice they will be fine. I'm sure 3 year olds pick up much worse things and eat them!

Sorry but I agree with easterspirits, it sounds like you are as judgy of her as she is of you IYSWIM. No she shouldn't have given the food to your dc but I wouldn't have batted an eyelid if she had given it to her own dc. Everyone has different standards, the teeth cleaning thing is very sad for her children but I don't really understand why you were telling her how often she should be cleaning her own teeth, I think I would have been a bit cross about it if I had been her!

I would stop seeing her too, but mostly becasue you clearly do not bring out the best in each other.

Oh dear i'm a bit of a clean-freak and would possibly have been sick but am pregnant.

Think i'd see less of her - you both sound very different.

When I was a little girl I was given an ice-cream lolly when on holiday. My stepfather's old, wrinkly, smelly, haggy and foul mother (who smoked 40 a day and didn't have any teeth) took it from me, gave it a good lick and gave it back to me.

I didn't eat it. But it traumatised me so much that I still don't like people having a bite of my food. If the kids have ice-creams I could never lick a bit off.

This woman sounds gross hygiene-wise, perhaps a little too gross? Are you sure you haven't just made her up? Will you now tell us more disgusting things she's done just to keep us going?

she wouldn't be my friend i know that much yuk

hmm, well I dont really see what is wrong with biting off a piece of something large for a child, I do it all the time. I also think brushing your teeth 3 times a day IS a bit obsessive. However I think her licking teh bun before giving it to your child (maybe to remove the salt, or a sauce??) it is a bit rank though. The trouble is, you're both two opposites of a spectrum. There is nothing wrong with sharing your food from your mouth with your own child, well, not on a regular basis, but then my denist told me I have an excelent mouth (wtf?) and my oral bacteria was great. It's something which happens, and being frigid about it will only give your child the willies. Though on the other hand, a total neglect of personal hygien is also literally rank. Seems like you both need to get other friends that you actually have something in common with..

thank you all for your replies, more or less what I thought anyway.

I don't see anything wrong with her doing it to her own children, but you can't do it to someone else's. I wasn't telling her how oftenshe should brush her teeth, it was just a conversation about childcare, like we discuss what the kids eat, how potty training is going, tantrums etc.

And i don't mind my children crawling around in the park, possibly eating bugs, but felt invaded, I felt like someone else had decided that my dc could have the food they had just chewed!

I hope this makes sense

yes, I know I can be over the top sometimes...

A lady I didn't know was feeding my youngest pre-chewed biscuit when he was a baby, luckily I noticed after the 1st mouthful! I could have vomited! He was only about 6 months old as well, and literlly just weaned!

I feel sick now

Biting thing - ho hum, I don't know. I'd do it for my DC, I don't know that it would bother me that much if someone did it to mine. Bit odd maybe.

Hygiene thing is pretty awful IMO. I feel sorry for her DC is they don't learn better than that. Whether you like it or not people will make judgements on you for that.

It doesnt sound v good.

Having said that my sons little friend fell into a bundle of nettles and in the absence of dock leaves and as he was crying his mum spat on her hand and rubbed it on his leg so the cool air would take the sting out a bit - his tears were so bad I did the same on the other leg

happily he was all right and on the fone to his nanna that night told her 'matts mummy was really kind and spat on my leg!!'

I'm surprised you have anything to do with her really, being as your both such different people, what DO you have in common.

lol on the lollipop story, very traumatic indeed...

haven't made her , I swear.

I said we meet occassionaly, I know we have nothing in common, it's like a habit you don't know to break, you know...

I think she likes me... Or doesn't have any friends. Not a snire comment, honest, I don't see why else she keeps asking for us to meet up!

rolf nickschick "kind lasy spat on my leg". However you didn't spit in his mouth, did you?

meant to write "kind lady"

Her having a different approach to you about hygiene does not make her a bad person. If she gave her own children "pre-bitten" food, would that offend you as much? I was reading something on the BBC psychology pages the other day about disgust - apparently it's an emotion that has evolved to help protect us from harmful things (e.g. rotten food, bacteria etc). There was one question about who you would be willing to share your toothbrush with, and the theory was that the closer you are to someone (your own child for example) the less likely you are to be disgusted by the notion of "sharing" their germs, as you probably have all the same germs anyway. As an example, for some reason I have a weird phobia of spit, but when my daughter drools on me, even on my face, I don't give it a second thought.

Anyway, sorry, rambling a bit but the upshot is YANBU, IMHO - you already have misgivings about this woman's hygiene and the fear that she might pass on bacteria to your child that they have not encountered before and therefore have no resistance to, is perfectly rational. But you are being a bit judgmental.

Sorry, just noticed "I don't see anything wrong with her doing it to her own children, but you can't do it to someone else's."

Kind of my point really. (Slinks away swearing to read threads more closely next time.)

I have a funny story about her but now I'm scared that people will think I've made the woman up...

Anyway, when we first met she came round our place with the kids and took her shoes off. a couple of hours later DH came back and as dinner time was approaching she started packing and left. A couple of weeks later she was due to visit again and when I mentioned it to dh in the morning he said "oh, no, does she have to? we've run out of air-freshner"?

Sorry, I know harsh, but I thought it was hillarious, as I had no idea he had noticed the smell, haha!

I divert though, I dont'mind that, but I simply have to draw the line on the spat out bun

i didn't like it when MIL would chew food then take a little out to give to ds 1. I was aghast (and nearly vomitting)

I think when it's your child you deal with food as you please but you don't assume everyone does the same as you. I don't feed like this and have never.

I also don't do the spitting on a hanky and wiping either ds's mouth or nose. I use water as I couldn't bear my own mother doing this to me and the smell of drying saliva was rank.

As for the teeth brushing I do think you're a little over the top and she's way under it...so I guess you'll never really get on unless you accept each other's differences.