to think that parents should mind that people mistake their boy for a girl?

[ChocFudgeCake]

My children were playing football in the park with other little children. They all attend the same school so I know the faces. DS came crying because the little girl wouldn't let him play with her ball. A mum sitting next to me commented that this boy doesn't like to share his ball. "What boy?" I asked, "I thought the ball belonged to that girl". The mum said "HE is a boy". I laughed, "No, I mean that little girl with WAIST LONG hair". She insisted he was a boy with long hair, she knows the family. All year I have seen this child and never crossed my mind he could be a boy! They all wear tracksuits so I couldn't tell by the uniform. He also has a unisex name... Apparently the parents don't cut his hair because it's too pretty. He wears a half pony tail... How could I know?

Balloon, how do you know it's the family "making" the boys have different length hair? Maybe it's the boys imposing their own ideas?

What an odd thing to be bothered about. YABU.

gender definitely not binary lol, aren't there something like 65 recognised 'intersex' conditions? just because in cases of cultural doubt, the doc pops his/her head in and rules one way or the other, with associated nip and tuck if necessary, may tidy it up as far as mainstream society is concerned, but it doesn't actually alter the facts lol.

it's just convenient to have society organised this way, (allegedly). i can understand that the binary model has benefits as far as legislation and social organisation is concerned (if you have a society that treats people differently according to gender) but i've never really grasped a deeper point other than that...

we knew a little boy with long golden ringlets whose mother dressed him in white cotton knickerbockers year round. (with a snowsuit over the top if nec.) dd1 was adamant that sebastian was a girl. we moved away when he was five and i do sometimes wonder fleetingly what he is like at 14...

why be over 2 boys in a family having different length hair Balloon???
I've got 2 boys
ds1 has short blond spiky hair,
ds2 has long brown hair.
They choose their own hairstyles because they are individual. Why would they want to be the same?
Why would I decide they should have the same?

My brother and i were playing golf with my dad when we were both at Uni. We were searching for a ball when another golfer said " I think it went over there by your other daughter" and pointed to my 19yr old bro!! Oh how i laughed - he was mortified, but in defence of the oldish golfer, DB had beautiful shiny ringlets until he had his interview haircut. I was always a bit jealous of it.

Anyhoo - who cares? I love pretty looking boys and was a real tomboy myself. If everyone concerned is happy, what's the problem?

Hair doesn't get long overnight. A mass of shoulder length curls on a five year old must have been uncut since the age of two.

A three year old brother with a short haircut may well have asked to go to the hairdresser (never having seen his brother go EVER)

I still maintain the most likely explanation is that mums love long curly hair on boys and men...

I couldn't cut ds2 hair even if I wanted to.
He loves his lion hair.
Besides that long hair suits his face and he has weird cows licks, double crowns which mean short hair would be a mess unless it was shaved and there's no way I'm doing that.

I agree, why would you assume that two children with different length hair are being treated differently? Personally I would assume they are being treated the same, ie by allowing them some choice in the way their hair is styled rather than imposing rules or sterotypes.

Being too quick to judge someone by your own standards is what leads to prejudice and mis-understanding IMO.

It wouldn't bother me personally. dd was oft mistaken for a boy when she was wee and I wasn't offended.

What does irritate me is the fact that some people seem to view their children as fashion accessories. There seems to be a trend currently for little boys to have long hair and it just makes me cringe a bit. One friend of a friend (a fashionable London type) told me I couldn't cut DS's hair because 'don't you know? It's all about little boys with long hair at the moment?!' I'm afraid I snorted and told her he'd be going for a short back and sides as soon as he could sit still long enough. Personally, I think boys look cuter (more old-fashioned?) with a boyish haircut.

"I agree, why would you assume that two children with different length hair are being treated differently?"

While they are small, they are definitely being treated differently.

My DS1 (8) has short hair. My DD has long hair. That is because she is a girl and he is a boy, and I am boring and stereotypical. If I had wanted DS1 to have long hair he would have had long hair until he had asked to have it cut. Knowing DS1, he would not have asked to have it cut because, being male, he has little interest in what he looks like.

None of my DCs have ever asked for a hair cut. All hair cuts (or in the case of DD, lack of hair cuts) have always been at my instigation.

DS2's hair is showing a bit of curl, in contrast to the poker straight hair of his siblings. I took the decision today not to have his hair trimmed when I had the opportunity because he is starting to get some cute little curls. But at least I am honest enough to say that I am making that decision because I want my son to look cute, rather than claiming that my 18mo child has "asked me to let his hair grow long" and that I am following his wishes.

Gender is not the same as sex. Gender is not biological.

To break it down:

Sex = what you have between your legs
Gender = what you want to have between your legs
Sexuality = who you want to have between your legs.

Why 'should' they?

Don't understand....

Lockets, I have never used the word "favour", I said that people were treating their children differently.

You may not be treating your children differently but in this sentence "I have one daughter with gorgeous long blonde, shiny hair, one with short,thick and wayward hair and one with short ,curly hair." it is extremely clear that you describe your daughters' hair differently.

You know what your DDs look like, I don't. I am certain they are all beautiful but the way you have written that sentence does not put that across.

Sorry what I meant to add was that the one sentence you have said about your daughters makes it sound as if there is one you consider a beauty and the others...er, um.

What I meant to say is that you know how beautiful they are (probably considerably!) but to someone who has never seen them, who only has that description to go by, would take a certain impression of it.

• phew, read my last post back and it sounded awful, not what I was trying to say at all.

Balloon, my ds (8) has very strong views on how he wants his hair (long) and has had for the last few years. It is not that he has little interest, quite the contrary.

I could force him physically down to the hairdressers and pin him down, but frankly I can't be bothered. As long as the school don't complain, I don't see why he shouldn't be allowed to decide.

But it seems odd to think that I am inflicting this hair style on it, when it is his own choice and due to his feelings of wanting to be different.

Again, I left it up to dd to decide when she wanted to start growing her hair long (about age 8), before that she preferred a short hair cut to the bother of combing long hair.

My dd is continually being called a boy (she's 2).

I even had one woman tell me off for dressing her in blue (it was a navy pinafore dress) - "well, how am I supposed to know if you insist on dressing her in blue, not pink" were her exact words. This woman was waiting in the queue in the library, I had never set eyes on her before.

I was quite amused at the time, but it was rather rude. LUckily, dd now shouts "I a GIRL" at anyone who calls her a boy. Woth s older ds's she's getting pretty good at holding her own.

Ds2 had longish curly hair until he started reception. He did ask for his hair to be cut when other children started teasing him and calling him a girl. I was very about the comments because they came from people who definitely new he was a boy. I do not think it would have bothered me if it had come from someone who had met him for the first time + would not have bothered me if it hadn't bothered him IYSWIM?

YABU

well done on him for having the self esteem and confidence to have his hair how he likes and not be bothered with other peoples opinions

well done on his parents for not feeling like they have to conform to how others think a little boy should look

Forgot to say YABU!

Ballonslayer, just because your children have not asked for a haircut or displayed a preference in hairstyle does not mean others won't have! Have you offered your children the choice? I mean activly asked them how they would like their hair?

Children develop preferences at different ages, yours may not care about hair but very much prefer having their barbie/thomas/white stuff pyjamas. Another child may not give a monkies about clothes/hair but be very particulr about the toys they have/food they eat.

Everyone is different, that goes for parents and children. It would do you well to remember that a bit more IMO. As for your point about the other poster describing her childrens hair differently, that is because they are different, different colour, style, type, cut. How would you want her to describe her childrens hair when discussing childrens hair cuts if not to simply explain what they are like?

Until last week ds1 had hair longer (and far more beautiful) than mine. Even when we clearly and ovbviously refered to him as 'he', people assumed he was a girl. He had long hair because he wanted it. I don't see the big deal. As having long hair is his choice, he will either get it teased out of him, or he will have (or develop) a strong enough character to deal with it. The latter is what happened.

But eventually he got fed up with having to have his hair tied back for school, and had a hair cut. I rather miss his gorgeous flowing locks.

Both of my boys have naturally curly hair.

Ds1 chooses to have his all cut off and so has very short hair. As soon as it grows long enough to start curling again he asks to have it cut.

Ds2 likes his hair to stay curly so that's the way he has it.

Why on earth would I want to make them both have the same cut just so that strangers think they match?

As for the issue of boys being mistaken for girls and vice versa, IME the length of hair has bog-all to do with it. Dd and ds2 had very similar hair for a while - colour, length and shape. Some people thought ds was a girl. Others thought dd was a boy.