To ask the good folk of MN, who have been to rock bottom, for whatever reason, to give those of us that are there at the moment some inspiration to keep going.

[TheMitsubishiWarrioress]

The title says it all..(long title sorry..)

The way down to ROCK bottom is generally very slow going. Think how long it took you to get down there then think the trip back up is a steep hill. Hard to climb but a darn site quicker!!!

Also once you have figured out coping techniques and to spot the signs of a downward spiral you will NEVER get as low again!!!! for as long as you work at it.

Change happens.

It's the way of the Universe. Even if you were to do nothing, stay in the same job, same house and do the same routines every day. If you looked back over a year you'll have been subjected to changes.

It's change that gives you hope.

The thought that you won't be in the same position a year from now. That things will be different.

You can choose to wait and let change happen to you. Or you can choose to speed things up a little and go looking for that change.

Have you spoken to your GP/anyone about the depression?

and there is always a way out of a terrible marriage.

If you want to give more details, I, or someone else will be able to help you with a way out. Finances can always be sorted one way or another.

As for your health and your spoken to your gp about your problems. Exercise disorders and depression often are linked, and often food related too. They can all be managed if you look for help in the right places.

Many of us have been in terrible places but there is always a way out of things that may seem impossible at times.

ASking for help can seem an impossible step. Especially if it is the first step of admitting how bad a problem has become. But I find that often once a problem has come out to the light, some of things that you were worrying about most no longer matter.

Hope you are ok.

I am on 40mg citalopram, and have been referred to the Community Mental Health Team by my son's social worker because he feels the last couple of years have had a profound affect on my mental health.

I am really trying, but the hardest thing is that when you need to be strong to make difficult choices, you are usually at your most vulnerable because of what life had dealt you.

The exercise is back under control and I have had brilliant support from my GP.

After some terrible times, I said I couldn't be in my marriage anymore, but found a 'suicde note' written by my H. He told my 6 YR OLD dd ''not to forget him'.

He says it is all my fault for rejecting him and that I criticise him too much. I didn't think I did. I mostly am pretty laid back and can't be bothered to get stressed about the small stuff. But I don't like the way he treats our DC's. And have started to challenge him about that. He keeps saying things that I can't get out of my head and then is sorry and cries about how much he loves me and won't ever give up trying to get me back.

I keep getting it implied that with my state of mind that that is the problem, not that the depression is caused by the environment at home. And that whatever has brought me to this decision it is MY fault if the marriage is over.

My son has had massive emotional problems with anger management issues and abandonment fear, but H threatens to simple disappear completely from our lives and the thought of the pain it would cause them chokes me.

I if I try to talk through the things that concern me I am told I am dragging things up...so they stay in my head. This is not arguing about domestic day to day stuff, but drink fuelled raging, telling me I obviously never loved him as much as he loved me. You know, poisonous outpourings that you want to forget, but fester in your head.

And I am a fairly quiet, life loving person with an absolute inabilitly to deal with confrontation, I snarl up inside and think maybe it is just me...

And I know I have to be strong and face things and be practical, and if it was up to me, he could just go and get out of my life and my head.

God, he sounds a selfish b*gger, TBW!

It's not you - I don't suppose he'd be keen on going to Relate or similar?
It must be very hard to find your own space just now, with everything pressing in like that but you have done really well to address your own health problems.
Would it be out of order to suggest that you are suffering emotional abuse here?

themit - this is a great thread to start - so sorry to hear about your son and your most recent post.

I often look on MN for the posts from women who have been through it and come out the other side - they help me to keep going and more importantly keep hoping that there is a happier life ahead.

It is too easy to carry on day to day accepting awful things that happen as normal, because they are normal to your own situation. but the nagging doubt that you know its not normal, that there are kind and loving people/men out there keeps coming up and reading the posts makes me remember what normal should be!!

so thanks for this, and like you I hate confrontation - i am rubbish at it, would do anything to avoid it and often think its my fault - but its not, and its not yours either.

So all you mn's who post positive advice, practical tips and inspiring stories - you really are gems. thanks.

I went on a thread adressing that marmoset, but there were some truly horrendous stories and I somehow felt like a fraud.

I have said before, it is like living with jekyll and hyde. With heartstopping highs and lows. But somewhere along the line, the highs just couldn't compensate for the lows anymore.

Having the man who is supposed to proect and cherish you roar that he is going to divorce you because you are 'not fucking right in the head' when you have dared to tell him of something he said that upset you is a hard one to erase.

He has always been jealous, and after I lost weight I said if I had the money I would contemplate breast enhancement. He was furious and said it must be because I was having an affair, he was incredibly angry.

Later it came up (by him) and when I put my point of view across he flipped.

So yes messymissy, the words of others is massively supportive, because finding your way when you are emotionally disorientated is very challenging.

Tell yourself you're worth it. Keep doing that until you believe it, it will happen honest. Until then live from one heartbeat to the next if that's what it takes, and always look forward not back.

Ugh, that all sounds really trite, like some self-help guru. It works though, or I wouldn't be here.

Wishing you strength

Mitsubishi, I am sorry you have to put up with all of this.

You have helped me recently and i wish you the power and strength to do what is best for you and your dc.

Very un MNy {{{}}}

I used to live with someone that liked a good drink, loved to hang around with different women even in my company. He left me, swore there was no-one else, I was left in debt and then had to remortgage my flat to buy him out. Our best friends, a couple we went out with every single week decided they were dumping me also in favour of him.

I found out years later from another friend, that my partner and the girl from this couple had an affair whilst we were still together.

Thankfully we didn't have children together.

I met my dh shortly afterwards and life has been far better since.

Thanks to all...and for the hug lr...[smile[

Warrioress - it is emotional abuse, and just because other people's stories may be worse, doesn't mean you're not deserving of help.

Not feeling deserving of anything good is pretty common among victims of abuse. Please go to the EA thread and post some more?

You don't deserve your H. He tells you you're mad, threatens to kill himself... It's a familiar story, and one that you can re-write for yourself and your DCs. Honest...

xx

I saw what you are doing with stars dread.....in whatever guise, you are an angel.

You can't see me but I'm sticking my tongue out at you.

Now get over to the EA thread and accept some support, dammit!

...back at you,

got to work now..but it as the top of my to do list.

...back at you,

got to work now..but it as the top of my to do list.

Warrioress - your post - "My poor DS (11) was pushed to the floor and kicked repeatedly by the folk he hangs around with, and in that strange way of kids, wants the approval of so much.". I really don't want to cause you pain, but I have to say that I wonder is the seeking approval from unworthy people something that DS is learning from you? And that if you draw your own personal line in the sand DS will eventually get a better idea of what we can and should expect from our friends and partners?

I'm sorry if that's harsh.

messymissy - have followed a couple of your threads without posting - how are things going?

It's cliched, but...

Nothing is forever...

It's okay saying you can choose to make changes or you can let them happen, but what are you supposed to do when you can't see what changes to make or how to do them.

You are at rock bottom because you are being abused by your husband. He is not allowing you to have your own opinions. He is blackmailing you into backing down each time you try to state your worries and views.

This is HIS problem,not yours or your children's. If you are not allowed to be a person in your own right and your husband says such terrible things in front of your children it is no wonder that you feel you are at rock bottom.

Has your H always been like this or is this a recent thing?

Oh and by the way....its not a competition you know.

Just because someone on another thread had a truly terrible time, doesn't mean that you are not having a terrible time too!

There will always be dreadful things happening that mean that you feel that your distress is not as important.

And small steps is the way forward.

All things shall pass

xxxxxx

I was at my rock bottom (which I also feel 'fraudish' about as it was nowhere near the hell a lot of you have been through, nowhere near at all), but I was in a bad way. Lots of people said 'the right things' and all I wanted to say was FUCK OFF (but didn't as I knew they meant well), but one more smile, it's not that bad/smell the roses/count your blessings/tomorrow will be better and I would have gone over the edge I was sitting on! My best friend in the whole world who is made of rock has always been there for me and always tried to do/say the right things, but it was something she said in passing that got me through it - she just said 'You are such a strong person, I can't believe how well you have coped with everything'... all I saw was a gibbering wreck, a shell of myself BUT what she saw was ME, the strong person who was actually coping, but didn't feel she could.... I think a large part of what helped me out of the black hole was knowing she knew I would be fine and to a lesser extent not wanting to let her down (her own life was no bed of roses)...

God, I am not sure that will make sense to anyone. I think the point I am trying to make is that there isn't a specific fix - it's something different for everyone, you just have to hang in there muttering 'this too shall pass, this too shall pass' until you find it - and you will.
x

hi the dreadpirate, thanks for asking.

things tough but quiet at the moment - i took advice and the last time he lost his temper i called the police and they took him away! I was sooooooo relieved. It took a lot to call them but I am glad I did, it took some of the fear away and it was reassuring that someone bigger stronger than him was out there and on my side! I had hoped it would make him realise that he is abusive but he is still in denial. Although he has not apologised at all, he has been more even tempered since then but I am not counting my chickens.

The police were fantastic and have called back twice to see if I am ok, and told me I could press charges for the previous assaults - did not know I could do this as I had not called them at the time - was too shocked and then in denial myself that I could let it happen to me.

Looking into alternative housing - got a few questions so will post a separate thread.

Chippingin - everyones 'hell' is different so dont feel fraudish.