To ask the good folk of MN, who have been to rock bottom, for whatever reason, to give those of us that are there at the moment some inspiration to keep going.

[TheMitsubishiWarrioress]

The title says it all..(long title sorry..)

Kind of what I said KM, I thought you were disagreeing with me.

Mitsubishi, how are you tonight?

After I posted I meant to say.....often what helped me was recognising I was at rock bottom and then applying a survival technique. It could be anything. For me (the first time I took PND) it was hiding. I didn't want to be with or near anyone. I recognised I was hideous and I got what I had to do done in the morning allowing me the afternoon to fall apart. I tried not to let my (then) DD1 see it but I would play with her and then pop into another room to fall apart or cry or just sit for a minute.

Later, when I recognised I didn't just have PND but I had full blown depression and had had it for years (I still shudder admitting that to myself let alone in words on this screen) I applied the same theory. Bad days I try/tried to get done the essential stuff and then maybe MN or snooze with my little ones.

Looking at old photos of when my first child was born really, really helped pick me up. It showed me that at that time I felt I was hopeless and despondent, truly worthless and hideous but that in actual fact the photos show happy people, a thriving first born, much loved daughter, a clean, tidy, organised home (even though it felt hideous). It was a small thing that I would resort to on the bad days.

In short, my advice is to try to find your survival technique and go into that every time things feel at their worst. A bit like in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy's family all head for the tornado shelter. Or during the war when the sirens went, everyone headed to the Anderson shelters.

Keep talking. Its the only constant and we will hold you up. I've been held up and I will hold you up now I am strong x.

VVV posted this a long time ago but I always kept it on my watched items for times like this, her writing in the OP sort of sums life up when you are visiting Rock Bottom Central. And it IS only a visit, I promise

frumpygrumpy - loved your post.

Mitsubishi The fact that you are looking for inspiration shows that you have hope. This is going to help with whatever you're currently dealing with.

Having touched the bottom of the swimming pool myself & pushed back up again a few times, I find that the best thing is to be gentle with yourself. Don't just lower your expectations - have NO expectations of yourself. If you start to blame yourself or fight with yourself, it drags you even further down. Notice how you are feeling without judging it or trying to "force yourself" to feel differently.

Remember at this time too that your body is, basically, a machine, and your brain needs adequate sleep, food and rest to deal with things well. I don't mean imposing some health regime on yourself, but try and eat & drink reasonably, rest well, make an effort to be washed & brushed (if not actually dressed). Try and return life to these simple basics for now and don't expect anything more of yourself.

I could go on forever but I also know that very hard times can play havoc with concentration! So I'll wish you well, assure you that you're not alone and leave it at that for now.

Nothing is permanent, happiness, sadness, misery, they all shift and move on someplace else eventually

So trite I know but when I was down on the floor, I kept repeating 'its always darkest before dawn' to myself and and I cant believe I am telling anyone this I listened to this over and over again, I DO NOT know why it made me feel better it just did

how embarrasing

I will never go back to where I have been either.. as said before small steps.. be kind to yourself. and one day you will look back on it.. and just think " that's wasn't such a good time".
as I've said before.. act the part you want to play.. as soon you won't need to act.
just get up every morning do the doings and do something a little nice foryourself. even smiling in the ,mirror at yourself.

My mum told me recently that when things were at their worst (recently widowed, on her own with me at 15 months when she was in her early 20's) that whenever things got really dark she just told herself to keep going through the next 5 minutes and not worry about what came after that. I think sometimes she spent whole days doing it. It makes me view her in a whole new light and wish I could go back in time and help her through those times. Maybe your dc(s) will feel the same one day?

It inspires me whenever I'm struggling, although my days are never anything like as dark as hers were.

She's a very happy retiree these days and proud mum to me and my younger brother, and proud grandma to my dd - i think she would say it was all worthwhile!....

tomorrows another day....and it WILL be better

Take each day as it comes. Try to do something positive, or feel happy today - promise yourself that you can cry/be miserable tomorrow.
Practise smiling - force your face into a smile. It really does make you feel a bit better.

Name changed for this.

Keep going it really is worth it. I know it can feel terrible and numbing and dark and unending.

At the age of 17 I was raped, got pregnant and lost my little girl at 38 weeks. I somehow got through A' Levels and a degree but went through episodes of very severe depression and even spent 10 solid weeks in bed at one point. I left uni at 21 convinced there was nothing worth living for but my friends worked hard to convince me otherwise. At 23 with the help of a friend I found a job I loved, at 24 I found a man I love, at 28 I was promoted beyond my wildest expectations, at 30 I was pregnant.

I am now 33 with a beautiful 3 year old daughter, a man I love and who loves me and a job I could never have dreamed of.

So however rotton it feels please just hang on in there, it may be days, months or even years but you will look back on this time (whatever is happening to you) and be glad you didn't give in.

I used to write when I felt bad. Poetry, prose anything really. Wrote this on a really bad day (its terrible so don't laugh!)

The Turning

There's the turning - far up ahead
Look can you see it bathed in the light?
Here are your feelings of dread
Here is the pain, there is the shame,
Behind it is rough, in front there is gravel
The memories all around, the turning in the light
I know this is a horrid road to travel

You look back at the mist -
The darkness, the clouds -
The hiss of his breath,
The screaming, the grief
The place you gave in -
and then fought again,
The false hopes and the hurt
The end always beckoning,
Yet the darkness never ending.

But always a future has been in sight
There is the turning, there is the light
It is the lure that keeps you running,
The promise that keeps you in the fight.
Coming slowly nearer - the turning, the light.

I've been at rock bottom for so long I don't bother looking up any more.

Thepastisanothercountry.
That was incredibly moving. Especially when in context with what you have shared with us all.

I know when things get me really down I just sit still for 5mins and snuggle with whichever child happens past me at the right time.
I look out of the window and take the time to notice a bird making a nest or a spider weaving a web.
It slows everything down and give my brain time to stop spinning out of control.

Over, please dont give up hope. I was at rock bottom for around 10 years, and thought it would last for ever, but it didnt - things did change. I hope they change soon for you.

Thanks. I think it is just a protective thing. If I don't have any hope I can never be disappointed, so I can concentrate on just getting through each day. I'm not depressed, I've just come to accept that I'm not going to have the life I originally thought I would.

Your poem was very moving thepastisanothercountry.

I am trying to think what to write. I want to help but its so hard to sort out the words.
You can survive, you should survive, you deserve to survive.
Once you realise you can survive you can begin to work on living.
Take pleasure in the tiny things.
Congratulate yourself for every small step you take. If you manage to get out of bed - well done, if you manage to wash your hair - well done.
If you do anything that seems difficult - WELL DONE.

It will not always be this bad. It may be this bad again one day but not everyday.

If I had known what was going to happen to me and those I love the best in the last ten years, I would have given up to spare myself the pain. But I am still here and although I will never be the same I can still smile and laugh and see the light.

The light sometimes flickers and occasionally goes out but I know that I will be able to see it again and I hold on to that.

I hope that did not sound like a pile of tosh. Its hard to put this stuff into sensible words.

From someone who lost her first DH to cancer at 24, had three miscrriages and a fertility problem plus numerous other things I can say the lows make you appreciate the highs.

My motto for parenting is the same as for life: this too will pass

My prescription is to read Desiderata by Max Ehrmann daily

I take a certain weird sadistic pleasure from surviving and thriving against all the shit I've been through in life. Like, the more hideous things are, the more it makes me grit my teeth and dig in.

Which I'm glad about, because life really is worth living.

I'm awed at some of the stuff here...very moving.

Why did I cry at Sherbys song!?

What a light weight I am!!

Haven't had a chance to catch up yet, but thank-you.....really really thank-you.

wow frumpy your link has made me sob

I am in a place I nevet imagined I would find myself. I have posted under other names, different bits of what has happened, and if I post about the most recent thing, I know what I would say to someone in my position.

But I am too ashamed too post, although it is not something I did personally.

And then in all the pain and mess and confusion, I discovered that on sunday night, My poor DS (11) was pushed to the floor and kicked repeatedly by the folk he hangs around with, and in that strange way of kids, wants the approval of so much. It makes me feel violently sick to think of it happening.

My marriage is a nightmare; I am trapped financially; although improving I have had health issues which I can now admit were bought on by an exercise addiction, as a result of trying to deal with spiralling depression.

I am so, so sorry Over, it breaks my heart to think that is how you survive, but do see where you are coming from.

I very much appreciate the little things in life. and agree that MN is remarkable in it's, or the member's unique ability to rally round and support each other.

And then there are the days when I think maybe it is just life and I am not stable enough to cope with what it throws at me.

But I breathe the air, and keep walking the earth and hope beyond hope, that this will someday be a memory and I can enjoy something that is as close to a normal life as anyone is entitled to......