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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Daughter left in car by partner to go shopping has made me angry

41 replies

spacecat · 21/04/2009 23:07

My partner left our 3 year old daughter on her own in the car while he went to the shop to get food. He said he was only gone for 5 minutes, she was happy to be left, she was strapped in her car seat and the car was locked. Am I being unreasonable to tell him not to do it in future? He is refusing as says it is perfectly safe. Opinions welcomed as not sure if I am being nerotic mum or not.

OP posts:

Shitemum · 21/04/2009 23:08

I wouldn't do it. Cars can spontaneously combust, brakes can fail...something could happen to your DP...

cazboldy · 21/04/2009 23:08

You have to ask...........

Shitemum · 21/04/2009 23:09

Mind you, our mum used to leave us in the car for short periods of time...and we're all still here

Bleatblurt · 21/04/2009 23:09

My DH did something similar with my DS1(4.5) today. DS was asleep so DH went in and got some shopping. Must have been gone 20 minutes easily.

DH is lucky he still has his testicles tonight. He just cannot see what is wrong with his behaviour.

I've said someone could have called the police or broken a window to get DS out and they'd be in the right.

So YANBU but I have no advice, I need some myself.

Claire2009 · 21/04/2009 23:09

YANBU.
Thats bad, I wouldn't do it ever...

OddHair · 21/04/2009 23:10

I wouldn't leave one of mine on their own but I sometimes leave all 3 of mine (8, 6 and just turned 2) in the car for 5 mins while I sprint into Tesco.
Wouldn't have left one solitary 3 year old though.

bosch · 21/04/2009 23:10

hmm, too long and too young.

I leave mine for less than that but they are 2, 5 and 7 and can (between them) get out of (unlocked) car in emergency and older two know not to get out for any other reason.

Sort of thing that looks safe when you walk away but doesn't look that good if you come (i mean he came) back to the car and she's distressed for any reason...

Rindercella · 21/04/2009 23:13

Well, it's not perfectly safe is it? Anything could happen - car stolen, burst into flames, driven into by some cretin. Unlikely, but still not worth the risk imo. Am amazed though at how many people choose to take this risk (including the mad woman I saw at Cherwell services on the M40 a few months ago who left her toddler & baby alone in the car for a good 10 minutes. Tis a big regret of mine that I did not have the balls to say anything to her - I waited by the car until she got back. I would now )

Friendlypizzaeater · 21/04/2009 23:13

Hmm - SS are involved here now -baby in car

MoominMymbleandMy · 21/04/2009 23:14

YANBU I think that is dreadful.

BitOfFun · 21/04/2009 23:14

If you are parked right outside and in view, ok, I reckon. Otherwise no- I'd worry they'd get out or mess with the ciggie lighter...

Bleatblurt · 21/04/2009 23:16

Friendlypizzaeater, thanks for posting that link. I've just read it to my DH and he's gone all silent and pondering now.

Shitemum · 21/04/2009 23:17

From the article Friendly linked to:

"A spokeswoman for the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children told the Examiner yesterday that the charity was unable to comment on individual cases.

However, she provided the following advice on leaving children in cars.

Always keep you child with you, wherever possible.

If you decide it?s safe to leave your child in the car always keep them within your sight and never leave them for more than a couple of minutes.

Never leave a child in the car if you can possibly avoid doing so.

Always keep the car well ventilated.

Always keep children fastened in their car seats.

Never leave the key in the car or the doors unlocked.

Always park safely and legally.

Never expect young children to look after baby brothers and sisters.

Temperatures inside a car can become extreme more quickly than expected, whether it is very cold weather or very hot weather in the summer."

KerryMumbles · 21/04/2009 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheYearOfTheCat · 21/04/2009 23:17

There are many, many threads on this subject. TBH, from what your DH says, I would have been happy to have left my DC in these circumstances.

What exactly is it you are concerned about? Your child becoming distressed? (only you can judge if this was likely). Being abducted? (pretty unlikely, especially if in locked car, busy car park). Other things?

I'm fairly relaxed about this issue, but I know that both my DC are really placid, and wouldn't be bothered in the slightest if they woke up in the car.

Original poster

spacecat · 21/04/2009 23:19

I know what you mean about the distressed thing. I pointed out that she could be happy when he left, but something could spook/upset her while he was away. He left her in the car while he paid for fuel the other day, which I thought was fine, until I found out he left the keys in the car and she locked herself in. He had to spend loads of time trying to explain to her how to wind down the window, so he could get back in, with a load of people waiting behind him to get fuel - you would have thought he may have learnt.

OP posts:

Plonker · 21/04/2009 23:19

YA totally NBU

I started a thread about this earlier in the week. It is irresponsible and downright dangerous!

I would be furious!!

beanieb · 21/04/2009 23:21

Leave him!

serenity · 21/04/2009 23:22

I wouldn't have left a 3YO no. Not for any of the once in million, really unlikely to happen risks, but just because at the that age, even if they say they're happy, doesn't mean they will be. A child that age can't anticipate how they're going to feel once the adult has gone, and they're not responsible enough to be left in charge of themselves (if you get what I mean)

I'm happy to leave my DSs (8 and 11) on their own in the car, and have just started to let Dd (5) stay with them if I'm really going to be 5/10 minutes, but I'd never leave her on her own.

TheYearOfTheCat · 21/04/2009 23:23

Well, I have to say leaving the keys in the car is pretty stupid. But then my DD aged 3 locked me out of the house last year, and I had to spend a while shouting instructions through the window on how to open the front door, so it can happen to the best of us.

Original poster

spacecat · 21/04/2009 23:33

to the year of the cat
guess what I was worried about was that he couldn't see her from the shop and am worried that she may have got upset/distressed/found something to choke on in the car and basically that noone was watching out for her. I reckon from the amount of shopping he brought back that 5 mins was also a conservative estimate of the time he was away. Maybe I need to chill out a bit. Am pregnant at the mo and so think this might be making me feel more sensitive than usual?

OP posts:

Original poster

spacecat · 21/04/2009 23:45

Forget what I just said about maybe needing to chill out a bit. I am still really upset with him. There was absolutely no reason why he had to leave her on her own - she wasn't even asleep or anything. It turns out he regularly leaves her in teh car on her own, asking her each time if she wants to stay in the car, or come to the shop/whereever with him. I have asked him to not do it in future but he has refused. Not sure what to do now.

OP posts:

picmaestress · 21/04/2009 23:49

My mum was friends with a lady who left her 4 year old sleeping in her car, in her drive.
He wriggled out of his seat, got tangled up in one of the adult seatbelts and died. She'd only left him for a few minutes.

This was thirty years ago, so am presuming safety seats are more secure now, but I wouldn't risk it. I would imagine that's why the NSPCC put guidelines such as this in place.

Poppity · 21/04/2009 23:57

No no no! You don't need to chill out, it's just lazy leaving a child in the car when you are going far enough to be out of sight. Why put a child at risk for that? What other reason is there apart from 'can't be bothered' not to take your child with you?
Ok, the individual risks may be small- I don't know the statistics, but the consequences could be extreme. Weighing that up against the trouble it takes just to take them with you is a no brainer for me.
Sorry to rant, there's been a few of these threads on here recently, and they have left me stunned tbh. I didn't realise so many people were so careless carefree with their children. (I know I'll get roasted for that)

Rindercella · 22/04/2009 00:06

I read the following comment on a thread about this the other day (I am paraphrasing as I can't remember exactly)..."if you had a few thousand pounds in cash, would you leave that in full view unattended in your car?" I bet I can predict your DH's response to that! So why would he leave your DD?

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