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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Daughter left in car by partner to go shopping has made me angry

41 replies

spacecat · 21/04/2009 23:07

My partner left our 3 year old daughter on her own in the car while he went to the shop to get food. He said he was only gone for 5 minutes, she was happy to be left, she was strapped in her car seat and the car was locked. Am I being unreasonable to tell him not to do it in future? He is refusing as says it is perfectly safe. Opinions welcomed as not sure if I am being nerotic mum or not.

OP posts:

Poppity · 22/04/2009 00:07

Ava's Rule

Friendlypizzaeater · 22/04/2009 00:20

Thats awful, poor people

Gillyan · 22/04/2009 00:38

YANBU

MeMySonAndI · 22/04/2009 01:09

I have a cousin who was left in the car when she was about 6. THe car was parked on a hill, she started playing with the handbrake and went down the hill, and crashed against a wall. She was fine, surprisingly as she was not wearing a seatbelt, despite the car and wall being ruined.

I met a man, who many years later, turned on his car in his driveway, and left it like that while he went back to the house to pick up something he had forgotten. His 3 year old got into the car, started playing with the controls. The car hardly move but that was enough to get his 1 year old daughter under the wheels.

I was left in the car with my sisters for long periods (once for 4 hours), sometimes under a terrible heat. And nothing happened to me.... I wouldn't use this as an argument... I was just very lucky that nothing happened!

steviesgirl · 22/04/2009 01:26

MeMySonAndI, left in the car for 4 hours! That's terrible. There is no way I would relax leaving my dd for more than a few minutes out of sight, let alone that long. That's just neglect of your parent/s part.

MeMySonAndI · 22/04/2009 15:36

It is a long story... to her slight credit, there was a birth involved...

Tryharder · 22/04/2009 15:48

There was once a clip on " World's Greatest Videos" where a man stopped to get petrol at a garage, left his kids in the car when he went in to pay.. While he was paying, a maniac in another car drove into the petrol pump which exploded and his car caught fire with the kids in it...

Luckily someone rescued his kids but ever since watching that video, I take both my kids out the car whenever I pay for petrol.

MuffinBaker · 22/04/2009 16:06

YKW? You don't like it. He should accept it and you should have faith in yourself that you don't have toi ask complete strangers how to keep your child safe.

Of course she would be happy to be left. She is 3 and would see it as an adventure.

Original poster

spacecat · 22/04/2009 16:30

You are completely right muffinbaker. I am going to stick to my guns on this one.

OP posts:

babbi · 22/04/2009 19:45

My dad left me and my two brothers for "2 mins" in the car alone while he nipped into the shop for a newspaper . Whilst he was in the shop the handbrake gave way and the car started rolling backwards towards a very busy main road. None of us were in car seats (mid 70`s ) , had it not been for a passerby jumping into the car and pressing the footbrake the consequences could have been tragic.
Never worth the risk imho.

TheYearOfTheCat · 23/04/2009 23:42

Spacecat, I know I have a relaxed attitude to this as far as my own children are concerned, but it is something that both me & my DH have discussed and agreed on. There are circumstances I would be happy with it, and those where I wouldn't, and it is based on an assessment of the circumstances and risks at the time.

Your DH may have a different attitude to you, but I think that given you are unhappy with the situation, he should respect your wishes.

I had a hideous incident when I was 38 weeks pregnant and I was accosted by a man who screamed at me and almost assaulted me for leaving my DD in the car for 2 mins, within my sight at all times. She was safe and happy, but the guy was a bully. I know absolutely that my actions were reasonable and safe at the time - I physically couldn't handle my DD at the time, and had to consider my own & the baby's safety. This guy was a nut job, and was basically using the child protection card as a way of bullying who he perceived as a vulnerable female target. Boy was he wrong. As a result I am probably a tad militant about the right of parents to sensibly risk assess situations as they arise. However, I reiterate, this is something you should both be comfortable with, and if not, you DH should respect your wishes.

Sassybeast · 24/04/2009 09:41

Topical for me at the minute - last weekend witnessed an elderly man reverse STRAIGHT into another parked car outside Tesco Express. There was a toddler in the parked car, alone who was HYSTERICAL by the time his mum eventually came out of the shop to see what was going on. Obviously by that stage the car was surrounded by concerned strangers which was probably freaking him out even more but the little one was hyperventilating by the time he was out and they had to call an ambulance. I have left mine outside our local shop before now - the eldest is 7 but after seeing that, I'll give myself my extra bit of hassle and take them with me every time.

wolfear · 24/04/2009 09:54

YANBU - anything could happen. There's some freaks out there!

rasputin · 24/04/2009 10:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigBellasBeerBelly · 24/04/2009 10:11

I always leave my DD in the car when paying for petrol, I lock the car, it can take 5 mins to queue. I can't necessarily see the car for every second, eg when i am walking away from it or actually doing the paying.

I see nothing wrong with this.

The money analogy isn't quite right either - many many people would go out of their way to take a few thousand pounds left in open view. People who were usually honest. Very very very few people would want to take a baby - I mean negligible. Most car thieves would target a different car as well.

In the case linked to it was very very hot which was why they broke in, and the child had been there for 40 mins which is very different to 5.

Obviously what people do is up to them, and the OPs DH should listen to her views, but for me, I would do it and have.

OrmIrian · 24/04/2009 10:16

I'd prefer to be able to see the car from the shop and I'd lock the car and take the keys with me, but apart from that I'd not have a problem. But I would only do it with DCs who weren't going to get upset if they woke up and found me gone. Which mine wouldn't.

I also have to say that I don't think it's right to be 'furious' with the father of your DCs when he makes a judgement call that doesn't coincide with your own. Who says that you are the only one with a valid opinion? If you think he is wrong, by all means point it out to him and then you can have a discussion, but don't get angry.

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