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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be feeling a bit jealous

42 replies

yipeeforthesun · 21/04/2009 12:32

My dh is great and a very hands on dad with our DD, I'm expecting out next baby in the summer and we are really excited about that. We have a nice home but which is going to be too small when we have the next one so we have are going to sell this it and buy another. It just seems that my friends are all doing this same as a few are expecting there next babies too but it all seems so damn easy for them. They are trading up and buying big houses and it all seems so perfect. They know, and can afford the area they want to move to and all they have to do is find a house they like. Where as we can't afford to put any more money into a house so will have to only spend what we get for this one, therefore have to move to a new area not because it's all lovely and that's where we want to be but because that will be all we can afford. I'm worried about moving to a new area where I won't know anyone whilst having a new born and a very lively toddler. So all in all I am just feeling very jealous of my friends who all seem to be having a great time buying big houses near there other friends and getting excited about how perfect it all will be. Just can't face another phone call where one of them tells me how great it will be to be living near so and so and how amazing the new house is etc etc etc....

OP posts:
deanychip · 21/04/2009 12:39

Im very jealous of you!
You are expecting a new baby in the summer and have a gorgeous toddler.

I am having my 4th miscarriage.
You to me, have the perfect set up and i would love to have what you have.

Try no to lose perspective, you do the best that you can with the resources that you have. You are by no means inferior or lesser in any way.

Count you blessings, becuase to me, you truly are very very lucky.

knickers0nmahead · 21/04/2009 12:40

Be grateful that you can move at all.

georgiemum · 21/04/2009 12:40

Focus on what you have now. Life is not really made better or worse by what you can buy - Ok it helps but would you really want every possible luxury but no child/abusive husband?

I know that the green eyed monster can get control sometimes but keep positive about what you have. I am sure there are loads of people who envy you!

boardergirl · 21/04/2009 12:46

I feel a bit jealous too when I think of how most of my friend have much bigger houses than ours but it's their good luck really isn't it?

I am in a similar positition to you except we can't afford to move at all at the moment! I have 2 DCs(3 and 18mth) and am pg with no.3 at the moment. We live in an ok sized 2 bed flat and my DD and DS share a bedroom. They love sharing and are really close so I'm glad we had no choice. DC3 will need to be in with us for a while then probably all 3 will need to share until we can afford a 3 bed house.

My point is do you really need to move? We manage ok it is a bit of a squish but kids don't care they don't know any different. I really love the area we live in and the short walk I'll have in Sept to school.

Personally I think liking the area you live in is more important than a bigger house.

ForeverOptimistic · 21/04/2009 12:51

I can see where you are coming from but I agree with deanychip you have to count your blessings. I live in the teeniest house and I have yet to meet a family living in anything anywhere near as small as our humble abode. We are ttc no2 and people are forever asking when we are planning on moving and I keep getting looks when I say that we can't afford to.

We don't want to buy a bigger house in a cheaper area because we like where we are and ds is settled, we have no room whatsoever to extend so we are having to be very inventive with the space that we have. We have a postage stamp garden which is too small to be of any real use so we have decided to convert the shed into a playhouse and we are building a slide so you can slide out of the kitchen across to the playhouse and there will be room for a sandpit underneath. Our loft is too small to convert into a proper room but it is big enough for a child so we will build a child size bed and shelving up there so ds can have his own tiny room in the attic.

Our house will look crazy and we are adding no value whatsoever but it will be a "fun" house for kids. I'm fed up of feeling jealous of other peoples homes, in this economic climate I just feel grateful that we are up to date with our mortgage payments (touch wood) and have somewhere to call home!

Lizzylou · 21/04/2009 12:52

There are always people better off than you and always people worse, I know it's hard but try and see it as a new challenge.
We moved when DS1 was 1 years old and the next year had DS2, we moved area as we could afford a bigger house here and I was soo worried.
It was without doubt the best thing that ever happened for us, we have loads of new friends now, Children are a great prop to make new friends.
I am so pleased that we moved, hope it all works out for you

VinegarTitsThePorker · 21/04/2009 12:54

I am a lone parent who cannot afford to buy a house at all let alone sell up for a bigger place, not looking for sympathy, my point is, there are always folk worse off than yourself, count your blessings and make the most of what you have, concentrate on finding the best home for your money and making it lovely for your family, dont dwell on what other people do and dont have

IneedAbetterNickname · 21/04/2009 12:54

YANBU to feel jealous, it's an emotion that we just can't control! However like others have said, be grateful for what you have, and that you can afford your own house at all! I would love to know I was secure in a house I own!

I currently have 4 weeks left in my rented accomdation as my landlady is expecting, and moving home from Spain. Rent's here are so expensive we can't afford to live anywhere without help from HB, but all the houses I have enquired about are either still too expensive, or won't accept the HB. The council said that I will get emergency accomodation, but not until I am homless, ie that day. The emergency accomadation my council provide is 20miles away, I don't drive, have a child at school, and schools here don't allow you to register a child when you are in temporary accomodation. therefore i would have to get a train to school in the mornings, hang around somewhere all day, then get a train home again!
Is your house that much too small that you have to move? Or could you manage?

Pawslikepaddington · 21/04/2009 12:56

Be glad that you have a house, a husband, a toddler and a baby on the way. One of my friends was in hurricane Katrina, her beautiful house was obliterated, and she is still rebuilding her life now, another was killed in the Tsunami-they make me feel grateful every day that I have my health, my dd and a stable environment-it's only bricks and mortar.

gardeningmum05 · 21/04/2009 13:00

stop feeling sorry for yourself and count your blessings. believe me, there are an awful lot of people out there that have had a shit time and carried on.
your life sounds idylic to me, be grateful that life hasnt treated you badly

sleeplessinstretford · 21/04/2009 13:02

jesus, i bet you are glad you posted now!
this is reminiscent of the monty python sketch...
i used to be loaded as a single mum,now we're skint. My house is full,it's in an ok area but you know what? it's full of people that i love and is our home-if darling heart doesn't get a better job/i don't get one and the mortgage rate increases either we'll end up having to sell our house and live fuck knows where or bankrupt ourselves.
In the grand scheme of things it's not such a biggie-if it goes tits up-pick yourself up,you dust yourself down and start all over again.
count your blessings and enjoy your new baby

troutpout · 21/04/2009 13:10

yanbu
It's normal to feel like that sometimes
Hope you find a house you like and that it all goes smoothly with the new baby

MuffinBaker · 21/04/2009 13:11

Other people wanting what you have doesn't make you feel any better.

Try and be pleased for them while making plans for your new baby and your new future.

JustCallMeGoat · 21/04/2009 13:12

i eat gravel and live in a shoe, you lucky lucky barsteward!

ForeverOptimistic · 21/04/2009 13:15

Well think yourself lucky Goat, some people don't have a shoe to call their own! My sil lives in a trainer sock and she has 888 children to feed!

troutpout · 21/04/2009 13:18

yanbu
It's normal to feel like that sometimes
Hope you find a house you like and that it all goes smoothly with the new baby

OrmIrian · 21/04/2009 13:18

Me too! But I've felt like this for ages and TBH we probably could afford to move but we're not prepared to do without other things to finance it, and don't want the worry of a bigger mortgage either.

Do you really have to move? We have 2 boys in one room atm. Not ideal but it's OK.

sleeplessinstretford · 21/04/2009 13:20

oh,and re house sizes-my mum and dad had 6 kids in a 3 bedroom semi...and they had the biggest bedroom-go figure!
my sisters kids share rooms as they like it- i would like to have another child and if i did regardless of sex i assume it would sleep in clara's room see user name-she has no use for her bedroom or cot

FelineFine · 21/04/2009 13:22

Oh me too.

I just tell myself to get over it, this works well sometimes but now and then, yes I feel jealous.

Especially when the person also said "oh you stay there do you?, it's a bit... busy".

Busy, busy wtf?

Oh sorry there I go again...........

GypsyMoth · 21/04/2009 13:22

I have 5 DC in a small 3 bed semi......too much keeping up with the jones's going on!! Be thankfull, make the best of what you've got.

kalo12 · 21/04/2009 13:24

are you sure you have to move/ I moved to a new area to have a bigger house for my baby, but i didn't like it and am now renting in my nice old area, realising that small families all want to live closely together with not much space. you will have the new baby in with you for a while, then could they share till they're about 8?

Original poster
yipeeforthesun · 21/04/2009 15:06

I know you are all right and I should be very grateful for what I have got. I feel a bit like a spoilt brat for even having these thoughts but sometimes, like today, it just gets on top of me and I feel really jealous, which is a horrible thing to be about your friends. We do have to move in the end as our house really isn't big enough, I'm sure I will settle into a new area and hopefully make new baby friends, I just wish it was so straight forward as it seems to be for my friends at the moment. I just find it really demoralising having to be upbeat and excited about their new massive house when I want it to be me too! I'm fed up with them asking where we are going to move to and telling me about an area near by which they think is good value but then turns out to be way out of our price range...

OP posts:
dorisbonkers · 21/04/2009 15:12

Please don't feel too jealous. You don't hear their nightmares about moving -- you just hear the good bits!

I'm moving from Singapore luxury back to a teeny tiny flat in London's glittering Peckham in two weeks. With a baby. And no job.

I have no friends with babies back home (actually have no friends here either!)

Concentrate on your family and YOUR circumstances.

You don't actually need that much space with little children. People are obsessed with getting bigger houses but really, do they always need it?

anniemac · 21/04/2009 15:22

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sarah293 · 21/04/2009 15:32

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