to really dislike the term 'lazy parenting'?

[OrmIrian]

Mainly because it is so often aimed at parents who deal with their DCs in a similar way to me. I have a laissez-faire attitude - I freely admit that. We are quite relaxed on food, bedtimes, who they play with, where they go. But so far, I seem to have 3 well-behaved, considerate, lively, interested, independent DC who behave well in school.

My default response to 'can i have/do/go' is 'we'll see' or 'yes'. 'No' responses are few and far between. This means that my DC will argue the toss sometimes, but I think that's OK. If I have a good reason to say no I will give it and they have to suck it up. But I won't say no unless I can give an explanation. I know parents in rl who say no so consistently and firmly that their DC never ask for anything 'because Dad will say no'. Now I think that is very sad and, if there is such a thing 'lazy parenting'. To train your children to expect a negative response so they don't ask. How much easier can parenting be?

I have no problem with my DC arguing with me. I am the parent so I have the ultimate say so what is so bad about discussing it? It would make life easier not to have to, but why says parenting is easy?

I think that when people say 'lazy parenting' they really mean 'parenting different to mine'. I have 3 DC and in 12 years I haven't had the opportunity to be lazy. I don't know any parents who have TBH.

I have used this term before to describe smacking/other fascistic parenting behaviours

but I agree with what you say - parenting in a gentler and more creative way is actually harder work - much easier to just bark at them/slap them and say NO to everything.

the other terms I hate are "slack parenting" and "permissive parenting" for the same reasons.

Yes, those terms are interchangeable I guess.

i always think of lazy parenting as a nice way of saying - no parenting at all. certainly not the style of parenting you describe in the op, which is a distinct type of parenting.

It's the type of parenting that i use 50% of the time - even down to choosing your own punishments sometimes.

but i think i have this mixed with a victorian school mistress who most definately says no.

I never hear people talking about lazy parenting or any other sort of parenting, really. There seems to be a need to categorise everything into simplistic groupings which rarely have any merit or truth behind them.

It's like horoscopes. If someone told you you were an aries parent you'd say 'what a load of tosh'.

We all have our own weird ways

reality, my mum was the opposite. She thought I over stimulated the dds when they were little by doing too many things with them. She thought we should always just mooch about

You've never heard it pointy? On any thread about parenting I guess I've seen it at least once. But perhaps I'm looking for it now...

Reality - sorry to burst your bubble on the eating but if they eat anything that is put in front of them you are just VERY lucky!

I read recently (one mumsnet?) that not potty training your children till they were three because it's easier - which is exactly what I did - is lazy parenting.

I thought, oh, , guess I am a lazy parent.

My two older DCs didn't have a clue about potty training before then. I tried several times but concluded that they were not ready. But it may well have been that I was too lazy to keep washing the floor every hour, so gave up rather than persevering. I truly, at the time, thought I was flogging a dead horse and gave up rather than cause us all more stress.

Ah potty training! Now there's another minefield. My youngest 2 were in nappies until late. But when they stopped they managed straightaway with no hassle, few accidents and no stress. So yes, I guess it was lazy, but better for everyone. My eldest was trained at 2.5 and took ages to get totally clean and dry - clearly the opposite of lazy.

never heard it in RL but seen it loads on here.
I always assumed it meant the kind of parenting that is lazy, for example sitting your kids in front of the TV when you want to ignore them and giving them ready meals because you cant be bothered to cook ALL the time.
Most of us are like that for various reasons some of the time but parents who are like that consistently are what I'd call lazy parenting.

orm, I suppose because it doesn't mean anything much to me, if I did see the term it wouldn't register with me. Similar to you noticing it a lot because it's a temr that irritates you.

I think a lot of parenty things just whoosh over my head

I like 'Benign Parenting'

Potty training - it isn't lazy to leave it until they are ready. I left mine for as long as I could but with my first, the pressure started and I set off too soon (hindsight). With my second, I left it until she was nearly three and then booked her into nursery for a full week (she did two days normally) and got them to do it! They were all set up for it and had a room full of children all potty/toilet training. By day three, she had it sorted!

Following week, letter from nursery suggesting it to all the parents - book your child in for a week and we'll potty train etc. Brilliant!

i never hear it either, pointy. i'm all of the things you are, orm, and i don't think i'm lazy. dangerously cavalier is much better...

Orm - that isn't what I understand by lazy parenting (not that I've ever used the term). I think it's really a euphemism for neglectful parenting isn't it? The sort of parents who never give their children any boundaries, don't make them feel cared or loved and blame their school for all their problems.

You sound like you do consultative parenting - where your children are learning to make decisions and choices. Which sounds like a great way to parent to me

'Lazy' is a lazy word! It is meaningless and unhelpful. It implies 'can't be bothered' but any therapist (sorreee...!) will say that if you are avoiding something, not wanting to bother to do it then are are deeper issues involved.
Lazy parenting is an insulting phrase.
But maybe sometimes it is appropriate ..?

Yes it is a lazy word. It covers a multitude of sins that are not even sins in other people's eyes.

Thanks for all your responses.

I shall stop getting riles at references to 'lazy parenting' on MN as clearly they don't apply to me!

pointy and aitch - I refer you to the thread about 9 and 10 yr olds in the cinema alone! Prime example.

MIL looked at me as if I was mad when I suggested DS might not be potty trained by the time he's 3. I was suggesting leaving it until the spring / summer after next when he will have just turned 3. I don't see any point in pushing it before he's ready - he hates having his nappy changed so I've told him that the other alternative is to use the potty instead and he seems to understand but doesn't want to - fair enough!

That cinema thread is the sort I stop looking at after a while because it gets repetitive, doesn't it.

But it was turning into a tit for tat situation. Someone was basically being called a helicopter parent (or some similar sort of term) and in retaliation she came back with a 'lazy parent' remark.

Re potty training, you slackers. I got them out as quick as I could

I agree too. I also have a very relaxed parenting style when it comes to food, bedtimes, going out, etc. The only things I'm really hot on are manners, politeness, kindness to others, and so on.

My two DC are also well-behaved, kind and generally really good kids.

My sister, OTOH, seems to be constantly locked in battle with her DS over finishing his tea, being tucked up in bed by 7, etc, and will never let him get the better of her.

I'm sure she thinks I'm a soft touch, but I would not want to have her parenting style either (each to their own I guess).