to really dislike the term 'lazy parenting'?

[OrmIrian]

Mainly because it is so often aimed at parents who deal with their DCs in a similar way to me. I have a laissez-faire attitude - I freely admit that. We are quite relaxed on food, bedtimes, who they play with, where they go. But so far, I seem to have 3 well-behaved, considerate, lively, interested, independent DC who behave well in school.

My default response to 'can i have/do/go' is 'we'll see' or 'yes'. 'No' responses are few and far between. This means that my DC will argue the toss sometimes, but I think that's OK. If I have a good reason to say no I will give it and they have to suck it up. But I won't say no unless I can give an explanation. I know parents in rl who say no so consistently and firmly that their DC never ask for anything 'because Dad will say no'. Now I think that is very sad and, if there is such a thing 'lazy parenting'. To train your children to expect a negative response so they don't ask. How much easier can parenting be?

I have no problem with my DC arguing with me. I am the parent so I have the ultimate say so what is so bad about discussing it? It would make life easier not to have to, but why says parenting is easy?

I think that when people say 'lazy parenting' they really mean 'parenting different to mine'. I have 3 DC and in 12 years I haven't had the opportunity to be lazy. I don't know any parents who have TBH.

I use the term lazy parenting when I see it as it is a very good description, but I wouldn't use it to describe your personal example.

To me lazy parenting is to describe people who are lazy who happen to have had kids and are approaching parenthood in a really lazy fashion.

For example, sitting them in front of the TV all day instead of interacing with them. Feeding them whatever is most convenient (for every meal) rather than planning children's meals and thinking about the nutritional content.

Giving in to a child that is bawling their eyes out because you have told them thy can't have any sweets then giving in and letting them have them 2minlater when you can't stand the crying rather than distract them in the short-term and educate them in the long term.

I could go on but I think 3 examples is enough.

I don't believe in saying no for no reason or expecting a child to accept no just because I have said so.

I like to plan activities and weekends but you also have to allow for spontaneity and change as these are children not robots.

I shall continue to use the term lazy parenting but from your post I wouldn't describe you as a lazy parent.

My own preferred term for my style of parenting is "benign neglect" - but then, those that think it is "lazy parenting" would just pick up on the "neglect" bit of that defintion

Ds is 8 and we are now letting him walk to school on his own (10+ minute walk, inner city suburb). It teahces him independence and road awareness. We have been "training" him on this since he could walk - getting him to tell us when it was safe to cross. It would definitely have been quicker to make the decision for him (the number of times I have had to wait 5 minutes until ds decides it is "safe" - when we coul;d have crossed almost immediately ) - so it is not the "lazy" option!