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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at being banned from mil's work for breastfeeding there?

59 replies

AliceMumma · 20/04/2009 04:33

I have been visiting my Mother in law at her work (real estate agent) for 2 years now and just walk out the back to the office and have a cup of tea or she looks after my dd while i get groceries etc. None of the staff (5 women 1 man) get paid to be there, only if they sell a house they get commision.
I had my ds 11 weeks ago and brought him in to see her. She offered me a cuppa and told me to feed him, (i breastfeed) which i did.

A week or so later she told me the man complained to the boss and she told my MIL that i wasnt to be allowd past the front desk! (They are all really nice to me there and even gave presents when ds was born) I didnt think anyone minded and am kinda miffed that breasfeeding has offended someone! I wasnt leaping around the office with my boobs out, i was just sitting in the corner being discreet....

OP posts:
Thunderduck · 20/04/2009 11:54

Children and a workplace don't really mix, certainly not young children.

When I worked in an office, and over half of was so frustrating when our office manager brought her young daughters into work,and over half of the employees were related, and this wasn't occasionally, it could be often and for hours at a time.

They'd run up and down the corridors screaming,playing with things on your desk, squealing their heads off. How can anyone concentrate on their work with that going on? Even a normal level of noise for a child is very disrupting when you are trying to work.

I didn't think it was terribly fair either on the obviously bored children.

skramble · 20/04/2009 12:02

"Why shouldn't your MIL babysit for an hour or two at work while you go off to get groceries? "

Because she is at WORK, its called that for a reason, the bos actually expects you to work. The OP was leaving baby and going shopping, not as if it was an emergency situation where she was stuck, suprisingly we are child freindly enough to let babies into supermarkets and even clothes shops.

FGS get a grip, and don't be so self centred.

"None of the staff (5 women 1 man) get paid to be there" yes they do actually have to work on selling the houses while they are there, they houses don't sell themselves. {snort]. Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to treat their job like a little hobby. Don't think customers would have been to impressed either, if staff were to busy with a baby to deal with them either. Surely this was a wind up nobody is that bloody naive or down right daft to think this was OK.

jack99 · 20/04/2009 12:04

missjackson - small kids are a distraction at work, no getting away from it. I am not anti kids, I have 2 and they were both small once. But having them hang around an office for long periods really distracts people who are trying to work, as they DO cry, shout, grab things they shouldn't etc. Not fair to expect her MILs colleagues to put up with all that while trying to make important phone calls, concentrate on reports, etc.

And no problem with a MIL babysitting for a few hours in her own time but NOT when he is being paid to do a job!

Small kids (toddlers, babies) are NOT practical, safe or reasonable to be left for an hour or two. Sorry, but that is the reality.

wannaBe · 20/04/2009 12:06

older children are entirely different to younger ones. Also, there's a difference between bringing your own child to work and someone else dropping their child off at your work place for you to babysit.

SerendipitousHarlot · 20/04/2009 12:24

missjackson, you must be joking

It's a place of work, not a creche. I think the colleagues complained, and possibly MIL wasn't too happy about it either and didn't want to hurt OP's feelings.

I have 2 children, work full time, and wouldn't dream of bringing them into work.

Lulumama · 20/04/2009 12:25

missjackson, small children are a health and safety hazard in the work place ! and if you are being paid to do your job, stopping for a couple of hours to take care of grandchildren is totally unreasonable.

trying to MN with a small child around is hard enough, certainly could not work with them around. not to the best of my abilities or effectively anyway

Lulumama · 20/04/2009 12:26

am more amazed the OP thinks the staff in teh office are doing it on a voluntary basis!!

LadyFio · 20/04/2009 12:29

is now the right time to point out that at Mon 20-Apr-09 09:39:16 AliceMumma said:

"I told my mil that I wont come in any more and she keeps urging me to, but im not going to "

wombleprincess · 20/04/2009 12:29

yes i think YABU. it is an office, not a creche.

jack99 · 20/04/2009 12:33

Missjackson appears to have disappeared. As has OP. I think that says it all.

Lulumama · 20/04/2009 12:34

fair enough , fio..

Sassybeast · 20/04/2009 12:42

Agree that it's less to do with BF and more to do with using the office as a creche I Think. YABU.

bearhug · 20/04/2009 13:14

Quite appart from annoying colleagues, it is never a good idea to bring children of any age into a workplace. Employers are responsible for the H&S of all people in their buildings, but their risk assessments are not likely to include the risks to children. Children have come to harm in office buildings not designed with them in mind. Someone who is working cannot possibly adequately supervise a child at the same time.

BigBellasBeerBelly · 20/04/2009 13:17

Imagine going into the shops and all of the people who worked there brought all of their children in all day every day

Or ringing a call centre and getting someone's toddler.

Or going to the zoo and seeing the keepers children had wandered in with the gibbons.

Or having parliamentary debates with all the politicians kids climbing around everywhere!

On the days I work from home my DD goes to my mums. No-one but no-one can really work with a toddler around!

missjackson · 20/04/2009 17:28

I absolutely agree that no-one can work with a baby or toddler around - and I'm sure the OP's MIL is not even pretending to work whilst in charge of the child - but surely if it's just for an hour or so, occasionally, then shouldn't we encourage that kind of flexibility in the workplace? The kind of flexibility that makes life easier for us as women (or indeed men).

edam · 20/04/2009 17:32

parliamentary debates might well take a turn for the better if children were allowed in. At least the older ones might appreciate that name calling is not nice and just because someone isn't in your gang it's no reason to be nasty to them...

skinnymini · 20/04/2009 19:30

Missjackson - why would a grandmother need the flexibility to take time off work in the middle of the afternoon to babysit so her DIL can pop round the shops?

That's ridiculous! In what way does what the OP is doing allow for women to work? It's not even like she's babysitting while the DIL is at work.

BigBellasBeerBelly · 20/04/2009 19:42

Paid work is paid work and while you are paid you work. Irrelevant if it's working at home, or on commission, you still have to work...

If it's your own business it's up to you to divide your time, but otherwise...

The children (two not one) would have been disturbing the other people working there, so it's not just about the MIL, it's about the whole office not really being able to work...

My mother was an anaesthetist, should she have welcomed GCs into the operating theatre so I could go shopping?

rubyslippers · 20/04/2009 19:44

the breastfeeding didn't offend

the fact that you are intruding into an office and several peoples' working day has clearly become too much after 2 years

imagine if everyones' grandchildren and relatives came to visit

a quick pop in to say hello is lovely - anything more is not

adoannie · 20/04/2009 19:46

Is this a wind-up or has the OP never worked before having children? Of course they are fed up and trying not to be nastier than necessary so picking on something safely controversial.

skinnymini · 20/04/2009 19:48

I actually thought this was a troll post whe I read the first para about breezing into help herself to tea and how

"None of the staff (5 women 1 man) get paid to be there, only if they sell a house they get commision." Um - they have to be there to sell a house, and if they sell one they do get paid

Odd, odd thread.

skinnymini · 20/04/2009 19:49

x post ado!

Lulumama · 20/04/2009 19:57

missjackson, i am all for flexibility in the work place, to allow parents to work within shcool hours and term times, and not have to panic about taking time off for a sick child

that is a lot to different to a family member turning up ad hoc, expecting child care in the middle of teh working day, interrupting the flow of work, and other staff feeling obliged to be nice and sociable

jack99 · 20/04/2009 20:04

Skinny, I actually think the OP was a troll as her posts are so outrageous and she has now disappeared.

Sadly, I think Missjackson is for real!

BigBellasBeerBelly · 20/04/2009 20:10

In a way it is a lovely old fashioned idea that people work in places and ways that make a 2 hour break in the middle of the day to babysit a possibility.

In real life, many people work miles from home, no employer in their right mind would think this was OK, no employee in their right mind would think it was reasonable to ask.

It's got a kind of dated "women working for pin money so it's not a real job anyway" feel to it...

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