To expect my useless arse of a husband to do something without being told?

[nametaken]

Every single thing my dh has done this week-end he has only done because he was told by me to do it.

FFS we have 3 kids, he knows what has to be done every single day of their lives, day in day out, the oldest is 11 I'm really fucking fed up of him.

He has to be told everything, micro-managed, like he's another one of my fucking kids.

I asked him to put a fiver in a birthday card in an envelope and write on it and he wrote on the card, put it in the envelope, sealed it AND DIDN'T PUT THE FUCKING MONEY IN IT - because I wasn't supervising him, because oh my God I had to leave supervising him to go for a wee.

What the fuck am I gonna do. His dad is just the same. My MIL has to tell my FIL to have a shower.

What am I gonna do. I can't spend the rest of my life like this.

He's sitting opposite me now and I feel like knifing him.

OOOh me too!

3rd apology to NT for hijacking thread

< Are you Meg...whereabouts? we're TW ish>
Sorry/.....again

I empathasise with so many of the posts on this thread.
Sorry nametaken but I'm afraid he sounds very normal - life's a biatch.
I just assume that I'm going to do everything with a couple of exceptional "boy" jobs, eg cutting lawn, chopping logs and well that's it really. If I'm really pressed I'll write a list of jobs for him/DC to do - have family meeting - ask them to write their own list of jobs to do from the list (so that they hopefully might remember) and tell them that I'm struggling and need to rely on them to help - it usually works but then I don't do it too often - frankly its easier to do it myself.
Last year things got to a crisis and a couple of friends (in similar situation) and I got cheapy tickets and went away for a long weekend - it took some organising, a lot of lists, pre-cooked food in freezer etc but the feeling of release and freedom was liberating. Started a bit badly as DP and DC texted me everytime they had done something off their list (bless - they were proud of themselves!) but once I'd turned my phone off things got much more peaceful lol .
Having said all that, I am very very very fortunate that I am not a single mother and I do not have disabled/handicapped/ill DC and I appreciate that its not something that everyone can do.

I hate that little bot lost thing that some men do - such as being asked to cook, cue man looking all befuzzled in the kitchen.

Generally men are not witless incompetents (no, really)). I presume that the OP's husband works all week. He cannot be completely useless can he at his job otherwise he would get fired or all his colleagues would think he is the village idiot. So, if he is competent at work why can he not fathom out how to do simple tasks at home?

I think some men just completely bow out of home tasks, see that their wife is very organised and just play on the whole helpless and useless routine. It gives them the time and opportunity to watch telly/go and play golf/bugger off down the pub.

Bollocks to all this note writing/list making palaver. Men are adults funnily enough, they should be able to work it out themselves.

Before you think I am completely unsympathetic, i have been in a relationship with a completly useless idiot. 7 years I spent trying to change his ways - didn't work. I left him in the end.

My current DP just gets on with it. As they bloody well should.

I'm always posting this on these threaeds. Read it and weep. It was written nearly 40 years ago...

Megglevache - I PMSL at this because it is so true in so many cases:

"Please don't say he is a merchant banker..."

Please everyone remember that all the blokes that run their own company and otherwise have high powered business jobs usually have a female secretary that organise their lives. I watched many of these types of blokes at work and they are utterly useless there as well. Some treated their secretaries so absolutely appalingly that and I often wondered how they treated their wives.

[Of course many blokes with high powered jobs are not useless at home but it is such a common archetype]

I have just left my DH for pretty much this reason. I'm not saying I recommend it , but frankly I'd had enough of living with a selfish twat.
It just isn't on, it is pure laziness, and your DH knows it.

The really sad thing is, I really loved my DH, and he killed all of that love by just being a lazy slob, and refusing to change. I just can't have feelings for someone who can't be arsed to wear clean pants every day.

It's so sad, but frankly I just feel sorry for whoever gets to put up with him in the future.

I'm off to find a man who wears clean pants ;)

picmaestress, you can't change a man. if that's how he is then he'll never change, not even for a woman he marries. appears to be that you have made the right decision in the end.

picmaestress - well done. I loathe these threads. They wind me up no end because I believe that the women who start them are being taken advantage of. And sometimes yes, they get themselves into that situation, but that does not excuse the behaviour. Ever.

My parents have a relationship like this. Only it's my mother who sits around and does nothing and my father who manages everything. It's now the established basis of their relationship but sometimes he loses it entirely and while I have every sympathy with him, he was the one who let it get this way.

I have very little respect for my mother now. Which is something else to consider - how can children respect both their parents (especially in this day and age) when they see the relationship is not equal or fair?