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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone else get annoyed at people treating their dc as toys?

33 replies

stainesmassif · 19/04/2009 20:41

In a nutshell, friends' barbecue today, I felt I had to leave early as ds (4 months) was being pawed over and passed around in the manner of a very cute cabbage patch doll.

I hope i'm not being precious. I am happy to introduce him to lots of people, and have a cuddle with them as a rule. However, he was a bit grouchy today, and I kept explaining, but noone seemed to care! It was very much a case of 'gis a go on your baby'. Even as I was leaving, and explaining why, a family friend insisted on 'just one cuddle'.

Sure some will find me unreasonable, I just wanted a rant.

OP posts:
emkana · 19/04/2009 20:43

no you are not being unreasonable, I remember feeling that way when all my babies were young, but esp when I had my first. Otoh I see now that when you are past that baby stage your outlook on babies changes, so I see where the other people are coming from.

AnyFucker · 19/04/2009 20:44

YABU

babies are precious and shoud be shared

call me a chav, but when mine were little, I was more than happy to hand 'em over so I could enjoy my hotdog/burger/kebab/roll-up in peace for 5 minutes

Geepers · 19/04/2009 20:44

I'm probably guilty of using my daughter a bit like a toy. I dress her up in ridiculous outfits, and put silly things in her hair. I didn't ever get people desperate for a cuddle, I wish I did though.

AnyFucker · 19/04/2009 20:45

geepers, pass her over 'ere...

lou222 · 19/04/2009 20:46

yabu it's lovely that people want to hold him and make him and you feel special.
If you didn't want anyone to just say no he's not in a good mood rather than leave early - a bit extreme i think!

pointydog · 19/04/2009 20:48

It never entered my head that my dc were treated as toys. You got a baby, you offer to pass, that's just what we did.

If the baby started to cry or grump, they were only too happy to pass it back.

4andnotout · 19/04/2009 20:48

YABU
I am pleased when at a party if someone asks to cuddle one of my dd's, it gives my drinking arm a rest

salome64 · 19/04/2009 20:50

ah, "baby football". sigh. Miss it, to be honest, can't do it with an eight year old.

DuchessOfRubbish · 19/04/2009 20:51

I dont think YABU.. This happens to me constantly. Its the Grandmothers that do it for me - all it does is overstimulate DD (5 months), makes her irritated and sick (she cries til she boffs) and they refuse to hand her over to me as they want their 'Granny time' then when they go, I get all the emotional fallout (not sleeping, crying etc)

This is probably a deeper ishoo for me though as my Mother and MIL are both interfering and contolling women who have never given me and DD as much as a bit of breathing space since she was born.

pispirispis · 19/04/2009 20:53

When my pfb was that age and getting grumpy when held by lots of people I had to restrain myself from screaming "GET YOUR F**KING HANDS OFF MY BABY NOW!!!! But I think I was and you are BU. These ladies talking of arms having a rest are taking sense imo.

lockets · 19/04/2009 20:54

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SerendipitousHarlot · 19/04/2009 20:56

I love people taking mine off my hands like that. I have both hands free to skin up.

piscesmoon · 19/04/2009 20:57

I wouldn't call it being treated like toys-I think it is lovely.

littlelamb · 19/04/2009 20:58

I think it's a first baby thing. With dd I just wanted them to give her back. With ds everyone who asked got a cuddle There's a lovely waitress in our M and S cafe who had a good 10 minute hold when ds was less than a week old so I could actually drink my tea while it was hot. People like to hold teeny babies

ABetaDad · 19/04/2009 20:58

Me and my wife are guilty of treating a baby and a toddler that came to our house recently as 'toys' even though I have two DSs.

I think the parents were so tired they did not mind sharing for a bit.

francagoestohollywood · 19/04/2009 21:04

You are being a bit precious... but I love cuddling tiny babies, and I'm also quite good at cuddling them until they fall asleep.

Dillydaydreamer · 19/04/2009 21:05

YABU and it is a PFB thing with dd1 I was a strict GF girl and got really irate when people delayed her nap/milk/ got her overstimulated when she needed sleep. However, with dd2 I physically throw her at people whether they want her or not so I get a short break and she sleeps/eats whenever/where ever we are.

Bumperlicioso · 19/04/2009 21:23

YABU, but I do understand.

Give it a few months though and you'll be happy for the break for a few hours!

I think if they are grouchy it also depends on who is holding them. If it is someone good with kids who will genuinely try and calm them down fine, but if it is someone who just doesn't and is just making things worse you don't want DS to be upset.

Flibbertyjibbet · 19/04/2009 21:29

My ds's are 2 and 4 now.
So I grab other peoples teeny tots for a cuddle these days

Original poster
stainesmassif · 19/04/2009 21:32

Yes, as i suspected. I honestly don't normally mind handing him over, I do believe it's good to socialise him, but.....he was in a bad mood! Okay, I am being pfb, but he is my precious!!!

OP posts:
Noonki · 19/04/2009 21:35

YABU - just you wait. Mine all all toddlers now (and bigger) and I want to snuzzle a baby whenever I get within 10 feet of one.

apostrophe · 19/04/2009 21:38

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ABetaDad · 19/04/2009 21:49

apostrophe - too right!

We used to have a joke that we used to pull on older middle aged couples people who cooed over our babies in reastaurants etc. We just used to just say with a really serious look on our faces "would you like them for the afternoon - we will pay?"

Most made excuses and ran away with a look of horror on their faces.

Original poster
stainesmassif · 19/04/2009 21:52

Noonki, I definitely can empathise with broodiness- I'm already broody for nos 2 and 3!

OP posts:
TheBreastmilksOnMe · 19/04/2009 21:54

YANBU I hate it when peole want to constantly hold my DS I'm really protective of him and feel like saying 'grrr get off' when somebody wants to hold him. Ideally i feel that young babies should be close to their mums at all times and not passed around from person to person like a parcel. It's getting easier now that DS is 7mths old and is beginning to recognise familiar faces and enjoy the fun he has with his relatives but definately when he was younger I was very protective over him.