AIBU 'I feel sorry for you' for having multiple children. Well I feel sorry for you IN GENERAL YOU PATRONISING BUGGER!

[whomovedmychocolate]

Attention shop staff, particularly those of you who work in M&S. It is never helpful to say to a mum who is pushing a buggy with a baby and busy coping with a toddler in a backpack that you feel sorry for them.

Yes I am strong to be able to carry a toddler round, yes it is tiring, yes it does keep me fit. Any more questions? Any original questions at all? No, right I'll be on my way then

'You have a lot on your plate'. Well actually no I don't, I have a lot less on my plate than you apparently, which would explain the fact that my bum is quite small.

'Gosh you are a glutton for punishment aren't you?' No. Not really, I like my children. They are brilliant fun and I'm glad they don't just sit in stony silence, never asking questions or engaging in life. And frankly talking to them is a lot more mentally challenging than hearing about how 'my children walked everywhere' (yeah DD walks for about an hour a day but frankly I think it's a bit off to make a two year old walk that second hour if she's dog tired).

Honestly, I might be having a hard time, I might be having a brilliant time but one thing is for your it's no help to be pitied!

ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!

che

Off to bed now. Check back to your thread - my fish name will make you laugh!

Is it okay to say 'you've got a lot on your plate' at a buffet? Or maybe 'somebody's eyes are bigger than their stomach' would be less annoying?

screaming yes that is an incredibly odd interesting name . Bed for me too.

Merry Maybe only OK if you are carrying your children on a plate.

• but how else would you carry them, abdab?

Che ((hugs)) too.

jerin - that's mad for them to say that - like you CHOSE to have twins specially (unless you had IVF, of course, oops must remember not to make assumptions)

People DON'T think when they make comments.
Years ago I worked as an au pair for an Italian family, mostly looking after twin boys aged 20m (ahh!) Very different looking fraternal twins - I used to get stopped a lot in the park by the old grandmas who were keen to chat despite my abysmal Italian. It always went along the line of this:

• are they twins?
• yes
• are they yours?
• no
• one is much bigger than the other
• yes, isn't he
• does he eat more?
• no

etc. etc.

And then one memorable day:

• were they born in different places?

Their mum thought this was hysterical - as if halfway through labour she would upsticks and trot down to the next hospital along! [duh]

Really, some people just don't think.

i always found when I was looking harrassed and one or more of my four (had them in five years) was being miserable or whiney Igot the 'ooh poor you' It's empathy

When they were skipping along, being jolly and I had had time to look a little presentable, I got more positive comments

maybe you looked stressed?

Sorry but YABU. They are probably just trying to start conversation not be critical. You are probably looking too much into their comments.

I say this as a mum of 1 DS who has been told twice by two different GP's that 'You have a lot on your plate with him'. The honest answer, yes I do he is non stop but I love him all the same

369 is right.
All parents get this. People are just trying to engage with you

Um. Why should you be happy that people are trying to start a conversation, when maybe all you're trying to do is move through a shop as quickly as is practicable with children?

Are we really supposed to be so grateful for human contact that we'll put up with any flavour of impertinence?

I always give pitying looks to mothers with double buggies - the nightmare of pushing them round (often with three children in). I did it for the best part of four years. But, you know what, people making polite and sympathetic conversation don't upset me. Comments about my choice of contraception, on the other hand, do.

YABU, don't be so sensitive.

Oh a personal favourite of mine at the moment which I'm hearing frequently (expecting DC4) 'are you mad?'

very helpful! Especially when you're particularly terrified about how you will cope!!!!!!!!

course you will heinz

two weeks into it you will have forgotten what a piece of piss how three is

i think there is a bit of a negative attitude from some people though, as if having kids ruins your life & make you depressed.

yes, they can be hard work, but i prefer spending time with dd to a lot of other things, like having to work.

we recently moved to the US, and whether it's just the area, i don't know, but in general, people seem far more pro kids, accept the noise & mess they create, support the mums & just see children as a blessing. in fact, we're the only family with one kid i know - there are loads with 3, 4 or 5(some more), they're the norm around here.

i tend to get 'isn't she cute', 'that's a lvoely dress' type comments far more, in fact haven't had a single 'you've got a live one there' (which i have) which i had ALL the time in the UK, sometimes in less than 30 seconds.
dd IS very bouncy, but generally people smile & say something positive, even in gift shops with expensive stuff.

that is really interesting kickassangel

which part of the states are you in?

ps love your profile!

I get fantastic comments as my three have big big age gaps:

'ooh, aren't you brave'
'did you forget what it was like?'
'I bet the eldest one is a big help eh?'
'I bet you feel like they'll never leave home'
'you don't look old enough'

not brave at all - had first with first h, second two with current h.

No, I didn't forget, I wanted them.

No she fucking isn't actually, however, I did not have them to employ her as my nanny

Actually as they are now at the ages of nine and three, I am looking for suitable work and accomodation for them..

Ok, I don't mind the last one

etc..

yikes some of you are touchy about inane comments

so what someone passed comment and from this you presume

• derisory attitudes
• purposeful rudeness
• thoughtless

jesus wept.lighten up.being a parent makes you public property people do comment about most things

no sinister motives.
not out to get you

just part of life's chunter

scottish - loving 'chunter'

coolma those 'teenager being a great help' comments !

now they DO drive me nutty

i used to kind of nod but now i say 'help? help? You gotta be joking - therein lies the hard work !'

thumbwitch - your post about the twins made me laugh and cringe. I have namechanged because I am still so embarrassed that the lady concerned could be a mumsnetter.

I see a mum every day with what I assumed were twins. As they got older, however, I noticed that they were very different sizes, although the same sex, and looked completely different. Although I know this happens, for some reason I started to wonder if I had been mistaken in my assumption that they were twins.

So I started wondering, were they twins actually? Were they perhaps siblings only 9 months apart? No - because I remembered them when they were smaller.

So maybe only one was hers and she was childminding the other for a friend?

One day I happened to be walking along side her and said "Are they twins?"

"Yes" she replied.

Without thinking, I just went straight on to my next question; "Are they both yours?"

I did apologise for the ridiculous question and explain the train of thought that led me there, but it is clear she thinks I am a total loon.

And I see her every day on the school run.

BackOnMyWord - now you see, that's not offensive, it's just funny

Mind you it is a fair question, perhaps she is a nanny to twins, that happens.

Alternatively she thinks you are completely tonto and she may be right

BackOnmyWord, I cried laughing when I read that - DH had to ask what was so funny! As I said, sometimes we say the most inane things without meaning to offend in the slightest!