Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have shared with ExH's new GF something he told me?

45 replies

Paranoidornot · 18/04/2009 17:28

ExH and I have been split for nearly 3 years. I have been in new relationship for 2.5 years. ExH and I have a 4 year old DD.

ExH is crap when it comes to turning up for visits / phoning his DD etc, is very argumentative all the time and is basically a nightmare to deal with.

He has a new GF of about 3 months, she is 7 years younger than me and has a DD of 3. She seems pleasant but keeps butting in and telling me I'm wrong to be angry at ExH for not phoning / not turning up etc, and that she wishes I would "think of my child". TBH it hacks me off that this young girl is telling me how to parent, as far as I'm concerned I'm a very good mum and try to be the best I can possibly be.

But... she sent me an email was was lecturing me again (and going on about how wonderful my ExH is with her DD, hit a raw nerve as he's so crap with his real DD) so... I told her that my ExH said her DD 'was a bit thick'. Which he did. I still have the text.

But now I feel really mean

OP posts:
georgimama · 18/04/2009 17:29

Mean spirited and petty. Agree she sounds really annoying though.

everGreensleeves · 18/04/2009 17:30

I don't think it was your finest moment tbh - you're using a child as a weapon, which I think is quite crap.

I understand why you are frustrated though, it must be infuriating having this woman tell you to "think of your child". Patronising cow.

BUT YABU.

LuckySalem · 18/04/2009 17:30

Can understand why you did it but I wouldn't have. I'd have told her to bog off but not gone as far as that.

Be perpared for some backlash.

BalloonSlayer · 18/04/2009 17:31

Why the hell has your ex's girlfriend of 3 months got your email address anyway?

LuluisgoingtobeanAunty · 18/04/2009 17:31

i understand why you did it, but it was wrong, wrong , wrong

you are giving him ammunition to paint you as the vindictive ex, who is making his and by default , her life miserable

if he is not doing waht he ought to as regards your dd, then that is an issue that needs resolving via the courts if necessary

you have dragged her child into it, which is wrong

Thunderduck · 18/04/2009 17:32

Yes it was wrong,and spiteful.

Beetroot · 18/04/2009 17:34

oh dear ( I did laugh though) but you really must not get involved with her

Just don't answer her in future.

Original poster
Paranoidornot · 18/04/2009 17:36

Bugger, I thought it was. Lashed out in a moment of real anger. She was bleating on about how he does so much with her DD and I just lost it - he's only known her 3 months and his real DD is 4 and hes crap!!

I did send an email apologising about 5 minutes later. Doesn't excuse it though.

She has my email because he was always so aggressive when communicating I didnt want him contacting me anymore, and then she just contacted me through FB to try to act as a sort of 'go between'. Which was sweet of her but totally misguided I think.

OP posts:
tessofthedurbervilles · 18/04/2009 17:37

You will need to prepare yourself for the backlash from this but the new gf sounds a bit naive for thinking she could lecture you and stick her oar in without causing offence.

MuffinBaker · 18/04/2009 17:37

YABU

And mean

And spiteful

You should have just told her to not comment on your parenting and put her straight on what an arse your ex is, if you really wanted to say something negative.

LuluisgoingtobeanAunty · 18/04/2009 17:37

she probably does not realise that her trumpeting about how great he is with her DD is rubbing your nose in it

well done for sending an apology

everGreensleeves · 18/04/2009 17:39

you're not the first person to lash out and say something shitty under extreme provocation. You know you shouldn't have said it, but neither should they behave the way they are behaving.

If you get a backlash from this, I would say "yes, I am sorry, I should have realised you didn't want her to know what you say about her dd behind her back" - that will take the wind out of his sails.

CarGirl · 18/04/2009 17:39

She also probably hasn't realised that they are in the I'll do anything to impress stage

YanknCock · 18/04/2009 17:39

Sorry, that was over the line. You wouldn't have been unreasonable to tell her to butt out of your business, but what you did was just mean and pointless. Sounds like you know that.

I don't think she should be getting involved with your disputes with your XHshe's quite naive to think you're going to take advice from her. Reckon you need to state clearly that you will only deal with your XH when it comes to your childit's nothing to do with her.

Worry that you've opened a can of worms here though!

colnelcustard · 18/04/2009 17:40

yes it is mean spirited and petty but she's got no right to lecture you. am in the same boat so don't worry can totally understand.

he'll probably talk his way out of it though.

Original poster
Paranoidornot · 18/04/2009 17:41

I definitely was being spiteful and I felt really ashamed afterwards because I don't know her DD and have nothing against her.

I was just too hurt and irritated to think clearly and tbh I thought maybe when she hears what a pri$k he really is she'll stop going on about how wonderful he is.

My bad. I will learn from it. I've blocked both of them on FB so hopefully will be no more contact.

While we're on the subject, she's desperate to meet my DD, I've said no because I haven't met her yet and they've only been together about 11 weeks so I dont want DD to meet someone who may then disapear. Any thoughts on when its right to intro someone?

OP posts:
TheBolter · 18/04/2009 17:47

He sounds like a nasty piece of work. Who does he think he is telling his ex-W that his new gf's dd is 'thick'? Sounds like a right charmer.

You could have done her a favour though - if I were in her shoes I'd feel I'd have the right to know if HE was saying horrible things about my child behind her back.

Hopefully she'll dump him and learn not to be so interfering, sanctimonious and condescending in future!

colnelcustard · 18/04/2009 17:51

My ex husband moved someone else in within three months of us splitting up. She met my son within about two mins and took it upon herself to discipline him. Which got right on my fucking nerves hence me going a little mental at her.

It has got to be done sensitively. Can't she just be introduced as daddy's friend for the time being. Does it have to be so full on straight away?

MuffinBaker · 18/04/2009 17:51

Don't she that she needs to meet your DD for a while tbh.

MuffinBaker · 18/04/2009 17:52

FGS I haven't even had a drink yet and I can't type.

I don't see...

dittany · 18/04/2009 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Paranoidornot · 18/04/2009 17:57

Shes just so full on, she offered for my DD to stay the night at her house the other week. I've never met her! Why would I let my DD stay the night at a stranger's house?

Catchymonkey - i feel your pain

OP posts:
FlorenceofArabia · 18/04/2009 17:58

YANBU. She criticised your parenting (which is a spiteful thing to do) and you hit her back where it hurts. Serves her right for sticking her nose in. Just ignore her from now on.

Original poster
Paranoidornot · 18/04/2009 17:59

Dittany - think you're right, no one wants to think their partner is a dick I suppose. Unfortunately shes already talking about marriage with him and I think he may have moved in with her already. Jeez.

OP posts:
dittany · 18/04/2009 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.