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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have shared with ExH's new GF something he told me?

45 replies

Paranoidornot · 18/04/2009 17:28

ExH and I have been split for nearly 3 years. I have been in new relationship for 2.5 years. ExH and I have a 4 year old DD.

ExH is crap when it comes to turning up for visits / phoning his DD etc, is very argumentative all the time and is basically a nightmare to deal with.

He has a new GF of about 3 months, she is 7 years younger than me and has a DD of 3. She seems pleasant but keeps butting in and telling me I'm wrong to be angry at ExH for not phoning / not turning up etc, and that she wishes I would "think of my child". TBH it hacks me off that this young girl is telling me how to parent, as far as I'm concerned I'm a very good mum and try to be the best I can possibly be.

But... she sent me an email was was lecturing me again (and going on about how wonderful my ExH is with her DD, hit a raw nerve as he's so crap with his real DD) so... I told her that my ExH said her DD 'was a bit thick'. Which he did. I still have the text.

But now I feel really mean

OP posts:

colnelcustard · 18/04/2009 18:01

I'm going to go and get a drink now before I hijack your thread as I am filled with venemous rage on your behalf.

Original poster

Paranoidornot · 18/04/2009 18:18

:D CM - Feel free, nice to know others are going through it

OP posts:

Sparkletastic · 18/04/2009 18:23

As long as she didn't tell her DD then no real harm done. He sounds like an arse and she sounds naive and interfering - they deserve one-another. Would LOVE to know whether she told ExH what you said and whether he managed to recover the situation ; )

Original poster

Paranoidornot · 18/04/2009 18:30

Sparkle - I must admit that hidden beneath my deep shame is a slight tinge of 'Wish I'd been a fly on the wall for that one'! I know I'm bad, but seriously what on earth could he say to recover from that??

OP posts:

junglist1 · 18/04/2009 18:34

You lost your temper. I don't blame you, she pushed you, and it obviously would hurt that she said how great your ex is with her child. That's really rubbing it in if you ask me. I probably would have said the ex said something directed at her rather than the child though, but in the heat of the moment, who knows? Stop communicating with her, it's not worth the headache

MuffinBaker · 18/04/2009 18:35

Why did you have to be mean about the child though? Why not her if she was the one pissing you off?

moshie · 18/04/2009 18:45

she wasn't being mean about the child though, the ex was.

Original poster

Paranoidornot · 18/04/2009 18:46

Muffin - was not trying to be mean (although obviously I was mean), I repeated the thing that he had said, which unfortunately was about the DD not the mother.

I said it without thinking how I would have felt if someone said that to me. As soon as I thought it through properly I apologised.

OP posts:

Sorrento · 18/04/2009 18:58

Why on earth has she even met your child 3 months into a relationship, i'd be telling her to back right off, you and DD's father need to sort yourselves out, this girl has no place in discussions what so ever.

Original poster

Paranoidornot · 18/04/2009 19:29

She hasn't met her. She and ExH keep asking for her to meet dd and I've said no, its too soon.

That was what started the row over email, she said it wasn't too soon. She let my ExH meet her dd from the start. I said that was totally irresponsible as she didn't and still doesn't know whether the relationship has a chance of working.

OP posts:

MuffinBaker · 18/04/2009 19:30

Maybe she has been commenting on your parenting as she felt you had been about hers.

Sorrento · 18/04/2009 19:40

Well you are absolutely right, if she wants her daughter to meet every tom, dick and harry that's her look up, you are thinking of your child when you say no.
She's a silly cow, stick to your guns hopefully she won't last long

lalalonglegs · 18/04/2009 20:36

Don't worry about introducing your daughter to her, I think there is very little chance of her meeting your daughter now as I expect she will have a massive row with your ex over what was said and it will be bye-bye to a not-so-sweet relationship.

Dittany - excellent analysis of the situation.

Original poster

Paranoidornot · 18/04/2009 21:19

Lala - I thought that may be the case but weirdly he phoned not long after I'd said it by email to her, to talk to his DD, and he was totally normal on the phone (although the fact he phoned when he said he would was amazing in itself!!).

If she'd told him I would have thought he would have gone mad on the phone, or would have since gone mad - sent an abusive text or something to me. But nothing so far.

The wait is giving me the hebeejeebees

OP posts:

Numberfour · 18/04/2009 21:21

sorry: have not read all the posts but I wonder if her telling you how good your ex is with her DD does not make her seems a bit insecure?

you know that what you said to her about her DD was wrong - forgive yourself when you can and let it go.
will be hard, but try not to let her get the better of you.

again sorry for not reading all threads.

RumourOfAHurricane · 18/04/2009 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

YanknCock · 18/04/2009 21:36

She might have thought you were lying and not bothered mentioning the email to your XH. If she's as blind as she sounds, I can see her just taking it as more evidence of you being 'the horrible ex'.

Or she did mention it to him and he told her you were lying.

Good on you for apologising anyway.

2rebecca · 18/04/2009 23:09

I don't understand why she's contacting you at all. My ex has a long standing girlfriend (not really partner as they live some distance apart) but I only ever talk to her if we happen to see each other when I pick up my kids. We like each other, but still wouldn't email or phone each other to discuss my ex and his parenting. It's totally inappropriate. If my ex thinks I've been unreasonable I'd expect him to phone me to discuss it, not get his girlfriend to give me a mouthful. I'd tell her to back off unless she wants to really irritate you, and tell your ex to stop using her as an intermediary. Women are often too keen to stick their nose and mouth in inappropriately. Men can be too passive, but women are often too controlling and mouthy.

StayFrosty · 18/04/2009 23:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ronaldinhio · 18/04/2009 23:47

meh,

yabu in passing any comment on that was deliberately cruel especially about a child but you know that

I'm interested in why you feel the need to enlighten her about your exdp.

If he's a dick she'll discover it. Time has moved on and people can behave differently in different relationships.

Stand by any decision over who meets or forms relationships with your daughter and don't be goaded into picking over any scabs again

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