well, i'm more than willing to describe myself as a bit strange, but other than that i'm pretty sure i'm as normal as any one else. current levels of stress from work and home life do mean that, as said before, my thoughts and reactions can be slightly "off" - i hear and see myself do stuff and think "wtf am i doing?", especially when from the reaction of others it's obvious i either haven't made myself clear or have just made what i thought was a joke but the other person thinks is just rudeness.
the stress also comes out as ibs - and for me, this firstly means that my head goes fuzzy, and its very difficult to think properly.
Ineedacleaner - yes, i'm aware of the different cultural values, and have no problem with them in general. and dd's mum is free to punish me if she wishes for perceived bad behaviour, even though that's really not productive.
however, her punishment also affects dd - about a year ago she left us both for what turned out to be two weeks. one of the main reasons for her return was that her breasts were sore as she hadn't been able to breast feed.
that was the first time she left me and dd, but far from the first time that she's left the house to live and / or work (or just leave me) somewhere else for a period of time.
her going to china is the third time she's left me and dd, allbeit that the second time she left to go and work.
further consideration - my dd's older half sister has been left with a wide variety of "nannies" (read: middle aged chinese / oriental ladies) and the most stability she's had thus far in her life has been when she's lived with her dad's parents in China for 6mth last year and since December last to present time.
this is not something i will allow my daughter to be subjected to.
Reality - i'm not looking down my nose at her, at least i certainly hope i'm not. I've had my times of chaos and instability. most people have. it's more that she seems to keep creating chaos and instability, in much the same way that although she's been asked many times and more recently just flat out told not to grab for me (metaphorically or literally), she still does it, and so it pushes me away.
i've had legal advice, and although there's no garuntees (sp?), i have parental responsibility and currently dd is resident with me.
looking at the reunite website was no fun at all - good advice and plenty info, but utterly horrible to have to think about using the information to prevent abduction.
Beanieb - it's my dad who thinks we should stay together, and i put him straight last night. not that he isn't already aware of what i and other think and feel, or the way she has been handling the situation. thanks for the thoughts on wording - this whole thread was just to see if anyone thought it would be at all acceptable to do this by letter. think i know the answer... (sheepish look)
Beanieb - it's in quotes cos that's what she said. but as friends, family and i say - why 9 weeks? surely 4 would've been enough. would you voluntarily leave your child for 9 weeks? bear in mind, that her mum had been over here for 6 mths from june to december 2008, and me, her and our dd had been over there for 2 weeks in June.
plus, as i've posted previously, she has a tendancy to say things for reasons other than because they are true, which is why i cannot trust her.
eleanor - thanks for the links
abuse - maybe i'm over-reacting, maybe it's my stressed state of mind, maybe maybe maybe. i can definately see elements, if not flat out examples of times she's been abusive toward me - belittling me, calling me names, agressive behaviour towards me.
and i know i haven't always behaved impeccably, either. i know there's been times when i've shouted at her, been scathing and sarcastic to her, and generally behaved in a way that i'm not happy about either.
but i know this isn't generally how i behave in a relationship, which makes me think that it's no good for either of us to stay together, and definately no good for our dd.