in expecting my DS to see his cousins once in a while when they only live a 10 min drive away??

[ahfeckit]

DS has two cousins who live locally, yet we've invited the family over for lunch/coffee etc, and they just won't bring their DC over (we have done this over past couple of years now).
We have made the effort with them, and went up to see them when we can (DH works yet his brother doesn't), but like everything else in life, there's something called 'give and take' (maybe they haven't heard of it??)..
The usual excuse is 'sorry they have their naps around lunch time'. But we've also suggested they come over to visit us (anytime of day) so that the kids can get to know one another. One of their DC is 4, the other 2 yo. I feel it's so sad that they are growing up and my DS (who is nearly 2yo) hasn't a clue who his cousins are. Such ashame when they live so close. I don't want to push the issue anymore, I've tried. Does anyone else have inlaws like this??? Or is just us??

They have a car the same as us. So no excuses for not being able to drive!

Can you or dh have a frank 'what's really going on here' talk with them? does he have an honest relationship with his brother? It does seem odd.

hallelujah! someone else has noticed it's odd..I spoke with my MIL this afternoon about it and she also doesn't understand it either. She says they also use the same excuse as to why they never visit her either...

I will ask DH's brother when I next see him, and I'll ask him outright what the matter is as to why they can't leave the house.

Is there any kind of resentment between them?
Any unresolved issues that causes your dh's brother to want to keep away?

The nap at lunchtime could be genuine excuses, they could be sticklers for routine with dc who can't cope without naps.

I agree it's a disappointment that the children can't have a relationship because of adults being funny.

x posted!

they are quite quiet people, keep themselves to themselves, which is their choice. But I don't see why they should let that affect how the DC get along with their cousin. Even if it's only once a quarter, fair enough, but they don't even make the effort. They never phone to see how we are..They are strange people (Sorry for sounding so judgemental but they are).
Yeah, I agree, naps can be a problem with some toddlers, but surely after they've napped they can leave the house to go and visit a relative even if only for 30 mins?? It's not a huge expectation. I've actually given up now, and don't contact them, as I don't want to come across as hassling people. It seems they are happy with this arrangement.
As far as I'm aware DH isn't close to his brother but they do get along and BIL only comes to the house on DH's birthday (so yes, that's once a year). They usually chat away to each other when he does visit.

It IS odd.

The only thing that occurs to me is that they are somehow uncomfortable about going out or having visitors because of the behaviour of their children. Are their kids a handful? Are they not confident in dealing with them?

ahfeckit, perhaps as saintmaybe says, an honest talk perhaps, your dh could say he'd really like the children to have a relationship and would they like to play from time to time?

Families, eh?!

not saying it's reasonable, BTW

nope, DH has tried that conversation. the response he got (whilst at THEIR house dropping off a birthday present last year) was 'I don't think X would like it'. I couldn't believe it.
Then on that same visit, DH (he was on his own) said 'don't mind me if you want to go and eat your fish supper' (BIL has just nipped out to buy fish supper for himself and his wife, and then returned 10 mins later) but his brother said 'I don't think X (his wife) wants to eat in front of you'. DH left promptly as he didn't want to cause any bother.

DH did say on that same visit (after his brother had said the bit about X not wanting to visit) that X has to get used to going out and seeing other children and if he doesn't he'll be like the wimp in the corner (words to that effect). his brother didn't really say much at that.

screamingadab, the DC aren't a handful they are actually very well behaved. that's what I don't understand. I could understand if they misbehaved at other people's houses but as it is, they don't actually get the chance to

Clutching at straws but has X got some kind of OCD or eating disorder or agoraphobia?

The things you say in your last post seem a little weird.

MIL is the go-betweener that's how we know all this stuff.

Oh.....this sounds very odd, as everyone has said!

Could it be that his wife has some kind of problem, a phobia with leaving the house or something? Just thinking about what Screamingabdab has said, maybe their kids have some kind of problem that they do not wish to discuss, as they are very private people.

Maybe they just don't like you!

(I do not get on well with my brother, will do anything to avoid being invited round there,or inviting them round here, and have no interest in fostering relations between his dreadful children and mine)

toffeepopple, DH was actually thinking that tonight as we discussed this topic again (it does rear it's ugly head every now and again!) and he thinks maybe she is mentally unwell as in agorophobia (yet she is able to go to places like shopping centres or to her parents house).

They sound really really odd tbh. It is sad for your DC but you can't force it, and I don't know that I would want my children exposed to people who don't want to eat in front of others. That sounds unhealthy.

Just read your later posts, feckit, bit slow this evening!

mrsmaidamess, if they don't like us then why not just say that!!! ffs, it's better to be clear cut about it (sorry just frustrated, not aiming this at you or anyone else!). I'd rather someone said 'look you're really not our cup of tea, so let's just not pretend to get on'. then we can all just move on and get on with our lives...

There could be something going on with them that you'll never know about. I have a friend whose dh refuses to see his bro' because he patronises him. I am sure the brother has no idea what he's done and it goes back years.

But thats' a very hard conversation to have, as it results in a character assassination of the other people.

I prefer the chickens approach of just quietly withdrawing contact, and hoping they will eventually give up.

possibly. i just feel sad for DS, he only saw his cousin by chance the other week, and his cousin didn't know how to react to him. Such ashame.

when I speak to BIL next I will ask him outright so he won't be chickening out, mrsmaidamess. I've just had enough of 'wondering' what's going. Better to know one way or the other what's the problem with them. As far as we're concerned, we've not said anything to cause any upset (since we don't actually see them, all info about them is spread via MIL).
Another thing I didn't get was a photo of one of their DC was taken over to MIL's house (to give to us!), yet they have to pass OUR house to get to MIL's house. V odd...

Yes You never know, maybe things will change eventually if you just gently keep trying to keep in contact for the dc sake.

Do you see a lot of your MIL? Do your children? I mean, compared to the brother and his family?