in expecting my DS to see his cousins once in a while when they only live a 10 min drive away??

[ahfeckit]

DS has two cousins who live locally, yet we've invited the family over for lunch/coffee etc, and they just won't bring their DC over (we have done this over past couple of years now).
We have made the effort with them, and went up to see them when we can (DH works yet his brother doesn't), but like everything else in life, there's something called 'give and take' (maybe they haven't heard of it??)..
The usual excuse is 'sorry they have their naps around lunch time'. But we've also suggested they come over to visit us (anytime of day) so that the kids can get to know one another. One of their DC is 4, the other 2 yo. I feel it's so sad that they are growing up and my DS (who is nearly 2yo) hasn't a clue who his cousins are. Such ashame when they live so close. I don't want to push the issue anymore, I've tried. Does anyone else have inlaws like this??? Or is just us??

They have a car the same as us. So no excuses for not being able to drive!

"Then on that same visit, DH (he was on his own) said 'don't mind me if you want to go and eat your fish supper' (BIL has just nipped out to buy fish supper for himself and his wife, and then returned 10 mins later) but his brother said 'I don't think X (his wife) wants to eat in front of you'"

This suggests to me that there is some kind of an issue with your SIL, as toffeepopple suggests. Maybe your DH could ask his brother gently what he means.

Reading very much between the lines, maybe there is some unhappiness there which BIL was trying to tell your DH about.

yeah, SIL is a bit weird (that's not only my opinion, MIL thinks much the same of her). Yes, we suspect there's an issue with BIL's wife, but we have no idea what, although agoraphobia may be a possibility or issues surrounding food and eating in front of others. DH wasn't exactly going to salivate in front of them eating their fish and chips, he's not THAT uncivilised!

mrsmaidamess, I see MIL maybe once or twice amonth so yes, a lot more than DH's bro.

Can't you ask your SIL directly?

they clearly don't want to be close or even on visiting terms - so why would you persevere with this? there isn't any benefit from your children playing with cousins over other friends they may have

ahfeckit

No, obv. not your DH's fault. It's a shame, that if she does have problems, they can't be more open with you.

sounds to me as if SIL finds her dh's family totally stressful or imagines she will find them stressful.

Why can't your dh meet BIL on his own and take all the dc to a park or somewhere? Maybe the formal sounding come over for lunch/coffee and a chat is not what SIL feels she can cope with. Some people are like that.

thanks for everyone giving their insight into this because I've been really stumped as to what to make of the situation for as long (sorry, I'm probably not posting this thread in the appropriate area!).
the main issue for me is that DS gets to know his cousins growing up. that's all. even if they all meet at grandparents house then I'd be happy but MIL says that not going to happen because she hardly sees them as it is.
it is ashame that sil can't just be open (even with her PILs) about any issues she has. she's not one for approaching easily to talk to, iyswim. she is quiet and it's like drawing teeth trying to keep a conversation going. you know, one of those people... I've tried getting to know her, but she's just not willing to make an effort (I asked her if she wanted to meet up for coffee with DC, it happened twice, but she won't reciprocate(? sp). She's not an easy character to get to know, not easy going at all.

V. frustrating for you, ahfeckit ZZZen's idea any good?

I can't see ZZZen's idea happening, but thank you for the suggestion ZZen. DH works alot, and BIL is workshy (on the dole), so I'd say it's not going to happen. I can suggest it to DH though, no harm in trying

"the main issue for me is that DS gets to know his cousins growing up. that's all. "

sure, that's what YOU want, but they don't reciprocate
you can't unilaterally decide your children are going to be friends with someone else's
no not even if they're related

fair do's franny. i know what you mean. i will leave it once i've spoken with BIL about it. I want to know what he has to say about it next time he is over (whenever that'll be!).
true, just because we are all related doesn't mean we have to all see one another. I would just rather hear it being said than accept things are they are atm. there's just not any clarity, besides making assumptions.do you know what I mean?

god i would be mortified if i had to spell out to someone that we weren't that into socialising with them as a family
i'm sure you are lovely people feckit, but you know you're coming across to me as lacking in sensitivity and social skills here
they clearly don't want to spend time with you - take the hint and don't force your BIL into further embarrassing conversation about why!

no, he'll be getting asked..thanks for your advice anyhow franny!
my social skills are pretty good thanks, never had any trouble mixing with people from all walks of life. It's actually BIL and his family that have problems with social skills.

Why are you doing this rather than your husband? If you really want to have more contact with this family, who after all are your husband's family, not yours then I think you would be best leaving things to your husband.
I don't see why socialising with cousins is better for kids than socialising with other children, at least with other children you can generally as a kid choose which ones you play with.
My kids get on well with their cousins, who we rarely see as we live apart, but then I get on well with my sibs. If my brother and SIL didn't want to come and visit I wouldn't expect my husband to start getting airiated about it and creating a rumpus. My family, my problem, although not having a close relationship with your family isn't necessarily a problem if you have friends.
I can't see anything positive coming out of you interfering in your husband's affairs.

well, tbh, he's my husband so we are all family now...or that's the general idea. good for you, 2rebecca that your kids get to see their cousins. if the situation was the other way around, I'm sure you'd have something to say aswell.
DH will have to say something (my own mother also thinks it's best coming from him) aswell, but if he doesn't then I will have to approach the subject with DH's brother (he's the only one that 'drops off' presents, his wife never visits with the kids) and find out what's going on with them.
We have a lot of friends actually, as does DS, who he sees regularly, goes out and meets kids at swimming pool, playparks, meet-ups with other mums and babies etc. That's not an issue. I do think though that because DS is a similar age to his cousins then there's nothing wrong with him surely knowing who his family is?? The thing is he's getting birthday and christmas presents from them, yet he's hardly clued up as to who these people are. Do you see what I mean?? I feel like saying to BIL 'don't bother giving gifts to DS if you have no intention of visiting with your own kids'. What's the point of giving presents to him if he's never going to see them??? Doesn't raelly make sense (considering they live 8 miles away).