but he's doing it wrong!

[hmmSleep]

AIBU to feel irritated at the way my dh does the washing up?

He's fantastic, really helpful around the house as well as very demanding job. Have recently moved and no dishwasher at present.

But, he does it wrong!

No order to it. He washes dirty plates first then washes wine glasses in the dirty water, I don't want my morning juice to taste like last nights curry! He sometimes fills the sink with luke warm water, throws in a jumble of pots, then just leaves them there 'to soak'. I then have to fish them all out again a few hours later to wash properly.

I might divorce him

Any tips on how to change his ways without putting him off doing it at all?

Perhaps he'll post 'AIBU to think my dw is an impossible to please witch?'

Barcode - please tell your wife she can feel free to send you over here anytime she likes A man that understands 'rinsing' ahhhhhhhhhhhh

Gentle - your post didn't sound smug! I would swap another job and not let him put the ironing away though, because I'd kill anyone wrinkling anything after I've ironed it!! and it is more hygienic to allow dishes to air dry than to dry with a t-towel (even a freshly laundered one!).

I'm very fussy about a lot of things and completely anal about kitchen hygiene. There is a 'correct' way to do things [my way ] and learnt uselessness will not get you out of doing a job, there's nothing a DP/DH can't learn to do 'properly'

BTW in case my last post sounds a bit smug and "I'm all right jack," it might help to know that the housework rota is quite a recent thing that I've been trying to enforce for years. The main ingredient that seems to be working this time is a hefty dose of tolerance, prompted by me having quite a similar rant about hating housework and feeling like I'm the only person who notices!

Exactly..me too. How is the stuff supposed to come off whilst sitting on the side?
Must say Ribnet sounds like a surgical proceedure.

I leave stuff to soak, but I do go back to it later. My DP hates it and has a go, but never offers to scrape and scrub the dried-on stuff.

And he nearly got hold of this laptop to post under my name 'FFS, get a life'!!
Cheeky bastard! BTW, he posts on Ribnet (blokes talking about boats and engines), so if he does get hold of my name I can get my own back.

BottySpottom nothing to do with being "grateful little woman." I'm a major slob but I keep things at a certain level. DH is more thorough at some household jobs than me and vice-versa. I resist asking him to be more careful about putting away the ironing cos it gets a bit creased again, and he resists telling me to dry the dishes rather than letting them drain.

When we first got together he did nothing at all around the house and the more I nagged, the less he did. We now have a housework rota. He does his share, his way and I do mine, mine.

Surely it's better to have a fairish division of labour with a few areas for improvement than one person in the house doing all the work immaculately?

If the washing up is the only thing he makes a real hash of I would be inclined to say to him "look, it really p*s me off the way you do it". Just leave it, do it yourself BUT you must swap a job with him.

For example I have never once in over six years done any gardening AT ALL in our garden. I hate it, I couldn't be arsed to do it properly.

Afaik dh doesn't come on here to discuss this, he just gets on with it. But then to be fair he rarely irons, I iron the odd thing for him. There are other jobs he does and I never do.

If at all possible make a dishwasher a priority. On the odd occasion dh does wash up (on holiday for example) I couldn't stand to watch how improperly he does it so I leave the room!

YANBU and my DH does the same. I look at the pile of washing up in the draining rack and think that's great but I know there will be bits of food stuck to various plates and pans and cutlery (boak).
And he CANNOT wash glasses; they are always greasy.
And he stacks things wrong so they can't dry properly.
And he insists on washing things when they could go in the dishwasher and then I could switch it on.
Drives me insane. I, of course, am perfect

Hmmm....well i get annoyed when i've left stuff to soak only to find dh has "helpfully" emptied it out so stuff stuck like poo to a stick still.........

Why do we have to accept it - all of you who are saying we do? I just don't get it. I'm afraid I can't do the grateful little woman just thrilled to get a bit of a helping hand (that causes me a hour's work to get things straight afterwards).

Yes my DH always does the dishwasher wrong. I end up having to unload it just to reload it again.

That does sound irritating, but I'm going to edge towards YABU, purely because I washed up at my IL's house after a family meal for 8 last weekend and my BIL came in towards the end and blurted "Don't you rinse as you go?!?!?" Apparently in their house, every single item gets rinsed under the hot tap directly after washing, so for a big meal the hot water is on for about 20 minutes. I felt like throwing a "Shan't do it then!" strop myself!

Sharing the housework fairly is still something a lot of people can't get sussed; making it "my way or nothing" doesn't foster team spirit.

You must rinse off soapyness, or else there will be dried soap on your glasses.

Ah, see, I get told that I don't load the dishwasher properly, but there is method in my madness.....

Suds should always be rinsed off as things dry quicker and with less streaky marks (especially glass). My DP is just getting used to this idea...

My DW tells me off for rinsing the suds off before putting things on the draining rack.

We can't win.

Apparently I wash up wrong. My MIL would stand over me telling me I was doing it wrong, 3 or 4 times a week. She never told me what I was doing wrong, and as I did glasses first, crockery next, cutlery and then pans I wouldn't have changed it anyway. The last time she told me I told her I didn't want to hear another word from her and ordered her out of the kitchen. She went under protest, but went.

A dishwasher won't help. DH always did it wrong.

But I was an annoying kid who re-folded the laundry after my mom did it 'wrong'.

Maybe I should live alone?

Does he moan at you for doing it the wrong way, or does he let that go?

King I do the stacking thing, beginning to think he does it on purpose now because I've mentioned in the past I think it's a wierd way to do it .

Why don't you strategically stack? Start putting the glasses right next to the sink, then the cups and plates with the pans and stuff stacked furthest away? It may be enough to gently lead him into doing things in the right order.

BTW, if you glasses taste of curry because he is washing in the wrong order than there is more than just the order wrong!

Back from shops.

edam Yes, I particularly hate the 'leaving stuff in to soak', sometimes I see him at the sink 'washing up' before bed, only to get down in the morning to a sink full of dirty, now bacteria crawling dishes, yuck!

cornflake, nah, not really, but the thought still puts me off

morris so glad I'm not the only one

He also thinks changing the bed covers involves throwing the dirty ones on the floor and leaving them there whilst leaving the duvet in a bunched up lumpy pile in the centre of the fresh duvet cover, grrr.

Obviously, I completely agree that it's a completely backwards way to do the washing up - but does it actually make the glass taste of curry?

Doing it in the wrong order is irritating, although personally I'd leave it for the sake of harmony. But 'leaving stuff in to soak' for ages is not actually doing the washing up. It's pretending to do the washing up while actually forcing you to do it. Lazy bugger. (And it's bloody unhygienic too.)

Going to supermarket now, might buy some paper plates and eat only raw fingerfood.