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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think MIL should have asked me before cutting dd's fringe?

41 replies

steviesgirl · 14/04/2009 22:41

MIL babysit's dd in the week some days whilst I help dh on farm. Dd came back this evening with her fringe clearly hacked off quite short. Beforehand her fringe was fairly long, but hardly bothering her and not going into her eyes. (I was going to soon cut it myself). Dh picked dd up and MIL didn't even mention to dh that she had cut it, but it's obvious that she had.

It's not the fact that she cut it that bothers me, it's the fact that she didn't consult me first. If she had of, I probably would have said it was fine for her to cut it.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 14/04/2009 22:42

Are you sure DD didn't cut it herself?

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 14/04/2009 22:42

Welcome to the MIL from hell club. It gets worse from here dear.

special2shoes · 14/04/2009 22:43

yabu
I would be over the moon if that happened

fishie · 14/04/2009 22:46

haven't you given her precise instructions while she carries out your free childcare?

she may wipe bottom but not cut hair. where is she with fingernails?

AdoAnnie · 14/04/2009 22:48

DH hacked off all DD1's gorgeous curls and she looked like poor old Mo Mowlam.

Flibbertyjibbet · 14/04/2009 22:49

Well, if you would have said it was fine had you been consulted in advance..

then yabu for not appreciating her mindreading ability

stainesmassif · 14/04/2009 22:49

YANBU, what if she decided to get her ears pierced?

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 14/04/2009 22:49

A hair cut isn't the same as changing a nappy. This is overstepping the mark but it depends on how much you've been letting her do. If it's a first haircut it should always be the parents, it's good manners to ask though. It's your child, not hers.

stainesmassif · 14/04/2009 22:52

YANBU, what if she decided to get her ears pierced?

AdoAnnie · 14/04/2009 22:52

Or gave her a tattoo? Or sent her down the pub to pick up some fags? Or sent her on the road with the raggle taggle gypsies? O bought her a pet tarantula? She CUT HER FRINGE WITHOUT ASKING? She must be out of her mind.

choccynutter · 14/04/2009 22:53

your lucky at least your mil actully wants to spend time with your child although it would have been polite to consult you first

fishie · 14/04/2009 22:54

fluffybunny 'letting her do' it is looking after gc, not anything sinister. ishoo?

stainesmassif · 14/04/2009 23:00

Lol Ado....however, I'd still be peeved if my own mum got pfb's haircut without discussing with me. but then he is only 4 mths old, maybe i'll change my mind when he's grown up a bit.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 14/04/2009 23:00

There should be strict boundaries with grannies, it saves all the agro.

Granny must not:
Collect dc from nursery/school without being asked/consulting parent
Must not get them cristened without parents knowing etc.

Granny acts in loco parentis, hair cut is a parents job unless they are asked.

Jackstini · 14/04/2009 23:04

I would be pissed off personally, so don't think YABU at all. She should have asked.
How old is dd? Is she bothered?

doobry · 14/04/2009 23:20

I don't think YABU at all. My Step Mother did that to my DD. Her fringe started from the back of her head and I was letting that bit grow out to make a more sensible fringe. SM told me that I was wrong. I smiled and ignored her. I left the room leaving DD in her high chair with SM in the room. Next thing I hear DD crying and SM saying "It'll make you look pretty!" I went back in and lo and behold she had a fringe that started at the back of her head again. SM didn't say anything and nor did I. Not worth a family rift but OMG I was pissed off.

ChippingIn · 14/04/2009 23:23

YANBU Of course she should have asked. Not sure why you have attracted some really narky responses here, must be a bad night on the tele

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 14/04/2009 23:23

It's the school holidays Chipping

Jackstini · 14/04/2009 23:26

Doobry - if that had been me the SM would have had a bit of a haircut too!

Gillyan · 14/04/2009 23:27

YANBU it would of pissed me off

FatFree · 14/04/2009 23:38

YANBU, if anyone came anywhere near my sons long hair with scissors, i'd be severely pissed off!

It was bad enough when he came home from school with his hair tied back with an elastic band!

I was gonna start spouting about shoulder length hair being allowed, till the teacher told us that they were cooking and all the kids with shoulder length hair had it tied back.

Original poster
steviesgirl · 15/04/2009 00:18

Jackstini, dd will be 3 next month, and thankfully she was not bothered. I suppose still a bit young for it to really bother her. I think there's a line to be drawn between what someone can and can't do without dp's permission, and imo haircutting should at least be done with dp's knowledge.

MIL can do many things without asking me where dd is concerned, like what she gives her to eat, sitting her on the potty, wiping her nose etc, etc, etc, but I think it was wrong of her not to ask me on this one.

OP posts:
FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 15/04/2009 00:21

Maybe you need to establish and tell her what the boundaries are, I now with my MIL, she really does take advantage if she has the opportunity. If you have boundaries you both know where you stand. Just tell her that it's your job to take your child for a haircut and you would have appreciated her asking you first.

LaurenIsMoreThanReadyToPop61 · 15/04/2009 00:21

i would be pissed off... she could have asked you before doing it, or said to you i think she could do with a fringe chop, rather than just going ahead with it, yanbu imo

mrsrawlinson · 15/04/2009 16:14

I'd be incandescent if my MIL touched my DD's fringe, not least because I've spent the last 18mths growing the sodding thing out! However, this might be a good opportunity to practice the "smile benignly and let it all wash over you" technique. Works a treat with my MIL and saves all kinds of aggro, trust me.

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