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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think MIL should have asked me before cutting dd's fringe?

41 replies

steviesgirl · 14/04/2009 22:41

MIL babysit's dd in the week some days whilst I help dh on farm. Dd came back this evening with her fringe clearly hacked off quite short. Beforehand her fringe was fairly long, but hardly bothering her and not going into her eyes. (I was going to soon cut it myself). Dh picked dd up and MIL didn't even mention to dh that she had cut it, but it's obvious that she had.

It's not the fact that she cut it that bothers me, it's the fact that she didn't consult me first. If she had of, I probably would have said it was fine for her to cut it.

So AIBU?

OP posts:

nevergoogledragonbutter · 15/04/2009 16:17

it's what MIL's do.
they can't help it.

chocolateismyonlyweakness · 15/04/2009 16:20

YANBU, I do agree with Mrsrawlinson, probably best to smile through gritted teeth.....!

everGreensleeves · 15/04/2009 16:21

WOW, if MIL cut one of my children's hair without consulting me I think I would cut off her head and shit down her neck

Flower3545 · 15/04/2009 16:25

My MIL did have DD1's ears pierced

It's years ago now but it still rankles especially as DD then developed a raging infection in one of them which took six weeks to heal.

Of course MIL didn't have to sit up with her in her pain did she GRRRR

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 15/04/2009 16:28

at the complete over-reactions shown here! It's hair, it grows back! "Cut off her head and shit down her neck"? And they say MILs are unreasonable!

sayithowitis · 15/04/2009 16:29

maybe one way for you to decide whether YABU or not, is to ask yourself what your reaction would have been if your mum had done this? If you would have been just as put out, then YANBU, if on the other hand, you would have been ok with it, then YABU.

BigBellasBeerBelly · 15/04/2009 16:30

If someone cut DD's hair I would be eternally grateful. She is a terrible wriggler (nearly 2).

I made a hash of it and when dropping her off at my mum's said "feel free to have a go at her fringe if you feel like it". Her response "no it's OK I'll leave that to you"

FlorenceAndtheWashingMachine · 15/04/2009 16:35

My MIL did this with DD1 when DD2 was in intensive care. I was a bit miffed as it is simply rude. I actually felt at the time that MIL was implying that I was neglecting DD1 in favour of DD2, but I know she was trying to help.

However, luckily for MIL, I had more important things to be cross about at the time and fringes grow back, so she escaped lightly. I look back at my DD1 in those photos now and think that she actually made quite a sweet Joan of Arc.

Flower - pierced ears really would have led to a major falling out.

MadamDeathstare · 15/04/2009 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tots2ten · 15/04/2009 16:36

Would it be really bad to say that I really didnt notice that my 2 dd's fringes had been cut, whilst at mil's?

I did however notice all the mud in boots, up trouser legs, all over jumpers + coats, well it was everywhere, so may have distracted the cut fringe (which was done 2 Weeks ago)

JennyWren · 15/04/2009 19:33

My MIL (also lovely, a great help etc.) did this. Twice. The first time, I was upset and angry. But, as you say, hair grows back, so I didn't want to make too big a deal of it. I just smmiled sweetly and said "thanks, but I had already booked an appointment at the hairdressers - we're going next week. I'd rather that you didn't do it again." And then simmered quietly after she'd gone.

The second time, I went ballistic. Less because she'd cut DD's hair without asking, but more because she had done it when I had expressly asked her not to do so. I couldn't speak to her, I was so angry. She was staying with us at the time, so I just went straight to the bedroom and called my DH and told him he'd better come straight home from work that night! I didn't dare leave the room until he got home! She probably heard what I thought as I was screaming at telling DH, but he was the one who got to pass on the message . She hasn't done it again...

drlove8alltheeastereggs · 15/04/2009 19:55

my ex-mil cut my dd3's hair once. ...i was furious so much so that i phoned her up and told her if she ever went near any of my kids again with sissors id be around at hers within 5 mins to butcher her do return the favour..... it wouldnt have minded really, but she'd cut dd3 a fringe and it was far too short and thick so it sort of stuck out in a weird way and was squinty....poor dd3 got teased at school for months until it grew out

Original poster

steviesgirl · 15/04/2009 20:16

Thanks for the replies. My MIL has also cut dd's fringe too short. It's halfway up her forehead and looks awful. I wouldn't mind but it's taken some months for it to grow to the length it was from being short before. I could scream!

Actually dh had a word with her this morning in a tactful way after she brought up the fact she had cut her fringe. He told her that as I'm her mother, she should have asked me first. Apparently MIL went very quiet.

OP posts:

Niftyblue · 15/04/2009 20:18

My dads a hairdresser
AND he would`nt cut dc hair without asking no way

Jackstini · 16/04/2009 16:27

Flower - I would have gone mad at the ear piercing! What did you say at the time?
SG - glad your DH raised it with her - she won't do it again will she!

LadyPinkofPinkerton · 16/04/2009 16:30

YANBU at all, what if you had been growing it out or something. You just don't so things like that to someone elses child, granny or not

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