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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to suggest that PIL save their money?

34 replies

MamaHobgoblin · 14/04/2009 17:57

...rather than continue to buy DS and their other grandchild the complete set of Steiff Beatrix Potter animals?

I just know this is going to get flamed...

Ok, before I sound completely brattish and ungrateful, DS is 13m. My niece is 17m. My PIL have to treat them absolutely alike, and therefore they get matching treats and presents. PIL are very generous, but don't actually have a lot of money to spare, as far as I can tell. We were up there for Easter, and after the babies were in bed, we parents were given two giftwrapped boxes each. (4 boxes) Each box contained a Steiff Beatrix Potter soft animal. Even before we'd taken them out to have a look, PIL said 'They're not toys!'. They said they were hoping to buy their DGC the whole set... They said they knew it was a bit early yet, because DS hasn't started looking at the books, but that when he was older, he'd probably like the Steiff animals in his room, but they weren't to be played with, because they were valuable collectables.

I'm not the sort of person who collects valuable teddies, dolls, etc for display (it freaks me out somewhat, and I think it's a shame to waste them, too) but I can appreciate that PIL think this would be a 'nice heirloom addition' to the nursery. (We don't have a nursery. We have a small box room for DS, full of his stuff and my knitting stash!) I mean, what are we meant to do with them? Put them in glass cases?

I had no real idea what they were worth, but just checking ebay, new ones are on sale for £140! I'm aghast - had no idea they'd spent so much already and want them to stop. If they want to spend so much, couldn't they put the money into their college funds or something?

I think there are a lot of issues at play here, not least their own social aspirations and rose-tinted ideas of what a 'nursery' should look like. But I honestly don't want DS to be given more of these. He's not going to be allowed to play with them, we don't have the space to display them (even if we wanted to and then not let him use them) and I don't really see the point. Plus, I'm horrified at the amount they cost. (unless PIL have discovered a black market in the things! ) We could sell them on ebay ourselves, but that looks grasping and PIL obviously set a lot of store by collecting them for their grandchildren.

What would you lot do?

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 14/04/2009 18:00

Let them spend their money as they see fit but let the kids play with whatever you see fit

theDreadPirateRoberts · 14/04/2009 18:02

Tbh I'm not sure there's much you can do. How big will the full set be?

Keep them in their boxes, poss on a specific (very high) shelf (think all the wasted space at the top of the walls), and then if your PILs are on their uppers they can have them back box-fresh to sell.

And if not, then an auction for college funds when the DCs turn 18?

HTH

theDreadPirateRoberts · 14/04/2009 18:04

I also can't see the point of 'toys' that can't be played with.

Or collectables at all for that matter

Be glad it's not clowns?

HecatesTwopenceworth · 14/04/2009 18:05

I'd say please don't waste your money on these things. I have nowhere to store them and I don't want a collection of stuff that I have to stop my son touching, taking up all my space. If you give them, he will play with them.

Or just say you don't have room and if they want to buy them, they can store them at their house.

Or say thanks and stick them in the loft.

Or say thanks and let him play with them.

Decisions, decisions

TotalChaos · 14/04/2009 18:06

yanbu. it's going to be several years before the grandchildren are going to appreciate toys that aren't to be played with.

Original poster
MamaHobgoblin · 14/04/2009 18:06

We could just let DS play with them if he wants to, and then deal with any flack later, but knowing how much they cost is going to haunt me!

DPR - the set seems to be still in production, but checking so far, there are at least 10 characters out already. Going by specialist sellers on ebay, they range from between £115 and £175!!

I think we will probably have to store them somewhere and sell them on as an investment for DS when he needs the money, offering them to PIL first if needs be. But it all seems a bit sad.

OP posts:
theDreadPirateRoberts · 14/04/2009 18:07

Well, I think the PIL have made it fairly clear that this is something they're doing by their rules for their own satisfaction, so...

valleysprincess · 14/04/2009 18:08

oh they are granparents-it's they're job to buy useless articles which get in the way. The grandparents are happy doing it-why on earth do you want to spoil their enjoyment?

MichaelaS · 14/04/2009 18:13

Can you wait a while (so it's not just after the presents were received) and have a frank discussion with the PIL about this?

I think you have some very good points - but i'd avoid the ones about aspirations and what a nursery should look like, and focus on the fact that it's frustrating for a child to have something he/she can't play with, and that you would rather their kind and valuable gifts were directed to something you'd find more useful such as a college fund or educational toys or something.

There is so much for grandparents to spend money on, i'm sure you could find something they would feel was valuable to give, and you would like your child to receive.

if you can do it without hurting their feelings it would be best.... otherwise you'll just end up having them in the loft forever!

my grandma did this with me, I had a whole set of dolls of the world, one from every place she'd visited. They were lovely, but I was not to touch them on pain of death, and they just rotted in a cupboard until we finally threw the lot out I think when I left for uni. At least your ones have resale value!

DuffyFluckling · 14/04/2009 18:14

I think if your pils give their grandchildren a present, it is not your business to interfere. If you genuinely have nowhere to store them then you should ask pils to keep them until dc are of an age to appreciate them.

MIAonline · 14/04/2009 18:20

I think if that's what they want to but then it is up to them. You never know, the DC may even be really pleased with them in many years to come and it is very thoughtful of them.

You do have my sympathies though, I had a relative who insisted every year on buying me 'collectable' when I was a teenager.

I would but a nice box to 'store' them in for 'safe keeping' and hide them. that way you are showing you appreciate the gesture, whilst not having to display them

Smorgasbored · 14/04/2009 18:36

"looks grasping..."

Your PIL sound very kind. They may wish to give your ds money when he is older, but that is their choice.

It sounds as though you have worked out how much they might spend and decided what YOU would do with the money. I was not aware that present 'budgets' could be managed in this way.

YABU, and patronising.

compo · 14/04/2009 18:50

yabu
it's up to them , tbh it's btw them and your ds, you can't dictate what they buy unless they ask for suggestions

Original poster
MamaHobgoblin · 14/04/2009 18:51

Well ok, yes, Smorgabored, it is grasping to sell them on ebay - if we were thinking of keeping the money ourselves! We'd obviously be putting it towards their savings/college fund.

I haven't worked out what we could do with the c. £140 a pop they want to lay out, actually, but it does strike me that it would be better in terms of potential (ie money in a savings account, not to be touched until 18) rather than in this form, which doesn't give DS much scope. But I concede that you have a point about presents being the giver's choice. The fact remains that parents do, I think, sometimes have the right to suggest alternatives to gifts given to their children. We're just concerned that PIL are going to be spending a lot of money on something I'm pretty sure most children wouldn't want (attractive-to-adults toys that can't be touched) and I genuinely don't know what best to do, for everyone. And I can undertstand that PIL probably don't want to contribute towards the next necessary purchase, like bugger bed, new furniture, trike, etc, because these things can be quite ephemeral when they're used by small children, and won't be around forever.

I think we're just going to accept, gratefully, whatever they want to give DS, keep it out of sight and safely, give them to him when he's old enough to appreciate 'collectables' and tell him it's up to him to decide.

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaHobgoblin · 14/04/2009 18:52

OMG.

bigger bed. Not bugger bed!

OP posts:
theDreadPirateRoberts · 14/04/2009 18:54

Tee hee - freudian? Get thee to a bumsex thread

Original poster
MamaHobgoblin · 14/04/2009 18:56

lol! Everybody should have a Bugger Bed!

OP posts:
theDreadPirateRoberts · 14/04/2009 18:59

No thank you Mrs!

Smorgasbored · 14/04/2009 19:08

Where can I get one?

When you put it like that, MamaHobgoblin, you do sound less U...

atigercametotea · 14/04/2009 19:08

honestly think that you should say thank you on behalf of your ds and keep the presents that his grandparents have given him. Store them however you want, but do not sell them or give them away.
They are not yours - they are your sons! And if he chooses to keep them/ebay them/pass them onto his own children one day it will be his decision.

YABU

SalBySea · 14/04/2009 19:16

you could open one and have your LO slobbering all over it next time they visit, that should put a stop to it

StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2009 19:16

yanbu
yes they are a present from your PILs to your DS but they are your problem in that you have to find a space for them!
My mum is constantly telling me how DS's room is a mess, overflowing toyboxes etc and then in the next breath telling me how she's bought him 6 new toys because he looked in their direction at the toy shop!
Yes I do need to have a sort through his toy boxes, but there's very little he wouldn't play with if given half achance!

CatHerder · 14/04/2009 19:20

Personally, I'd be saying "how lovely, but we've no room and he will want to play with them so much, do you think you could store them at your house?".

What are the gps going to do for your next child? What happens if you and your sibling have 4 kids each ... 8 sets of expensive soft toys? I'm guessing the gps are a little over-excited at the moment and might settle down a bit in a year or two.

StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2009 19:21

or what if they decided they absolutely had to buy their DGS a car ... to be stored at the OP's house?

LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 14/04/2009 19:40

I'm a bit torn on this one. My grandmother bought me some beautiful antique tea sets and mahogany furniture for my dolls house that was to be played with 'gently' as very posh. My dreadful parents sold them when I got to 18 and didn't tell me.

I would have loved to have kept them and if I (not saying you should at all) were given something like this I would build a shelf round the top of a room and keep them safe for them to look at - in the hope that they loved them as much as the special stuff I had.

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