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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I think DH is and I am right but what would you have done? Car park safety?

41 replies

VinoEsmeralda · 14/04/2009 14:45

Today when I was loading my shopping in my car I noticed a baby (12- 14months)and a toddler of about 2/2.6 in a car by themselves.

Put trolley away and stayed a bit longer and still no sign of the mother and as my DC were strapped in didnt want to go into the shop so had a drive round the carpark and saw no staff to tell them. Anyay drove off but then decided to drive back and low and behold they were still there so went into the store and told the customer service who said. they'd keep an eye on them.

5 minutes later the mother came out with her shopping and a coffee in her hand...

DH said I should have minded my own business as she might have been close to the point of hitting them (or whatever) and decided to give herself a break. I think it is very dangerous and people underestimate the effect high temp has on small kids

OP posts:

IneedAbetterNickname · 14/04/2009 14:48

YANBU that is disgusting, leaving 2 small children in the car. I would have done the same as you.

ruddynorah · 14/04/2009 14:49

i'd have told the shop too who hopefully would have been able to have someone watch the car or call for the owner.

i work in a large out of town store and once had a toddler come wandering in from the car she'd been left in with her baby brother. her mum and grandma were in shopping. they'd left the children asleep. both had woken up. the girl was even bare foot.

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/04/2009 14:49

i would have and have gone into shop and said to the staff and got them to put out a message for the owner of car xxxxxxx to return to their car asap

you dont leave children in cars that you cant see

LaaDeDa · 14/04/2009 15:06

I probably would have done the same as you in notifying someone in the shop.

I left my dc (13 months and 3.10) in the car the other day parked in front of the shop i was going into. I'm sure many, many people wouldn't but i made a judgement call as i was only buying one item, the item is bulky and i would struggle to carry ds at the same time, the entrance to the shop is up some steps with only a pole handrail so i like to help dd (and couldn't if i was holding item and ds). I got stuck behind a woman discussing her horses with the only serving sales assistant and ended up being 3 or 4 minutes as opposed to the 1 i'd thought and i was getting frantic. If people saw my kids in the car they may have thought it was unacceptable(and it would be a situation i'd avoid again) but i do think there could be circumstances an onlooker may be oblivious to.

tootyflooty · 14/04/2009 15:22

she obviously wasn't gone for just 2 mins, I have left my own dc in the car while paying for petrol etc,but given recent newspaper articles where things have happened to small children, I may well have phoned the polce if I had been very concerned. I find some peoples lack of common sense on matters concerning child safety very alarming at times. You did the right thing.

tootyflooty · 14/04/2009 15:27

just remembered my then 17 yr old son, was on a break from the gym he works in which is next to the supermarket ( he had a uniform on ) was asked by a mum if he could drive, he said no, she then asked him to stand by her car while she shopped for 15 mins and said she would give him 10.00 to do so.Presumably as he couldn't drive he would not run off with the car?! he of course car/ baby watched and duly collected his 10.00, but even he at 17 thought this very bizarre.

lynniep · 14/04/2009 15:33

Oh crikey I'd never leave kids in a car where I couldnt see them, and certainly not for an extended period. I'm not perfect by any means. I've done it once in the past (I mean car out of sight) but I was so anxious waiting in the queue to pay I realised I couldnt ever do that again.

I do fill up with petrol now and again and leave DS in the car (doors locked obviously and I can see it at all times) but I do try when possible to use pay at pump machines at Tesco. Luckily if I need to pop into our local shop the whole front is glass windows, so I can park directly in front and see the car the whole time I'm in the store. I only do that if he's a asleep because I don't want him to panic.

So I do think you did the right thing.

Original poster

VinoEsmeralda · 14/04/2009 15:34

Laadeda - I would have done the same (and have in the past), as long as you can see them and lock the car I feel that is acceptable.

I tossed with the idea of calling the police but thought she probably would return before they arrived and it would have seem a waste of time. lack of common sense is indeed shocking!

OP posts:

Poppity · 14/04/2009 15:35

YANBU, that is dreadful, and frighteningly common.

You did the right thing. I would have got them to ask her to return to her car and why over the loudspeaker as well. She should be shamed

If she had been as your dh said, she could have just got out and walked around a bit, where she could still see them.

In my nearest town recently the supermarket called the police when they got no response to their call for the mother. The police were breaking into the car when she returned with her shopping

Bathsheba · 14/04/2009 15:36

I've done that myself (reported somone, not left the kids in the car for that length of time)....

IF it had been the case that she neede da break like you DH suggested, then a break is leave the children in a child safe room doing something while you retreat to another room in the house (be that kitchen or loo) for 5 minutes...

A "break" is not a trip around the supermarket and to the coffee shop.

beanieb · 14/04/2009 15:36

Just for balance, I think it's up to a mum to make her own judgemet about leaving a child in a car and as nothing happened to the baby I think you should chill out and accept that some people feel more relaxed about popping into a shop while leaving their child unattended.

MadamDeathstare · 14/04/2009 15:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

christiana · 14/04/2009 15:40

Message withdrawn

IneedAbetterNickname · 14/04/2009 15:42

We have a massive Sunday market near where I live, and when we were there one sunny day a few years ago (and I mean extremly sunny, heat wave kinda weather) an announcement was made over the loadspeakers for the owner of car reg 'whatever' to return to their car IMMEDIATELY as they had left their dog in it. The person making the announcment then proceeded to lecture the car owner, over the loud speaker, on the dangers of leaving a dog in a hot car! Obviously Joe Public didn't know who the car owner was, but I bet they were embarassed!

Original poster

VinoEsmeralda · 14/04/2009 15:44

No she was away longer then 15 minutes and yes it is warm (not hot) here.

OP posts:

stoppinattwo · 14/04/2009 15:57

What if she had an incident in the shop, collapsed anything (these things happen)...who would have know these kids were with her, ok Im being dramatic but any situation can happen and those kids can be forgotten...get side tracked..wander to another shop, get chatting to an old friend, go for a coffee, suddenly "oh shit I forgot the kids are in the car!"

Dont leave your kids out of sight in a car

beanieb · 14/04/2009 16:01

omg what if she had taken them out of the car and another car had come round the corner and hit them, killing them all?

Anything could have happened. You can't live your life worrying that something might happen!

stoppinattwo · 14/04/2009 16:05

oh gosh beanieb...you are so right...how shallow of me to think that leaving 2 children under 3 in a car out if sight is ok, in lieu of popping them into a buggy and wandering around the shops...she must have assessed that potential risk of them all getting run over and thought it safer in the car

helsbels4 · 14/04/2009 16:06

No you can't live your life worrying about what might happen but you can do your best to minimise the chances. Such as looking before you cross the road, eating sensibly, not leaving your very young children unattended in a hot car.............

There's taking a chance or two and there's downright stupidity.

beanieb · 14/04/2009 16:09

Yes but Stoppinattwo, the reasoning behind your horror at this incident was 'what if she had had an incident' which I don't thik is a good enough reason. 'Anything could happen' anytime!

I don't think it's downright stupidity to leave children in cars for a short time.

stoppinattwo · 14/04/2009 16:15

no the reason behind my horror is that these things happen when you least expect them and the outcome can be very serious. Why take that risk, come the summer months I guarentee we will have a number of headlines about children left in cars....some will have a good outcome some wont, why take the chance, like others i will leave them where i can see them, not only because i can see them but also because I have the memory/ attention span of a gnat and out of sight out of mind....now you cant tell me im the only person like that. It really isnt worht it..

infact if we all had the "i will only be a minute and reason that not much will happen, what is the difference between leaving them in a car and leaving them in the house for a five minute walk to the shop?..what would you make of that?

babymt · 14/04/2009 16:26

Oh please. I'm sick of threads about this.

I live my kids in the car for up to 5 mins at the time. And yes they are out of sight alot of the time. For example this morning I hauled my 39 week pregnant arse out of the car and went to the bakery. Was gone approx 2mins. NOTHING HAPPENED!!!!

I do it all the time in my high street. And if anyone dared to comment to me on it they would get a very firm telling that they are my children and it is up to me what I do with them. In my situation my 2.8 yo cannot open her car seat and my 4.6 yo would never ever get out of her seat for anyone without kicking and screaming the place down.

I live them in broad daylight in a busy village high street where there are 10's of people milling around. No-one is going to snatch them and if it were warm I would open a window. Anyway they are not going to swelter to death in 5 mins.

There is no way I'd stop the car, have all the phaff of getting them out in the high street, crossing the road, getting them in the shop where they will nag and nag just coz I need to buy a loaf of bread.

Come on have some common sense here people.

babymt · 14/04/2009 16:26

leave not live

helsbels4 · 14/04/2009 16:28

I don't think it's downright stupidity to leave children in a car for a short time if you can see them but these children were already in the car alone when the op noticed them - they could have been there while their mum did the whole monthly shop for all we know!

The op drove around the car park, started to drive away and then returned - so hardly a short length of time imo.

So yes, that is downright stupidity.

babymt · 14/04/2009 16:28

And leaving them in a car where they are strapped in securely (how many of your kids have ever let themselves out of their seats???) is totally and utterly different to leaving them home alone in a house where they could turn the gas on, stab each other with knives, fall down the stairs, drown in the toilet, etc etc

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