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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I think DH is and I am right but what would you have done? Car park safety?

41 replies

VinoEsmeralda · 14/04/2009 14:45

Today when I was loading my shopping in my car I noticed a baby (12- 14months)and a toddler of about 2/2.6 in a car by themselves.

Put trolley away and stayed a bit longer and still no sign of the mother and as my DC were strapped in didnt want to go into the shop so had a drive round the carpark and saw no staff to tell them. Anyay drove off but then decided to drive back and low and behold they were still there so went into the store and told the customer service who said. they'd keep an eye on them.

5 minutes later the mother came out with her shopping and a coffee in her hand...

DH said I should have minded my own business as she might have been close to the point of hitting them (or whatever) and decided to give herself a break. I think it is very dangerous and people underestimate the effect high temp has on small kids

OP posts:

stoppinattwo · 14/04/2009 16:32

was the op talking about 2 mins..no

nothing happened to your children, and for that I am glad.

I wouldnt dream of approaching a 39week pg woman with any form of criticism

but dont play down something that is serious, you have looked at all your options and tbh in your situations you probably chose what was best for you, but enough with the "oh please not another one of these threads" like its a parking on the toddler space thread....its a tad more serious than that.

Belgianchocolates · 14/04/2009 16:32

Yanbu. I've done the same once in the past. I saw an older baby in a car on a hot summer's day. Kept an eye out and no one seemed to appear, so I reported it the the staff.

I never leave my dcs in the car outside a supermarket, because you just can't keep an eye on them. Outside our local baker/post office/corner shop, that's another matter, because I can keep an eye on them from the shop + I know for sure I can be in and out in 5 mins.

stoppinattwo · 14/04/2009 16:34

hmmm I know plenty of kids who can let themselves out of car seats....and at 18 mo DS could open the car door ..whilst the car was moving.

stoppinattwo · 14/04/2009 16:36

infact my SIL DS got out of his seat took the handbrake off and rolled across the carpark

helsbels4 · 14/04/2009 16:40

I just don't understand why you would want to take the risk if you were going into a supermarket where you definitely wouldn't be able to watch your dc's? There again, I don't drive so I have to struggle with my young children while they touch things, pick things up and while I juggle controlling them with holding heavy bags whether I want to or not.

Or maybe I should weigh up the risks of anything realistically happening to them and leave them outside while I shop

369thegoosedrankwine · 14/04/2009 16:43

YANBU - It is beyond me why anybody would do this.

Poppity · 14/04/2009 16:50

babymt, I hope you are never proven wrong.

I just think it is sensible to minimise risk, I wouldn't leave little ones near knives, stairs, ovens or toilets on their own either .

Actually what you are talking about is a bit different from the op anyway, across the street in the bakery for a loaf is quick and you can see what's going on, in the supermarket you can't.

It must have been quite a while for her to shop in a supermarket (never quick in my experience!), and get a coffee. Certainly doesn't seem like someone in a rush to get back to the children anyway.

IneedAbetterNickname · 14/04/2009 16:51

babymt - when my sil was a nanny, the little boy she was nannying for (he was 3) got out of his car seat and opened the door when she was driving! She still refused to put child locks on though

Gorionine · 14/04/2009 16:54

YANBU, you were not abusive to the mother you just showed concern for two very young Dcs on their own in a car.It was a very very reaonable action you took IMO. the world would be a much better place if more people cared half as much!

I do not understand the "just for 5 min " excuse as it is plenty of time for something bad to happen to a child but really not long enough to get on your nerves if you take them in the shop with you so why take the risk?

pottycock · 14/04/2009 16:59

My 16mo can unlock her car seat. I leave her in the car (doors locked) for dashes to petrol station and cash machines - always in sight of her and never so that she can't see me.

If she popped the lock while she was alone it's totally possible she could get stuck on the strap trying to wriggle out and very easily hurt herself bady.

IMO it's crazy to leave two kids alone in a car for that long while you get yourself shopping and a coffee. And dangerous.

stoppinattwo · 14/04/2009 17:06

infact dp has just informed ny that when DS was 2 he nearly strangled himself trying to get our of his carseat whilst DP was driving...he had slid himslef down the seat and couldnt get back up....now imagine we had left him in the car on his own for a minute and he had tried to do that

gagamama · 14/04/2009 17:19

It is extremely dangerous to leave small children unattended in a car. Please take a moment to read Ava's Rule.

You did the right thing, definitely. It's not so much the risk of the child being snatched (although that's always a worry, too) it's that the car itself is a dangerous environment, particularly in the sun. And what if someone had driven into the parked car, or broken in, or stolen the entire vehicle? It's not a risk I'd take for my dog, let alone my children. Being able to 'see' doesn't stop these things from happening.

Of course nothing happened this time and I'm sure in 99% of cases nothing ever does. But it's still irresponsible IMO. YANBU.

helsbels4 · 14/04/2009 17:30

gagamama your post remindd me of a few weeks ago when I'd been shopping and dh and I were just getting into the car and some dizzy blonde woman reversed her car right into a car behind her!

Imagine if that had been a car with children in?

MichaelaS · 14/04/2009 17:36

Hmm, I think YANBU, I agree with the posters that it might be OK for a very short time if you can see the car, but even then you would probably not have enough time to get to the car if someone tried to steal it / smash a window etc. However I can see how this might be the best option for a very quick pop into a local shop / petrol station.

I think it's totally different to go round a supermarket. If the mother needed a break then surely they would be better off at home, in a cot they couldn't climb out of, or in a safe room, whilst she was elsewhere in the house or even sitting on the front step for a bit. I would have told someone in the shop, then stayed by the car until she returned.

Infact if I was feeling particularly self-righeous I might have waited there until she returned (trying to look suspicious) then said something like "oh, I was just making sure they were safe, I wasn't going to take them or anything.... " before disappearing. That might make her think twice! (am joking here - but actually only half joking!)

Dumbledoresgirl · 14/04/2009 17:45

Well I leave my children in the car out of sight but they are older than the children in the OP. I used to leave them when they were younger too, but not as young as that.

Yesterday dh and I were in and out of shops looking for very boring things that the children had no interest in (bathroom tiles and flooring). To take them in with us would have meant they ran around being complete nuisances (as indeed they did when we took them into B&Q). Leaving them in the car meant we could concentrate on what we were looking for and be out a lot quicker (I would estimate each shop took us about 20 mins max, often a lot less).

Our children are a lot older though, and we left the windows open and they were free to come and get us if they wanted to (one of the older ones anyway). The only time we took them in (B&Q) we did so because..... well, not because we wanted them running around distracting us, that is for certain. We took them because the car park was very busy, the place was teeming with people and dh said, and I quote: "If we leave them in the car, someone will report us."

But the children in the OP are a lot younger and, unless the mother was rushing in and out in 2 mins, which she clearly was not, I think she was wrong to leave them and you did the right thing.

UKVeggieMum · 14/04/2009 19:42

I used to work for a car hire company and got several calls from the police (over a number of years), about babies and small children left alone in cars, usually at shopping centres, asking for a mobile phone number and/or a name so they could contact the hirer.

On two occassions I had to agree (with no reluctance on my part) to car windows being smashed once to retrieve a distressed childr, and on the other occassion becaused it was a very hot day and the baby was in danger.

I don't think it's worth taking a chance, I wouldn't leave my DD, unless I could see the car and be back within 30 seconds - and she's 5.

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