Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to think that my friends friend is being a bit crap in the parent dept....

57 replies

Dawnus · 14/04/2009 10:18

Friends friend has a son who is 2 in August.

They put him to bed on a full bottle of milk so he sleeps, change his bum and give him another full bottle when they go to bed

They have started complaining that he's waking lots in the night....but he doesn't seem to have proper meals. Example: when my friend was there one evening, his dinner was a mashed banana, petit filous and some apple crisps. So my first instinct is that he's prob hungry. He had his first sandwich 4 weeks ago.

The main reason for this thread is my friend is worried. She tried to give advice when he was tiny and was shot-down...now she's feeling slightly awkward around them and is itching to say something that may help...but will more likely offend...always tricky!!

Or is it simply that we're being bitchy, and should shut-up???? lol

OP posts:

emalushka · 14/04/2009 21:00

Oh my. Really worried now. My daughter is 2 in September and goes to bed every night with a bottle and occasionally has extra during the night too. Is this really bad?

Mooseheart · 14/04/2009 21:03

Dawnus he sounds just like my friend's dd, I know for a fact it is not neglect (even though she is weeeny), because I know the family really well... it is just that she has taken far longer to adapt to solid foods. That is all. It sounds like your friend's friend's ds has the same issue.

I think it's great that they are tuned in to what he CAN eat and not trying to angrily force meat and two veg down his throat just because hhe should be eating more.

BTW, there is NOWT wrong with mashed banana... I feed it to my three and five year old in porridge (often as a substitute for supper because we've been out all day and we're all knackered).

Grammaticus · 14/04/2009 21:08

But won't the bottle of milk he has in the night rot his teeth?

nappyaddict · 15/04/2009 00:32

My ds has mashed banana in porridge and yogurt too.

As long as the milk is given when he is awake then it won't rot his teeth because he will be sucking and swallowing.

CompareTheMeerkat · 15/04/2009 00:38

DD stopped having milk in a bottle at night just before she was two. And she would have one at bedtime and then at least one in the night. I don't think there's anything terrible about it (although when we got rid of the bottles she started sleeping much better)

hobbgoblin · 15/04/2009 00:40

Is he underweight and with cavities in his first teeth?

If so, worry. If not, butt out.

Bellebelle · 15/04/2009 08:11

OP I do understand your concern about the lack of progress to lumpy food, one of my best friends is a primary school teacher and every year they see a one or two P1's who have speech problems because they've been fed on a diet of yoghurts and mashed up food. Apparently not learning to chew also affects speech. However this boy is still very young with plenty of time to move on to more grown up foods. If the parents don't move him on themselves it will eventually be picked up by nursery/school.

grumblinalong · 15/04/2009 09:21

It's a shame how judgemental other parents can be. It makes those of us who haven't got easily adaptable textbook babies feel a bit crap tbh. My 17 month old DS2 still has a bottle of milk at night. He's a difficult child and I find parenting him so stressful, challenging and frustrating compared to DS1 who was textbook about dropping bottle feeds, sleeping through etc. If a stranger inferred that I was 'being a bit crap in the parent dept' when I'm already struggling it would really upset me. If I thought my friends were judging me it would totally undermine the little self confidence I have left. Please tell your friend to tread lightly OP.

TotalChaos · 15/04/2009 09:28

only thing that would concern me would be the lack of progression to lumpy jars - more in the sense of needing to talk with HV/GP about this than in the sense of feeling it's something she's doing wrong. DS was (and is) a very fussy eater, but never had a problem moving onto lumpy jars at 7/8 months. I do feel the "a bit crap in the parent department" is a bit of a harsh and charmless way of putting it.

FairyMum · 15/04/2009 09:46

Perhaps this mum just isn't interested in discussing her son's eating habits with you friend? Perhaps she doesn't need her advice despite your friend itching to say something. Nothing more annoying that parents with fairly textbook children giving advice on sleep, potty-training and feeding.

junkcollector · 15/04/2009 09:51

Sounds like she's got stuck in the first weaning stage. I find it difficult to remember sometimes that DS2 is not still a baby. Can't your friend buy her a kids recipe book (Annabelle Karmel or something) as a present or ' I got 2 of these do you want one?' sort of thing.

nappyaddict · 15/04/2009 13:34

As a mother of an almost 3 year old who has been very ill in hospital and has had to see diet and speech specialists very recently I know a little bit about speech and poor diet. It isn't the not eating lumpy food that causes poor speech. If a child has poor speech and poor diet then they usually have weak muscles in their mouth which enable them to both eat and speak which is why they are delayed in both areas. One doesn't cause the other, they are both symptoms of one thing.

TitsalinaBumsquash · 15/04/2009 13:45

I wouldn't be worried my son is 2.5 and still has milk through the night, not in a bottle but in a sippy cup.
Its his comfort thing, he never had a fummy or a teddy or a blanket as a comforter so he uses milk to combat that.

As for the food, my kids sometimes have a 'picnic dinner' after a long day which consists of a pick and mix of fruit/ bread ect.

messymissy · 15/04/2009 13:47

This has been fascinating - and comforting! my dd nearly 2 would eat absolutely anything when she was first weaned up until about 3 months ago when she started refusing to even try some foods, (and yes I;ve done all the anabel karmel recipes!) one look and she says no no no!

So, i often give her finger food, as long as its got all the right food groups, especially if there are people over as I know she will eat it despite the distraction of visitors.

I despair on some days when all I get is no no no - I don't offer her alternatives btw so its not that she is holding out for cheerios or chocolate!

Lots of mums i've spoken to have had the same issues with their 2 yr olds and tell me they eventually grow out of it. I'm hoping but it doesn't always stop me feeling like a crap parent!

valleysprincess · 15/04/2009 13:48

Don't really see the issue about a bottle before bed. If it comforts the child-where is the harm? If it's milk it's hardly going to be damaging teeth. If the child was drinking from a bottle all day then different story. Maybe he's just a fussy child. It happens. If the mother forced the issue then she'd only create further probs for herself.

CatchaStar · 15/04/2009 13:55

YABU.

My dd will be 2 in May, she still goes to bed with a bottle of warm milk, all 9oz of it. She also has one in the morning.

My dd eats loads some days, and others very little. On the days she doesn't want to eat, I'll give her an extra bottle of milk just so that I know there is something in her. It's hugely frustrating.

I think it sounds like you are being judgy tbh. 'To think that my friends friend is being a bit crap in the parent dept....'

How do you know that? Are you sat eating dinner with them every night, is your friend? You can't judge on one meal, sorry. And even saying that, the child is being fed, he isn't starving. He's probably just very fussy. They'll work it out one way or another.

Onestonetogo · 15/04/2009 14:01

Message withdrawn

valleysprincess · 15/04/2009 14:04

But like the OP 1stone, you assume that it's ignorance on the part of the parents. We don't know that.

fledtoscotland · 15/04/2009 14:05

I agree with bradfordmum that YANBU to care about this child however i do think one meal isnt enough to make an informed decision about diet. the child may have been ill. DS1 is just getting over a bad cold during which he would only eat raisins, grapes, more raisins and a few more grapes thrown in for good measure. He drank plenty of milk during the 48hrs he was off food. From an outsider's viewpoint, he was not having a balanced diet but it was all he wanted.

Onestonetogo · 15/04/2009 14:10

Message withdrawn

nappyaddict · 15/04/2009 14:20

Onestone What Dawnus describes could still happen even if he were being seen by a paediatrician. Perhaps he is already? I know children who are incredibly fussy. The paediatricians always say don't force them to eat what they don't want. If they want to live on chocolate alone let them. If they suddenly feel ready to gradually introduce new food into their diet then go for it but don't push it til they show they're ready.

Onestonetogo · 15/04/2009 14:28

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Dawnus · 15/04/2009 15:51

I need to retract 'being a bit crap in the parent dept' erm...just couldn't put into writing what i was trying to say.

Sorry if offended any or all of you.

I don't have textbook children btw. DS was pretty easy, but refused veg for 2 years, and new DD has been a bit of a shock to the system!!

I can't go into to much personal detail to describe any better what i mean regarding the parents...so i'm not gonna dig a deeper hole.

I wasn't making a big issue out of the bottles of milk thru the day, nor the mashed up banana...more just that this is his main diet (and no, it wasn't just the day i mentioned!)

Anyway...majority vote is that friend says nothing unless asked and that (i agree) we should stop being so judgy....yep, we're all different parents and do things our own way!

Cheers

OP posts:

nappyaddict · 15/04/2009 16:01

Dawnus is his speech delayed at all? Hard to say at such a young age I know though. If so I might mention something you now how X's speech is a bit behind and you know how he doesn't like lumpy food, did you know it can be all be connected and their might be a reason for it such as weak muscles in the mouth. Then suggest she ask the GP for a speech and language referral.

Original poster

Dawnus · 15/04/2009 16:06

Said friend often says that his speech is poor and that he doesn't say much.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3