i received an email from friend two days ago asking: "how much shit am I still in?"
This was my reply: sorry - bit long!
"I am not really sure.
At first I was upset and angry with you because I felt that you were being rude and disrespectful to the 3 of us. I felt that partying it up was more important to you than keeping an arrangement with us. But then I realised, as I have always known, that you love me a lot and don't intend to be rude or disrespectful. I also wondered perhaps if you were taking the fact that I love you so much for granted, and that I would tolerate your rudeness because we are "close".
It is the third or fourth time that you have done this to me, DH and DS. What made it particularly upsetting this time is that on Saturday evening we as a family had a £50 Sainsbury's voucher and £45 cash til I was next paid by my families. I also had to make two trips to XXX because my course is coming to an end and I have two full days of lectures 20 and 27 April. Because you were coming for lunch, I obviously spent money we could ill afford so that we would all have a lovely meal together as we love doing. It was going to be a real stretch to eke out the funds til late April.
What was also upsetting was that it was Easter Sunday - we had been at my Aunty B's place on Friday and left late Saturday afternoon because we had arrangements for Sunday. Had that not been the case we would have stayed on another night or we would have arranged to do something else that day.
Then of course I had the difficult task of explaining to DS that you two weren't coming. DH is less than impressed and has nothing really to say about the fact that we spent money we did not have, that we kept a day on a long weekend open because of plans that we had with you and that we were let down again.
I wanted to tell you this week how upset I was, but I could just see how you would turn it around and probably call me a fucking this that and the other. You made it almost impossible for me to be upset by saying that I should understand because we are close. In other words, I would be out of order NOT to accept the situation because we are close. If I did not accept it, it would be me that was being unreasonable.
Having said all that, I know that you did not intend to let us down. I know you were looking forward to it. I know that you love coming to us and you know that we love having you. So it is not about you disrespecting us or being rude. It is not really a case of whether you are still in shit. The reason why you do this is because you are a coke head. Cocaine comes first. It always will. It will always be that way unless you somehow manage to break the addiction.
If you like, we will talk again and continue being friends as we had. But coke will be number one always. You know that. And you know that I am not being a fucking this that and the other by saying it. You can be as pissed off with me as you like about this email. It won't matter next time you are snorting shit off a toilet seat.
I love you so very much but you will probably find that some of your friends, like me and my family, cannot compete with cocaine."
And then this was his reply:
"ow.
Your points are all valid (cutting - but valid and true.). I can but apologise and try at some stage to redeem myself. There is alot behind this and not sure where to start. But then also not sure where to turn either.
Please do understand that I do love and adore all 3 of you. Will try a more sensible e-mail tomorrow.
BF
p.s. Not pissed off at you at all. Just sad a what I have done."
So I am really glad I was blunt. He understands why we are disappointed and I don't feel as if I am lying to him about why I was pissed off.
Nancysgarden, your post was not a hijack. you made an interesting point. Thanks.