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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - to not go to friends wedding?

54 replies

cheekster · 09/04/2009 23:06

I know, I know, this has probably been done to hell!

BUT...

DF is getting married in July, a 4 hour drive away on a monday. DH, DS (8 months) and I are invited to the whole day. Ive just recieved the invite today and found out she is getting married on a MONDAY?????. Maybe its just me, but I assumed she would be getting married on a saturday and when she asked if I could make it before I recieved the invite and the actual date I told her we would defo be going.

Well, with it being on a monday it means DH and I taking 2 days off work, not too bad for me but it will be very unlikely that DH will be able to have the days off. So that means me going alone with DS, which TBH I really dont want to as Im not happy with driving all that way alone with DS (Im not too confident driving places I dont know). Plus, Im not keen on struggling with DS all day alone (I know single mums will cringe at that comment)

If DH could get the day off we would be losing out on roughly £600 in wages plus the cost of petrol, hotel, drinks etc. We cant really afford it.

But she is a good friend and is the kind of person who would stamp her feet if I didnt go. She has already text me about another friend within our circle who has declined and she was very cross with her 'lame excuse' when she said she cannot afford it.

AIBU to decline???

OP posts:
glucose · 09/04/2009 23:08

no, getting married on a monday is just crazy if you ask me

everGreensleeves · 09/04/2009 23:09

I got married on a Monday, nobody complained!

glucose · 09/04/2009 23:10

did anyone come though?

DitaVonCheese · 09/04/2009 23:10

YANBU. Getting married on a weekday is a lot cheaper but the pay off is that not everyone can get time off to go.

everGreensleeves · 09/04/2009 23:10

130 people came

Original poster
cheekster · 09/04/2009 23:10

But did anyone have to travel far to get there greensleeves - It wouldnt be so bad if it was just one day off ...

OP posts:
everGreensleeves · 09/04/2009 23:11

LOL, sorry to bugger up the thread, but most of my guests came from more than 150 miles away and stayed in B&Bs etc... nobody complained about theday. We gave plenty of notice.

glucose · 09/04/2009 23:11

wow greensleeves!

Pruners · 09/04/2009 23:11

Message withdrawn

Original poster
cheekster · 09/04/2009 23:13

Well thats the thing, although Ive known about her wedding for a while, I never knew the actual date, was just told in July. I just assumed it would be a saturday ...

OP posts:
Original poster
cheekster · 09/04/2009 23:14

Greensleeves must have some very rich family and friends

OP posts:
everGreensleeves · 09/04/2009 23:17

Au contraire, my family (and dh's family) are virtually all working-class Irish folk from up north - weddings are very important to them so they move heaven and earth to be there - occasions like this are opportunities for all the family's children to meet each other etc. We had a hog roast and a ceilidh (us and our friends playing) on a field and nobody moaned that it was a Monday!

TheCrackFox · 09/04/2009 23:17

I got married on a Monday too (Easter Monday).

If you can't afford it then don't go. No point getting into debt foe one day.

everGreensleeves · 09/04/2009 23:18

if she's such a good friend and it means something to you to be there, stop complaining and organise it - if it's not feasible, tell her it's not feasible. But I think it's a bit odd to be put out at the couple's choice of day.

tessofthedurbervilles · 09/04/2009 23:18

A friend married on a weekday and tbh it was cheaper but quite a few people could not go due to work. I think your friend will be getting negative rsvp's a lot so be prepared for plenty of foot stamping..

Original poster
cheekster · 09/04/2009 23:19

Ahhhhhhhh, sounds like a lovely day greensleeves.

OP posts:
tattycoram · 09/04/2009 23:19

You really aren't being unreasonable at all. If you decide to have your wedding on a work day you have to accept that not everyone will be able to make it. You already know you're not the only one. She may be pissed off for a bit, but she'll probably get over it.

everGreensleeves · 09/04/2009 23:20

thanks cheekster

sorry if my last post sounded a bit snippy, wasn't meant to...

we actually chose the monday because it was my mother's birthday

tattycoram · 09/04/2009 23:22

Greensleeves your wedding does sound fab.

Pruners · 09/04/2009 23:22

Message withdrawn

thumbbunny · 09/04/2009 23:22

YANBU to not go, it is very tricky, especially in the current financial climate, to forego that amount of money for a wedding. Your friend needs to grow up and get over the foot-stamping lame-excuse reaction - it's her choice to have her wedding on a Monday but she has to accept that some people simply won't be able to make it.

I got married on a Friday and almost everyone I invited could make it but a couple of very good friends couldn't because they couldn't get the time off. Fair enough, imo, I certainly didn't go off at them about it!

Original poster
cheekster · 09/04/2009 23:24

Im not put out about the choice of day, rather that I wasnt told it was on a monday until now, (Ive known about the wedding for over a year) surely she should have thought to mention that to those who will need to stay overnight and need to take 2 days off work.

OP posts:
DSM · 09/04/2009 23:26

I work weekends, so if ever I get married, it will likely be on a weekday as a huge proportion of my guests would also be weekend workers.

YABU to be annoyed that its on a Monday, its not your wedding.

Couldn't you and DH go the evening before and drive home after the reception? Say, leave at 8pm and be home by midnight?

TheCrackFox · 09/04/2009 23:30

DSM - that's why we got married on a Monday. All our mates worked Saturdays too.

Nancy66 · 09/04/2009 23:38

doesn't your DH get any paid holiday?